Day 22: Open Your Mind...

The biggest mistake that many of us make is in believing that our way is the only way to get something done.

Sure, it's wholly possible that you have devised the most efficient, effective, and effortless way to do a particular thing, but that doesn't mean that is the best way for everyone else.

Each of us makes our own way in this world via a path that we set, using the method that's most comfortable for us.

We might take cues from different schools of thought on how we might best accomplish our desired goal but, in the end, we still have to make our own way—and we do.

That said, you have to be willing to allow others to do the same.

Don't force your views, beliefs, or philosophy on another just because you feel they are incapable of being successful without the,—that's not only arrogant, but short-sighted on your part. Be respectful of the process each person needs in order to reach their maximum potential—not yours.

In the end, I'm simply advocating acceptance.

Accept the fact that your way isn't the only way. Allow yourself the opportunity to see things from another perspective, and allow that perspective to be an additional feather in your cap as you continue to evolve, learn, and grow.

Day 21: Testing Your Patience...

Sometimes the person you love the most can get under your skin. It's a privilege they have, born of the simple fact that they either a) have known you for a long time or b) are connected to you by blood.

In either case, they know where to hit you where it hurts when they get good and ready and, despite your best attempts, their daggers are difficult to ignore.

Understanding this point, you begin to realize that there will be situations where you cannot handle things diplomatically and you'll have to find your own way to fight back against the emotional and psychological conflict.

But how do you accomplish such a feat? What can you do that can be equally as effective, and nerve-wrecking as what they are doing to you?...Say nothing.

Be silent. Be Patient. Be still.

Now, I know what you're thinking. It immediately occurs to you that some things need to be addressed, and you are right—they do. However, choose to address them calmly. Don't yell, don't scream, don't trade barbs. Just correct what is wrong, and return to your silent meditation. By doing so, the person loses their target and the conflict loses it's luster.

No one wants to fight alone.

Become a temporary island where irrationality, bitterness, and contempt are not allowed to drop anchor—redirect those things, along with their carriers, to another location. Tell them to return only when they can be more intelligent with what they have to say and, in the meantime, say nothing.

Be silent. Be patient. Be still.

Day 20: What's The Common Denominator?...

There are often situations where you feel like you are being picked on. You don't necessarily understand or know why people are doing it, but you know they are and you don't like it very much. The usual response to such a feeling is to turn tail and run—as far away as possible.

But, what happens when you find yourself in a similar situation again...and again...and again? At what point do you stop looking for the external factors in exchange for turning your sights internally?

None of us are destined to be perfect, but it is important to recognize the serial imperfections that you place upon the doorstep of the world. In other words, are you arrogant? Unapproachable? Unyielding when it comes to the actions or opinions of others? Are you...awkward?

Believe it or not, it all matters, and it is a strong possibility that your inability yo remain settled in multiple situations is less about the people you're complaining about, than it is about you.

You are the common denominator in every situation...just make sure you're not the problem.

Day 19: Are You Listening?...

It's easy to talk. I, personally, am a great talker when amongst friends and family. However, the art of listening is one that many of us have forgotten how to use.

This world has become soaked in voices—most of which are trying hard to be the loudest, most recognized, and influential voices in the world. No one wants to actually hear anything anymore, they just want to talk about how bad something is and incite us towards action because, "it's the right thing to do".

Well, here's the problem with that theory, it only works for the person who is listening the most intently with both ears, an open heart, and a clear intention to be more than just a face in the crowd because, quite honestly, most of us are a lot less interested in what the voice has to say than we are with the person saying it.


In other words, we choose sides based on arbitrary factors: political affiliation, religious leanings, race, ethnicity, gender, etc. We no longer truly can hear what the message is because we are too caught up in the messenger.

The result is a society that has forgotten the value of independent thinking in exchange for being a part of the most popular group of "listeners" this world has to offer.

It's time that we all start listening better, and challenging the voices within ourselves to make themselves heard. Not because we want to become the center of attention but, more importantly, because there is room for more than one voice to be heard—start making one of them be your own.

Day 18: There Are No Shortcuts...

Have you ever awoken on a particularly hectic day and thought to yourself, "can I just skip to the end"?

Although it seems like a nice thought, the problem with actually doing so is  you have no idea what you'll miss if you do.

Unfortunately, many of us live in a vacuum filled with the stress and expectations placed in our path by those who employ, love, and befriend us.  We don't want to hear the alarm clock go off in the morning because we know nothing but more stress, more fatigue, and more disappointment is likely all we'll get.

It's an existence that becomes tough to deal with, and many of us have to  develop mechanisms to get through the tough times.

So, we tell ourselves it's only a five-day week and we start living for the weekend.  Or, we party with friends and hope the camaraderie will provide a temporary escape. Better still, we immerse ourselves in the web—tweeting, facebook-ing, blogging, or browsing the myriad of sites cyber-world has to offer.

The cycle isn't vicious, but it's indicative of the world we live in today. We are all looking for the easiest way to appease the restless beast within us that feels trapped by the monotony of doing the same ol' thing everyday.

That said, it's high time that all of us, who are stuck in that rut, start re-evaluating our direction.

Don't continue to fall back on the same patent excuses that have come to be a staple of our explanatory repertoires—not enough time, not enough money, or not enough resources—but, rather, start looking at what opportunities you can make happen for yourself.

What can Y-O-U do to make your life better?

Because, the sooner you start believing and understanding that there is more to this life for you than a routine you'd just as soon chuck than adhere to, the more fulfilling your days and nights will become.

Day 17: Mirror, Mirror...

What you see when you look in the mirror can tell you a lot about yourself.

It's human nature to pick at the flaws: Our hair is too short or too long, our nose is too big or too little, our teeth are too crooked or too yellow, or we wish we had a more ideal body—one that rivals that of an athlete or a movie star.

That said, some of us have a tendency to be more critical than others. Some of us see flaws that aren't there—things that we perceive, in our minds, to be visible to others, but that are, in truth, only a reflection of what we feel inside.

It's those thoughts that can be the most damaging to our self-worth and overall growth potential.

At some point, you have to come to a crossroads about who you are, and who you can be. None of us are destined for perfection, but no one will fault you for trying to be the best version of you that you can—so, go for it.

However, don't lose perspective in the process. Always remember why you are doing what you're doing.

If your motivation is to fit a goal that you've already realized within yourself, then plug away. There is nothing wrong with self-improvement that's born of positive self-actualization.

On the flip side, if your goal is set based on external factors in your environment, then you could be setting yourself up for failure. There is nothing "real" about the images you see on a billboard or a television screen. A lot of people, trainers, and money are behind the pretty pictures you see, and setting your goal based solely those images is akin to setting out on a dark path—minus a working flashlight, a map, or a clear sense of direction—you might get there, at some point, but your emotional and psychological compass will be battered and bruised a great deal along the way.

Don't let your journey towards self-actualization be set using a worldly compass, develop your own compass, set your own pace, and have faith that, at the end of your journey, you will be every bit the person you hoped you could be.

Day 16: Don't Be A Doormat...

It is in the nature of a few less evolved beings to gain confidence by belittling, insulting, or invalidating another. It's a character flaw within them that cannot be corrected by anything that you say or do so, your best bet is to disassociate yourself from that person altogether and pursue a healthier relationship elsewhere.

Don't waste time trying to change the person or make them understand your point of view, just make a clean break from them altogether so they can, hopefully, be forced into the self-evaluation that they so desperately need to undertake.

In other words, there is no honor in being someone's plaything. You have to make the decision to believe that you are worthy of better than a relationship where a person's only aim is to use you to feel good about themselves.

Life is too short and the population too big to accept that you aren't worthy of more than a modicum of respect.

Don't be the doormat that people are content to walk on, there are plenty enough people ready to fulfill that role already—you don't need to add to that number. Instead, be the confident, potential-laden, person that you were born to be and make your friendship a privilege not an entitlement.

Day 15: Sometimes You Just Have to "Do You"...

You can't please everybody. Stop trying...it's useless.

The only person you can take full responsibility for is yourself and, if you spend the better part of your existence trying to gauge the approval of others, your life will be miserable.

Most people aren't looking to praise your efforts. It's human nature to be overly critical and objective—think about it—everywhere you turn, there is judgment.

The eyes of your church congregation are gauging how "christian" you are, your friends are questioning the decisions you make in regards to your dress, your career, your parenting, and your money, and society expects you to be a law-abiding citizen with the potential to offer a great deal to their world.

Just living is a challenge because nothing comes without criticism or expectation.

That said, the best you can do is be the best version of yourself—every. single. day.

Don't worry about what any one has to say, don't continually alter your actions so that they're consistent with what others feel they should be, and don't waste time trying to be someone that you're not—that's an injustice to you and the one beautiful life God has granted.

Do the things that make you feel good and make you the most effective person for those who are the most important parts of your life—period. As for every one else clawing at you and telling you who you should be, well, tell them your dance card is full, and advise them to take a number.

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Day 14: Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say...

Believe it or not, that's a hard concept for some people to grasp. They don't get the difference between talking to somebody and talking at them—trust me, the two are not the same.

It has always been my philosophy to be honest with myself about the point I'm trying to make. Emotions are too easy to get caught up in, and words become like daggers with poisoned tips for you to spew out, rapid fire, until you can emerge victorious—albeit stained with the blood and guts of the person you've disemboweled.

The analogy may seem vivid and violent, but it illustrates just how damaging words can be.

With that said, it's always important to approach, potentially, volatile situations with a plan. Ask yourself where your head is before you engage in an emotional debate with someone you care about. If you know you are angry, hurt, or overly sensitive, perhaps it's best to table the discussion for a later time—when you can be more rational.

However, if you are caught up in the heat of the moment, and the tussle gets harsh enough that the vitriol begins to well-up within you, and make it's way to the tip of your tongue, stop and ask yourself what it is you wish to say—is your ultimate goal to hurt or to educate?

If your aim is to hurt, then it doesn't need to be said. Spite for spite's sake is useless and it causes nothing but more pain in the long run. 

If the aim is to educate the individual about your needs, your expectations, and your qualms, then that's productive. That's a starting point for the healing process and a step towards personal growth for you because you are learning how to communicate your emotions in a more mature manner.

Whatever you do, take care not to place yourself in a situation that you'll be sorry for later and, always remember, words linger longer than circumstances. No matter how your issues get resolved, a person never forgets the way something you said made them feel—don't plant the seeds of negativity that could later spring up and overwhelm you or your relationship.

Neither of you may be able to recover.

Amazon Offering Pedophile Book for Public Consumption—Seriously

As much as I consider myself a proponent of free speech and non-censorship, I do come across things that make my blood boil from time-to-time—particularly as the mother of two young children.

Amazon.com is offering the following book for public consumption and, honestly, I see absolutely no merit in them doing so:

 

Seriously, this is something that needs to be sold?

Even more disturbing is the product's description:

Product Description

This is my attempt to make pedophile situations safer for those juveniles that find themselves involved in them, by establishing certain rules for these adults to follow. I hope to achieve this by appealing to the better nature of pedosexuals, with hope that their doing so will result in less hatred and perhaps liter sentences should they ever be caught.

Huh? What?!? So, let me get this straight, this book is meant to make the victims of these animals more amenable to whatever is done to them so that if/when they get caught, the consequences won't be as bad?!?

There are no words for such filth and, honestly, until Amazon removes this offensive product from its offerings, I have little need to shop, refer, or even look at their site.

Just unbelievable...and don't even get me started on the complete ignoramus who actually wrote this "book".

Day 13: What Will Your Legacy Be?...

As we get older and become more settled in the lives we've chosen, we start to wonder what our mark on the world will be. Have we done anything important? Have we made an impact? What will our legacy be once we're gone and only the memory of us remains?

Can we be proud of what we're leaving behind?

In all honesty, most of us will never have the impact that a Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, or Bono have had on this world. Our resources simply aren't that vast and our reach not that substantial. That said, the biggest influence any one of us can have doesn't lie in our pockets or our popularity but, rather, in the example we set for others.

The way you live your life can be of great influence to those around you. Your decision to live with integrity might become the catalyst for another's decision to do so—and who knows how their decisions will, ultimately, impact and influence the world.

A legacy is wonderful to have—who doesn't want a little recognition at the end of the day—but you should strive to live your life as purposefully as possible.

By doing so, you impact the development of all who know you and, at the end of the day, the memory of you will be a gift and a motivator for those who never knew their own potential. No monuments or buildings may be dedicated in your name, but your legacy will live on in the hearts and minds of the many you touch along the way.

Be someone you can be proud of everyday, the rest will take care of itself.

Day 12: Staying Motivated...

It's a tough thing to do. No matter what your goal, exercising, eating right, finishing a project, reading a book, etc., it's tough to keep your mind settled and focused long enough to maintain the level of progress that you feel is necessary to say you are a success.

Some will say the trick is to set small goals each day and concentrate on meeting that one goal—that way you aren't overwhelmed by the enormity of it all.

The problem with that is, some of us are so intertwined in the day-to-day task of just being ourselves (as parents, as caretakers, as employees, etc.) that we fall short of even the small goals we endeavor to set. When that happens, we feel even more discouraged, making it easier to give up and abandon the idea of success altogether.

In my humble opinion, the trick isn't in setting a small goal that you can meet, but in remembering that if you don't meet your goal for that day, tomorrow presents a new opportunity for doing so.

Don't beat yourself up over what you haven't done, take pride in what you do manage to accomplish and give it another go tomorrow.

Does this work in all situations, of course not, but the idea is to keep your mind settled on remaining positive and recognizing your progress (no matter how big or small it turns out to be)—the rest will fall into place as your life makes room for it.

Day 11: Great Music Is Hard To Find...

I'm not a child of the 50's or 60's. The era of my musical conscience starts with the 80's. That said, I have always considered myself a person who can appreciate quality music—no matter the genre. So, as I listen across the landscape of what the world has to offer these days, I find that I am utterly disappointed by what I hear.

The music of now lacks the soul, spirit, and awareness that the music of the 60's and 70's  wrought with such ease. There are no modern day Marvin Gaye's, James Taylor's, Aretha Franklin's, or Carole King's for us to relate to, just a bunch of mildly talented singer/songwriters who no one is likely to recall a decade from now.

It's sad, really, because I hate to think that the best music my children will ever listen to will have to come courtesy of my iTunes collection.

Admittedly, there are under-appreciated artists out there who aren't getting their due, but they are harder to find than they used to be and the music industry appears more interested in promoting the bad than the good.

Either way, music like this...\"People Get Ready\" by Curtis Mayfield

this...\"Into The Mystic\" by Van Morrison

or this...\"Sittin\' On The Dock of The Bay\" by Otis Redding

aren't likely to come around again—anytime soon.

Day Ten: Sometimes Life Can Be Tough...

People love to wonder why "bad things happen to good people"...well, in truth, they happen to bad people too—we just don't care as much. Life isn't easy for any of us, but for those who have faith, it's a lot easier to take the good with the bad.

The amazing thing about life is how often so many of us take the little things for granted because we are too busy complaining about the big things. Of course that's only natural, no one likes to have his/her progress impeded by obstacles. So, we rail against those intrusions with our fists clenched tight and our voices screaming loudly to no one in particular: "WHY ME?!? WHY ME?"

Well, why not you? Who are you, specifically, to be immune to disaster? Last check there were only two mortals in the last 50-years who could profess to be even the slightest bit unnerved by life's injustice—one was named Ghandi and the other was named Mother Teresa—neither showed a penchant for complaining much.

The truth is, you aren't immune to anything. Life is going to take its best shot at you because that's what it's supposed to do. So, the real question you need to be asking instead of "why me?" is "what am I going to do about it?"

Day Ten: Know Your Dreams...

Do you know what you want out of life? If you don't, it's foolish to expect anyone else to be able to figure it out for you. Know yourself before you decide to become one with another—that can make all the difference.

Too many men and women are running around looking for a partner to define them. They don't feel complete without someone standing by their side telling them how important they are because they are loved.

Well, contrary to what you might have been told, you cannot count on another person to make you feel whole. It's far better to figure out who you are, for yourself, using your own devices, before you place your psyche into the control of another.

See, the trouble with losing yourself into a person is that if that person leaves, you won't know where to find what you have lost. How will you decipher the real you from the one who was attached to the label of girl or boyfriend? Do you know who you are minus your mate?

The question is the same where friendships are concerned. Don't attach your identity to the clique you claim or the social group you represent. You have to know who you are before you enter into a relationship, of any kind, with anybody. If you don't, you aren't doing yourself or those who wish to claim you, any favors.

Spend some time, alone, finding out exactly who you are now and who you want to be—get secure in that—and then take the steps to find the people who most compliment those ideals.

Day Nine: Reality TV Is Ruining The World...

It's amazing how much "reality television" is on tv these days. No need to bother being talented anymore, just be a complete moron, or a total huzzy, and we'll (society) make you a star!

Whenever a promo for The Jersey Shore comes on, there is an immediate reaction—complete and utter disgust.

The "entertainment" industry has played a huge role in dumbing down our need for quality television. Who needs a script or good, quality acting anymore, just be the biggest slut or the most obnoxious ass you can be and you'll get your fifteen-minutes soon enough.

Even still, it's tough to, completely, blame the film or television industry for the lack of quality coming into our cineplexes and living rooms because you can't market what isn't in demand.

However, at some point, why not offer something for those of us who aren't entertained by a bunch of untrained idiots parading as superstars? Offer a television program that has a script—as odd as that sounds—and actors who want to be taken seriously? That would be a lovely change of pace.

A much better alternative than this garbage:



...quality television at its best.

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Day Eight: Don't Debate With Idiots...

There's nothing wrong with having an intelligent debate with anyone, just make sure you bring your intelligence with you—ignorance isn't always blissful.

The ignorant love to argue.

They don't do it because they have anything relevant to say but, rather, because they want to feel relevant. Don't give them the satisfaction of, unnecessarily raising your ire. It's not worth it, for one, and it usually won't get you anywhere—for two.

The best thing to do when you're faced with a "debate" with a person who has left his/her intelligence at the door, is to keep walking. However, if you, just for kicks, want to engage in a conversation with a person who has offered an ignorant perspective to an otherwise intelligent round of chit-chat, then check your motivations. Do you, 1) only hope to educate them or 2) feel a need to strut your superior knowledge on a particular topic?

If the answer is number one, then good for you and bless your efforts. No change was ever made without first taking a step into the fire. However, if your motive centers around number two, then it's possible you might be just as ignorant as they are—so check yourself first—no one likes an arrogant S.O.B.

Day Seven: You Are What You Are...

never waste time trying to explain who you are to anyone. This is you now. This is you then, and in the future. Take it or leave it, but this is you.

It's amazing that people actually expect you to explain who you are to them...as if it's something you owe them—an explanation of you. Listen, you don't owe anyone an explanation for being who you are. You are a collection of experiences, emotions, relationships, time, and existence.

You are who you are because you've been blessed to breathe—period.

This life is short. Too short to start feeling as if the person you are or are becoming needs to justify itself.

Be who you are...without apologies—and no explanations. Tell everyone else to respect that or keep it moving.