My Mothers Day Testimony

I was watching a television the other day and I saw this beautiful commercial by Procter and Gamble:




I cry like a baby every time I watch it because I think of my own children and how quickly they're growing into little people with dreams of their own. Even at four and seven, they seem so big to me now because I so vividly remember holding each of their tiny little hands in my own after they were born.

My little girl, age four, and the most beautiful ballerina I've ever seen, is coming into her own more and more each day. She's like a sponge, soaking up every experience and making me pause to appreciate even the simplest of things as she sees them through her own very unique perspective.

Her smile melts me even on the most difficult of days because I know there is nothing but love and adoration behind it. And it is that adoration and love that makes me want to rope the moon for her if I can.

She is my princess and I cannot imagine a more perfect bond than the one I know we will have as she grows older.

My son, seven, is  smart, funny, and so full of life that it's nearly contagious. And as I shuttle him back and forth to soccer, karate, or scouts, I see the wonderful little boy he's becoming and I can't help but smile at how proud I am of how well he's making his way through this world.

He protects his sister, no matter what, and he is always willing to lend a helping hand to me or dad—no matter what the task—simply because he wants so much for us to be proud of him. He loves having a reason to make us smile and say "atta boy" because to him that means everything—and to us that means the world.

His compassion towards others is beautiful to see and I love how he's always leaving me little notes to say how great a mom he thinks I am or how much he loves his family.

He is our little man of the house and even at seven-years old, he's not ashamed to give his mom a kiss and hug in front of his friends in the carpool line :)

My children make every sacrifice worth it for me because their love is priceless and there aren't enough adjectives to express how blessed and favored I feel simply for being given the opportunity to be their mother. They are my divine gifts from above and on Mothers Day and every other I say "Thank You" to Him for loving me enough to send these two beautiful spirits into our lives.

So, from one mother to all the current and future mommies, I say Happy Mothers Day! We are all blessed beyond measure.

I Will Try To Fix You

Building a relationship is difficult. It's particularly difficult when you've been burned because you're no longer able to trust as easily as you once did and, as a result, you close yourself off. Why? Well, that's simple, you don't want to be hurt again, but it's the layers beneath that which makes it so hard to accept love in your world again.

Once you've been hurt, you are forced to rediscover yourself within this new persona—this persona of a person who has been hurt and left scarred by another—and then you have to decide if the new person you've become is ready to do it all over again with someone else.

Most people reach for the natural defense mechanism of putting up a wall as high as the one they built at Jericho and saying, 'okay, if you want in, then let me see you knock these walls down', only then are they willing to give this potential love interest the opportunity to have an honest conversation with them about what they want and how much they are willing to give in return.

I've been there, I've done that, and I can tell you without question that this mechanism, this approach to surrendering yourself to love again, serves only one purpose—to make certain that you never find any type of happiness whatsoever.

The natural order of things suggests that anything worth having is worth working hard for, so it's not unusual to understand that one who possesses a beleagured heart might believe that any individual who wants a piece of their heart should be willing to walk through fire to get it.

However, the truth is, when love is real, when it's truly something of value, you don't have the desire to put it through those types of gyrations.  You will welcome it freely—despite the possibility of being hurt all over again—because it feels good.

We have all, to some degree, experienced the pain of a relationship gone wrong, but it's our ability to recover from that experience that sets the bar for our next venture into love. But, be cautious, don't expect the person, for whom you next fall, to have all the answers on how to fix you—they will try, but they cannot possibly do it alone. It's up to you to guide them.

You have to be willing to give enough of yourself to them that they will be able to find the pieces that are broken and, together, help you mend them and, in some cases, replace them altogether. That's a journey for you and them to take as a couple.

If you're not ready to do that, then you're not only doing a disservice to your heart, but to theirs as well.

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Thoughts On Love and Becoming Whole

The beauty of the human heart lay in its capacity to love without end and be loved in return.

I made the decision to attend graduate school closer to my hometown and I did so, in many ways, to save a relationship that was going nowhere.

Now, I know what you're thinking, she was one of those girls. You know the type I'm referring to: the one who would drop everything for a guy.

Well, the answer to that is yes and no.

I spent four years attending school in Iowa—at a school more than 1200 miles away—just to get away from said guy. However, it's difficult to stop loving a person until you truly understand that real love is not meant to be unrequited, painful, or difficult to sustain on a daily basis.

While I understood those things, in theory, I didn't yet have the strength or confidence to use that understanding to break away from the relationship.

In short, I was a girl who needed fixing.

So, one day as I sat alone on my mother's front porch—stood up yet again by this guy I "loved" so much—I said a prayer. I asked God, very simply, to send me the man who would be for me in all ways. I decided I wanted more out of love and life than I was getting from this guy who wasn't yet ready for what I was willing to give to him.

I wanted more not only for me, but for my future children as well.  And, more importantly, I  understood I was worth that and then some.

Often times in life, as we struggle to become the picture perfect version of what the world considers successful, or pretty, or acceptable, we stop remembering to check our inner compass to make sure our spirits are headed in the right direction.

We are far more than a conglomeration of our accomplishments, and are likely filled with exceedingly more depth and character than anyone can assess in a 15 minute conversation. So, as you navigate your way through this world, it's always important to remember who you were before you made that first step towards letting the world know you. What did you stand for? What did you believe? What were you willing to accept?

Don't let another persons definition of those things define the individual you become, and never allow yourself to be redefined in such a way that you lose the very essence of what made you so uniquely wonderful in the first place.

I remembered sitting on my mothers porch that day that, first and foremost, I am a child of God and He would not have approved of the woman I was becoming; the kind of woman who had belittled herself so much that she didn't know how deserving she was of all the things He wanted her to have.

After that day, I began to feel the traces of doubt, fear, and indecision leave and that allowed me to open my heart to love...a real love.

I never worried about that guy again because I trusted that God would bring me someone infinitely better, and he did. I was blessed with a man who was more than any dream or fairytale could have predicted.

We'll celebrate our 14th year together this October.

It doesn't matter who you are, what religious principles you subscribe to, or what philosophy you choose to lead your life by, we are all touched and molded by love. In the end the most important thing to remember is to be open to a love that doesn't attempt to change who you are, but rather makes the person you already are better.

There Is A Difference Between Being Silent and Being Stifled

"In the end we are all separate: our stories, no matter how similar, come to a fork and diverge. We are drawn to each other because of our similarities, but it is our differences we must learn to respect."

There are so many times when each of us feels a need to stay within the boundaries of conformity because we don't wish to offend or challenge the sensibilities of another.

It's safer to say nothing or silently disagree with those who forcefully offer us their opinion because we don't see or feel a need to fight. However, there is a difference between being silent and being stifled.

Your thoughts and opinions are every bit as important as those around you, and you must not allow yourself to be silenced just because your opinion does not meet with majority approval; thereby causing tension.

God created man in His image, but he never said that every man would be, think, or live in a like-minded way—he gave all of us free agency—we were meant to be individualistic in thought and action.

A few weeks back I got into a conversation with an Atheist who simply refused to understand why I held a belief in God. I stated my beliefs clearly, but the individual persisted and, at some points, rudely insinuated that this belief made me less intelligent. I politely disagreed and let them know that their opinion is their opinion, but I no longer felt a need to defend my truth to a person who wasn't willing to respect it.

This world is divisive in its makeup due to the presence of different religions, socio-economic statuses, political leanings, ethnicities, and races. None of us have exactly the same experiences in this life, so none of us will agree with everything each other has to say. That said, the most important thing to remember is to always respect others opinions, and expect the same of them for yourself.

Their voice is no more or less important than yours. Don't ever be afraid to be heard.

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You Are The Only One You Will Never Lose

"You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose."—Jo Coudert

Most of us spend our time cultivating and growing into individuals who can eventually be a good match for someone else, yet we never truly understand or try to do what's necessary to be acceptable to ourselves. 

It's important to remember that you are your own worst enemy, and as such you know your weaknesses as well as your strengths. With that knowledge you can either plant the positive seeds of love, which can turn into a greater sense of purpose for both who you are and what you are becoming, or you can nourish the negative seeds that have the capacity to lead you down the long, hard path of self-doubt and internal turmoil.

None of us needs to be useless to another, misery can be it's own company, however, imagine how much less inviting your world would truly be if that inescapable force of unhappiness was you.

Recalling The Best Thing I Never Had

I recently became enamored of a song by Beyonce entitled, "The Best Thing I Never Had". The gist of the song is she dodged a bullet by not staying with the guy she thought was everything, but who treated her like she was nothing. It's both funny and poignant because it gives you a new way of looking at a relationship that was likely doomed from the start.

I spent a number of years in a bad relationship myself. I was young, in high school, and didn't know much about love except what I saw in movies. I suspect my ex didn't know much either, but he seemed to know just as little about being a decent human being as he often treated me with little respect.

That said, it was my responsibility to love and respect myself enough that his behavior should have been unacceptable to me. I take full responsibility for my role in enabling him to be the person he was where I was concerned and I don't regret the lessons I learned from that pain.

Years later, I look back on that experience of "first love" as one of necessity.

I spent a long time pining and hoping he would make a change before I finally realized that it was me who needed to do the changing. Once I did, I was able to open my heart to other possibilities and, soon after, love found me.

We are all tested in our relationships and none of us truly knows what our hearts are capable of until we stop accepting the unacceptable. Take time to figure out what you want from love before you give your heart away.

Trust me, it's worth the wait.


Beyonce's Latest, "Best Thing I Never Had" by NewsLook




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Don't Linger In Negativity

I have bad days—days where I feel worthless, unfit to be a mother/wife, and completely dismayed that the path I've set myself on is one that will lead me straight into the bowels of hell—I am not unlike anyone in that regard, as we all have days where we question our purpose.

However, once I pull myself out of that pit of despair and self-loathing, I remember I am a good person, with a good heart, and I try to view such moments of negative thinking as personal challenges to my resolve as opposed to signs that things are about to get worse.

Even so, many of us have a problem doing the latter and we interpret these moments not as challenges, but as chores, and in so doing greet the roadblocks placed in our way by such momentary losses of confidence with disdain—they're just "one more thing" thrown on top of an already crappy day.

I empathize with those of you who feel that way—I used to feel much the same—but after marriage and children, I no longer feel I have the luxury of lingering in negativity for too long because it leads to a lack of productivity and I have too many responsibilities to be unproductive. 

So, what I try to do each day is reaffirm my strengths. I remind myself that I can handle anything and if I can't handle it right then, I try to move beyond it—save it for meditation and reflection at a later time if necessary—but my ultimate goal is not to emotionally linger inside that negativity.

Now, I know what you're saying, that approach doesn't always work in a job situation. Sometimes you're assigned a task that spells misery from the start and will be miserable until you get the job done. I understand that, but notice I said "don't emotionally linger"?

There is a difference.

Even the work day ends at some point, right? So, the question you have to answer is do you leave the misery at its source or do you carry it home with you?

If the answer is the latter, then there is your problem. You cannot be effective at home, with friends, in relationships, or anywhere else if you never detach from the negativity and frustrations that often play a major hand in laying the foundation for the self-loathing I spoke of at the start.

All of us are going to be faced with moments where we feel poorly, inside and out, but the choice to keep and carry those things around versus letting them go belongs to you as an individual and you should never place that power in the hands of another. 

Be cognizant of what you internalize so that you can refocus your energy on enhancing the things that fill you with a greater sense of purpose and joy as opposed to holding onto the things that are suffocating you and making your life, as well as those around you, less rewarding.

Everything Comes To The Light

It's impossible to live a lie for very long. At some point you have to address the issues around you for what they are and try to bring the truth into focus. It won't matter that beneath the surface there lies a mountain of pain or that neither you, nor the involved party—assuming there is one—are ready to accept the truth. The ultimate goal, for you, will be to find peace.

Peace of mind, peace in heart, and peace for the soul you've neglected for so long by living in a way that's untrue to what you believe is the best version of yourself.

The trouble with love and relationships is that so many of us feel the need to give away the most important parts of what makes us who we are, so that we can co-exist with another. While compromise is always necessary where love (and to some extent friendship) is concerned, sacrifice should not be— there is a difference between the two.

However, when companionship is wanted, needed, we do what we feel we must to make it happen—we go outside of our character. We make changes because we feel it's better to be broken than alone. But, ask yourself this: is it worse to be alone with your self-respect and dignity, or broken but with someone?

A person that loves you, cares for you, and wants what's best for you, WILL NOT let you compromise who you are to be with them—they will love you for and, sometimes, in spite of those things, and you will work together to find a place for those parts within your relationship. You won't have to choose—and you shouldn't.

Despite what people tell you, two halves  don't make a relationship whole—you should be able to bring all of yourself to the table when you make the decision to turn over your heart. If that's not possible, step away—no matter how much it hurts.

We're All Entitled To A Bad Day

Life can be a piece of work and, despite your best intention, there will come a day when you'll wake up and say, " I just can't do it. I'd rather stay in my bed, with the shades drawn, than face another day".

It's inevitable and it's happened to most of us at some point in our lives.

The trick when it happens is determining how to contain the miserable feeling of that day to just that—one day—because you don't want the inconvenience of one bad day to become the basis for having one lousy year.

That's never good.

However, how do you stop that train? I mean, let's face it, it's not easy to keep emotions from spiraling out of control and life has a way of kicking you in the teeth once you're firmly in the mud.

Sometimes it just seems easier to wallow and live inside the pain rather than do anything about it.

Cut all ties and become a loner.

If you shut yourself off from the people, and the connections they offer, you all but guarantee an existence devoid of the pain, disappointment, and excuses they'll be forced to give you—if/when they let you down.

For some, that justifies a life lived without friends, loves, or purpose.

However, the inability to open yourself up to said pain also negates the ability to accept the positives it has to offer—love, companionship, and happiness, to name a few.

You have to decide for yourself if your life is for living or for just being lived—trust there is a difference—and, if you decide it's the latter, you get out of bed, walk out the door, and tell the world to take its best shot.

In my opinion, the risk is worth the reward.





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Day Ten: Know Your Dreams...

Do you know what you want out of life? If you don't, it's foolish to expect anyone else to be able to figure it out for you. Know yourself before you decide to become one with another—that can make all the difference.

Too many men and women are running around looking for a partner to define them. They don't feel complete without someone standing by their side telling them how important they are because they are loved.

Well, contrary to what you might have been told, you cannot count on another person to make you feel whole. It's far better to figure out who you are, for yourself, using your own devices, before you place your psyche into the control of another.

See, the trouble with losing yourself into a person is that if that person leaves, you won't know where to find what you have lost. How will you decipher the real you from the one who was attached to the label of girl or boyfriend? Do you know who you are minus your mate?

The question is the same where friendships are concerned. Don't attach your identity to the clique you claim or the social group you represent. You have to know who you are before you enter into a relationship, of any kind, with anybody. If you don't, you aren't doing yourself or those who wish to claim you, any favors.

Spend some time, alone, finding out exactly who you are now and who you want to be—get secure in that—and then take the steps to find the people who most compliment those ideals.

Day Three: Friendships Shouldn't Be Built On Lies...

You Weren't put on this earth to be a 'yes man'. If youHave to be that in order to remain A person's friend, keep walking, life is too short to spend it kissing someone's backside.

A true friend isn't going to be critical of you for having an opinion. There are always situations where your silence or tact are necessary, but you should never be okay with compromising your beliefs for the sake of pleasing another.

The true definition of friendship lay in the ability of two people to be honest with one another, no matter what the circumstance, and to, within that honesty, find comfort in the knowledge that it comes from a place of respect and love. If that can't happen, the friendship is doomed to fail because neither of you is "keeping it real".

Leave the phoniness at the door where your long-term relationships are concerned. No one needs a union based on BS.