You Can't Be Everything to Everybody—Stop Trying

I obsess a lot—what can I say?

My mind is never quiet long enough to actually enjoy the moment I'm in because it's always moving ahead to the next moment—trust me when I tell you it's the most frustrating aspect of being me. It's also hard to control without some serious effort on my part.

I've relied on both yoga and meditation in many situations, but my spiritual beliefs have guided me the rest of the way and, together, all have allowed me to be more aware of my connection to what's actually happening in front of me—keeping me grounded and focused on what's really important. 

However, in being such an emotion-hopper (yes, that's a made-up word), I have learned a very valuable lesson about the tendency of individuals to be continually absent within the present. You see, as it turns out, this issue isn't unique to me. We all do it.

We all find ourselves scattered into a million different thoughts, trying to figure out how to do it all. It's born of an inner desire to be both perfect and successful—we're afraid to screw up.

So, we overload, over commit, and overdo everything we can to make us feel that we are being productive and useful to those around us. This can especially be the case with mothers.

We put on our capes and strap on that 'S' and say "Superwoman. Yes, I am".


The only problem with that is, in reality, being a superwoman—or man for that matter—isn't a job meant to be done on a daily basis. And, if you do it long enough, you can become a Superdud everywhere else in your life.


Each of us has to find a way to limit the distractions and expectations we place upon ourselves so that we can begin to make room for the everyday things that actually require our attention: our significant others, children, loved ones, etc.

Those are the things that enrich us, and those are the things that will make the living of this life better.

Day 18: There Are No Shortcuts...

Have you ever awoken on a particularly hectic day and thought to yourself, "can I just skip to the end"?

Although it seems like a nice thought, the problem with actually doing so is  you have no idea what you'll miss if you do.

Unfortunately, many of us live in a vacuum filled with the stress and expectations placed in our path by those who employ, love, and befriend us.  We don't want to hear the alarm clock go off in the morning because we know nothing but more stress, more fatigue, and more disappointment is likely all we'll get.

It's an existence that becomes tough to deal with, and many of us have to  develop mechanisms to get through the tough times.

So, we tell ourselves it's only a five-day week and we start living for the weekend.  Or, we party with friends and hope the camaraderie will provide a temporary escape. Better still, we immerse ourselves in the web—tweeting, facebook-ing, blogging, or browsing the myriad of sites cyber-world has to offer.

The cycle isn't vicious, but it's indicative of the world we live in today. We are all looking for the easiest way to appease the restless beast within us that feels trapped by the monotony of doing the same ol' thing everyday.

That said, it's high time that all of us, who are stuck in that rut, start re-evaluating our direction.

Don't continue to fall back on the same patent excuses that have come to be a staple of our explanatory repertoires—not enough time, not enough money, or not enough resources—but, rather, start looking at what opportunities you can make happen for yourself.

What can Y-O-U do to make your life better?

Because, the sooner you start believing and understanding that there is more to this life for you than a routine you'd just as soon chuck than adhere to, the more fulfilling your days and nights will become.

Day 14: Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say...

Believe it or not, that's a hard concept for some people to grasp. They don't get the difference between talking to somebody and talking at them—trust me, the two are not the same.

It has always been my philosophy to be honest with myself about the point I'm trying to make. Emotions are too easy to get caught up in, and words become like daggers with poisoned tips for you to spew out, rapid fire, until you can emerge victorious—albeit stained with the blood and guts of the person you've disemboweled.

The analogy may seem vivid and violent, but it illustrates just how damaging words can be.

With that said, it's always important to approach, potentially, volatile situations with a plan. Ask yourself where your head is before you engage in an emotional debate with someone you care about. If you know you are angry, hurt, or overly sensitive, perhaps it's best to table the discussion for a later time—when you can be more rational.

However, if you are caught up in the heat of the moment, and the tussle gets harsh enough that the vitriol begins to well-up within you, and make it's way to the tip of your tongue, stop and ask yourself what it is you wish to say—is your ultimate goal to hurt or to educate?

If your aim is to hurt, then it doesn't need to be said. Spite for spite's sake is useless and it causes nothing but more pain in the long run. 

If the aim is to educate the individual about your needs, your expectations, and your qualms, then that's productive. That's a starting point for the healing process and a step towards personal growth for you because you are learning how to communicate your emotions in a more mature manner.

Whatever you do, take care not to place yourself in a situation that you'll be sorry for later and, always remember, words linger longer than circumstances. No matter how your issues get resolved, a person never forgets the way something you said made them feel—don't plant the seeds of negativity that could later spring up and overwhelm you or your relationship.

Neither of you may be able to recover.