Change Starts With You

The biggest excuses I hear from those who want to "get fit" but don't ever really make the effort to do so is they either 1) aren't motivated or 2) don't have the time. Those reasons may as well be the footnote to about 60 percent of all the fitness plans that end up going the way of the dinosaur.

While I empathize with those who don't succeed, I know that if you want something badly enough, you'll make the effort to do it no matter what your circumstances. So, I've never been a big fan of any one who complains and gripes about bodily dissatisfaction if the only moves they've made towards changing is to talk about what they're going to do as opposed to actually doing it.

On a personal level, the majority of the women in my family are either overweight or obese and it's a condition most of them have come to accept—and even embrace—as a fact of their life. They've convinced themselves that they're just "curvy", "thick" or "real" women.

I often look to them as motivation to not become complacent because, as shallow as it may sound, my desire to be thin trumps any desire I have to over-indulge in the types of foods that were once a staple of my Southern upbringing.

That next level confidence I have in myself as a woman and as a, pardon my frankness, sexual being, comes in large part from being comfortable with my body—both clothed and not. You can't buy that sort of thing over-the-counter and you certainly won't understand the great love it inspires within oneself to know that you've set a goal and stuck with it.

Fitness more than anything is about making a personal commitment to change. You are sending the message to that inner you that the outside will match the inside. You can't do that if you're constantly making excuses and justifying the bad choices you make regarding food.

I read an article recently and something in it struck a chord with me. The author said that, where being healthy is concerned, you know what you should and should not eat, and you understand that there are consequences to being cavalier with those choices. So, if you never reach your physical potential, the fault lies in you. It's a simple message that speaks volumes.

If you want better, you do better. It's not rocket science.

And that change starts with you.

Day 14: Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say...

Believe it or not, that's a hard concept for some people to grasp. They don't get the difference between talking to somebody and talking at them—trust me, the two are not the same.

It has always been my philosophy to be honest with myself about the point I'm trying to make. Emotions are too easy to get caught up in, and words become like daggers with poisoned tips for you to spew out, rapid fire, until you can emerge victorious—albeit stained with the blood and guts of the person you've disemboweled.

The analogy may seem vivid and violent, but it illustrates just how damaging words can be.

With that said, it's always important to approach, potentially, volatile situations with a plan. Ask yourself where your head is before you engage in an emotional debate with someone you care about. If you know you are angry, hurt, or overly sensitive, perhaps it's best to table the discussion for a later time—when you can be more rational.

However, if you are caught up in the heat of the moment, and the tussle gets harsh enough that the vitriol begins to well-up within you, and make it's way to the tip of your tongue, stop and ask yourself what it is you wish to say—is your ultimate goal to hurt or to educate?

If your aim is to hurt, then it doesn't need to be said. Spite for spite's sake is useless and it causes nothing but more pain in the long run. 

If the aim is to educate the individual about your needs, your expectations, and your qualms, then that's productive. That's a starting point for the healing process and a step towards personal growth for you because you are learning how to communicate your emotions in a more mature manner.

Whatever you do, take care not to place yourself in a situation that you'll be sorry for later and, always remember, words linger longer than circumstances. No matter how your issues get resolved, a person never forgets the way something you said made them feel—don't plant the seeds of negativity that could later spring up and overwhelm you or your relationship.

Neither of you may be able to recover.