Showing posts with label Parent. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parent. Show all posts

Monday, November 28, 2011

County Agency Removes Obese Boy, Watch Out For That Slippery Slope

A report published in the Cleveland Plains-Dealer this morning discusses the recent removal of an 8-year old boy from his family home due to his being grossly overweight (he weighs 200 lbs).

The obvious reaction to a county run agency stepping in on such an issue is, I believe, summed up beautifully in this one quote from said article.

"...one could get ethical whiplash in a world where one arm of government is so concerned about a child's weight that it removes him from his home, while another branch of government argues that french fries and tomato paste on pizza should be counted as servings of vegetables."

Where on earth does the responsibility begin and end on both fronts?

I'll say right off the bat that I heavily empathize with the mother here because, although she has made strides to curb the unhealthy eating habits of her young son, she has often battled with environmental factors that often undercut her efforts when she's not around to monitor him.

Furthermore, as a single-mother, living on a substitute teaching income, she does not have the money to enroll her son at the local YMCA or hire the services of a dietician to help her navigate the often confusing world of food.

As one who often takes great pains to read labels and obey serving sizes, I know precisely how challenging it can be to discern the good foods from the not-so-good ones, and I can say that's this is not a skill that can be developed overnight.

Keeping all of this in mind, how can any agency justify removing this child from his home based solely on his physical condition?

I worked in child protective services for a short time and I can tell you, without hesitation, that I've seen more children left in homes where physical and verbal abuse are present than I would have liked and those same children exhibited signs of abuse at the time of the investigation–yet they remained with the parents because removal was a last resort.

So, what's the message we're sending in this instance, you can abuse your child, but if you feed them too much, we're gonna take them away?

Sounds silly, if you ask me.

How about you try to help fix what's broken before you destroy families who don't have the resources to make immediate changes to a learned—and heretofore unchecked—lifestyle.

I'm not making excuses for this mother–I applaud this agency for being proactive and taking the steps necessary to address this matter– However, instead of removing a well-adjusted child into a foster homes (prior to the removal, this boy was on the honor roll) how about you offer alternatives to the parent?

The article states that the agency has looked into moving the child to a home where a personal trainer exists. How about gifting the mother a gym membership and arranging bi-monthly visits with a registered dietician who can assist them in reaching their goals?

Why stress county/state funds by doling out money to a foster parent—who can request reimbursements for travel to and from medical appointments and also receives a monthly payment for keeping said child in their home—enrolling yet another individual into the medicaid program (because you can bet that money for this boy's healthcare will need to come from somewhere),or setting up yet another situation where food stamps will be needed just because you're not thinking outside the box?

Obesity isn't a community problem, it's a social one,and a fix for it is needed at every level—starting with the federal government.

I'm all for offering help to those who are actively trying to make a change in the way their families think about food, but that change will take time—particularly if that particular family is struggling to make ends meet and the cheapest food available is often not the healthiest—but don't confuse intervention with education.

Think first, then act.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Money, Money, Money

I'm terrible with money. I'm not saying I can't make decisions on where to put it, how to spend it, or who to give it to, but only that where money is concerned I am terrible about negating my priority as a mother in favor of helping out the pockets or lifestyle of a friend or family member.

My theory as far as money is concerned is fairly straightforward: live your life and I'll live mine.  While I am fully aware that this goes against the philosophy I espouse here on how life is about creating unity amongst each other and tossing out material notions, I am also quite content holding this ideal because I feel my family comes first—I won't jeopardize their comfort or needs simply to prove I am not selfish or superficial.

As children growing up in a single-parent household, my mother's main concern was that we have the privileges she never had growing up as the eldest of nine children. She didn't always have the opportunity to get the things she wanted, when she wanted them, but that feeling of 'want' embedded within her the desire to educate and place herself in a position to where when she had children of her own, they would have more than she ever could have imagined for herself—and we did.

My goal is to carry that standard forward for my children. I want them to see things I've never seen, do things I've never done, and experience life in a way that makes them know how big this world is and how much of a right they have to make their place in it be a special one. And, to be honest, it takes money to do many of those things.

So, when a person (family member, friend, or otherwise) asks me for money that is outside of my comfort level, I have no trouble saying no because I have to consider the repercussions of that decision, on my family and our life, beyond just that moment. That's the honest truth.

Does that mean I don't lend money to those in need? No, it doesn't, it just means I know there's a difference between being helpful and giving your money away. I choose to be helpful when and where I can, but I never do it without considering my priorities first and that should never be considered as a form of selfishness—in my opinion.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Fighting The Demons Within You

This life isn't particularly kind to everyone. I recall being especially unhappy as a high school student with little-to-no social life, a less than stellar boyfriend, and a contentious relationship with my mother. The only thing I wanted to do was escape it all and reinvent myself as a woman of some importance—at least in my own mind—and be free of the pain and loneliness that seemed to frame my life at that time.

Back then, like many girls my age, I was envious of the popularity, good looks, and overall charmed existence of the "popular" girls. Why couldn't I be more like them? Where was my superstar boyfriend (AKA sports hero)? My invitation to all the hot parties? Why wasn't I living the "good life"?

Well, it didn't take me too long to figure out that I was asking and hoping for all the wrong things and,
as a result, it became necessary for me to start sorting out the woman I wanted to be—in this body I felt endlessly uncomfortable living in—with this soul that was sorely lacking in both direction and nourishment.

Now, a number of years later, I reflect upon that time as a moment in my life where I was too centered on the superficial aspects of living to appreciate all the good things I was blessed to have. I was too busy being shallow to understand what characteristics truly mattered in a person—their faith in Christ, their poise, their integrity, and their virtue.

It's a lesson I had to learn in order to "grow up" and become the woman I am today: one who has
so much more to give to those around her because she can see both sides of the battle. I understand what it feels like both to be accepted and to wonder what acceptance feels like.  And, though I'm still evolving on a daily basis, I feel more comfortable living and loving in the beautiful body the good Lord blessed me to have than I did 20 years ago.

Don't get me wrong, that 15-year old, lost, girl with low self-esteem is still a very real part of my story—she still makes an appearance here and there in those moments I find reason to doubt myself—she's just no longer the title character in the movie.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Day 15: Sometimes You Just Have to "Do You"...

You can't please everybody. Stop trying...it's useless.

The only person you can take full responsibility for is yourself and, if you spend the better part of your existence trying to gauge the approval of others, your life will be miserable.

Most people aren't looking to praise your efforts. It's human nature to be overly critical and objective—think about it—everywhere you turn, there is judgment.

The eyes of your church congregation are gauging how "christian" you are, your friends are questioning the decisions you make in regards to your dress, your career, your parenting, and your money, and society expects you to be a law-abiding citizen with the potential to offer a great deal to their world.

Just living is a challenge because nothing comes without criticism or expectation.

That said, the best you can do is be the best version of yourself—every. single. day.

Don't worry about what any one has to say, don't continually alter your actions so that they're consistent with what others feel they should be, and don't waste time trying to be someone that you're not—that's an injustice to you and the one beautiful life God has granted.

Do the things that make you feel good and make you the most effective person for those who are the most important parts of your life—period. As for every one else clawing at you and telling you who you should be, well, tell them your dance card is full, and advise them to take a number.
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