The Undefined Woman

I don't know about you, but my daily list of things to do does not include trips to the spa, a personal trainer, or my local nail salon—not that there's anything wrong with any of that—I'm a simple woman.

I love wearing a comfortable pair of jeans/slacks, a nice top, and a great smile. That's how I make my mark on the world—physically—everyday.

I've never bothered with make-up much, don't care much for heels, and probably know more about football than fashion, but  that's the me I'm happy to be.

The me who has stopped being overly concerned with any suggestion that I'm not "feminine" enough simply because I don't fit into a certain idea of what a woman is "supposed" to be. 

Let me tell you this, despite what you've been told, being a woman has nothing to do with the clothes you wear, the bag you carry, or the face you put on in the morning. Those are merely the things that please the eyes of those around you and make you feel good about yourself when you step out your front door every day.

None of those things mean a hill of beans where peace of mind, heart and spirit are concerned.

You should be able to remove all of the material comforts that people associate with you, and still know who you are, what makes you tick, and what you stand for.

Any woman can buy a pretty piece of clothing and wear the devil out of it, but not many have the courage to say 'this is me, love me or hate me, but this is me' once stripped bare of all the glitz—can you?

When you wake up in the morning you are already beautiful, tussled hair and all. All the stuff that accompanies you out your front door—the bag, the make-up, the shoes—are just the cherries on top of an already perfectly iced cake.

Don't ever forget that.

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What About Your Friends?

You are reborn as a woman once you become a mother. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that our view of the world changes the moment we look into our child's eyes and know that we are responsible for the success of that life. For me, at least, it was an overwhelming moment of excitement, love, and fear because there had been nothing in my life, prior to that point, that could have prepared me for the utter helplessness I felt at that moment.

It's an amazing feeling that I have been blessed to experience twice, and it's something that I often tell friends they have to go through personally to understand.

That said, many of us find that in becoming this new person—oft times as a result of childbirth or marriage—with new responsibilities, and a more focused sense of purpose, we feel pressured to re-evaluate the place others hold in our lives—particularly where friendships with single, childless, individuals are concerned.

Some of us automatically come to the conclusion that those people are no longer relevant in our lives in the way they were before, and we slowly—sometimes without intention—begin to eliminate them from our inner circle. We either forget how to be their friend, or assume they no longer want to be friends with us.

It's a mistake that is often made and, more times than not, those friendships are impossible to repair once they're broken.

Understand this, just because a person has chosen to live a life devoid of a spouse, a child, or both, that does not mean they will be unwilling to accept your new life, and your new experiences in that life.

Any person who has been with you through the good and the bad will likely be game for an adjustment in how your friendship is defined and they will, hopefully, be open to taking the steps it requires to respect the "death" of the carefree, unrestricted person that you were in order to  get acquainted with the harried, slightly flaky person you are likely to become. So you, in turn, should make the effort to be inclusive and allow them the chance to show you how much of your new world they want to be a part of before you make the decision to exclude them altogether.

If they are willing to bend and work with you, and the new demands in your life (demands that will often make calling, spending time with, and being a good friend to them difficult from time to time), then you will find that your friendship will grow and become an even more rewarding part of your new life.

However, if they pull away and distance themselves from you, then you know they weren't meant to continue the journey with you, and you will have to bid them a painful goodbye.

Either way, it takes two to make a friendship work, so don't leave your friend without a say. Good friends don't do such things.

Bend But Don't Break

Recently, I found myself faced with an uncomfortable decision. It was a decision that, no matter what I chose to do, was going to force me to reevaluate my approach to daily living. It was a situation so perplexing in its suddenness that it caused me to question both my strength and my character as a woman.

As I tussled with the prospect of losing this small, yet seminal, amount of control that I had become accustomed to having in my life, I discovered something very important about myself—I'm still growing as both a physical and emotional being.

I had begun to pride myself on being able to be both honest and real where matters of life were concerned and I no longer thought I was capable of such immature regressions because I understood, theoretically, the ramifications of each decision I made and each conflict I was presented with resolving. I had convinced myself that having knowledge about the outcome made me immune to reacting to anything in a rash manner.

I was wrong.

Here's a clue for all of you who, like me, have bought into the notion that your mental state is at-ease and completely mature: it isn't and you're not.

There are challenges awaiting each of us in this world and those challenges are meant to act as  reminders of not only how far you have to go, but of how much you've truly learned about your strength and integrity.

You cannot prepare for everything. Life is not predictable and your emotional self is not always prepared to handle everything that comes its way. You are meant to respond and act spontaneously, sometimes without warning or rationality, and that's okay.

Go with it.

The crime there is never in being true to your feeling, but rather in not recognizing the experience as an opportunity for growth and recognition of both where you are and where you someday want to be.

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Apathy, Change, and You

Each day is a challenge. I wake up every morning, trying my best to arm myself with whatever mental armor I need, so that I won't be blindsided by negativity. However, the one thing I never account for is the fact that everyone around me will be doing the same thing.

As a society, we've been trained to be skeptical of everything and everyone. We question our leaders, question our laws, and rail against the ways of the world that have led us to this mass chaos that, seemingly, has no end. Yet, none of us is truly willing to take responsibility for the role we might have played in this mechanism. We're, all of us, content to put up our walls or stick our heads in the sand.

Many of us assumed we could leave the important decisions to the more informed, more educated, and more involved segments of society. We stopped paying attention to the signs that signaled something wasn't quite right because we had problems of our own to tend to—let somebody else handle this mess. 

The problem with that attitude is that it's pervasive—it never stops at one person—and a society that mass produces an attitude of apathy isn't one headed in the right direction. You have to stand for something if you ever expect to live a life of purpose.

Read a newspaper, watch the news, seek out the knowledge you need to start making the small steps that can eventually get us all back on the right track.

Be the change you wish to see in the world...isn't that what Ghandi said?

Are you being that change or letting the world change you?

Diet and Exercise: The Only "Fad" That Ever Truly Works

You know what galls me the most? The thing that really just eats at my nerves—fad dieting. Never in my life have I been the type to latch onto the latest hip product or drug that will "revolutionize" my workout or help me drop however many jean sizes in less than 8 weeks!

Give. Me. A. Break.

Listen, because this is something that I know for sure: Unless you have a medical condition which keeps you from losing weight effectively, the only weight-loss method that will ever work for you is combining a healthy, well-balanced, diet with 30-60 minutes of exercise on most days of the week.
This is not rocket science, it's just that simple.

Fad diets are a temporary fix to what can be a long-term problem, and those who tend to use the quick route are often those who either a) don't have the time, energy, or motivation to put in the type of work necessary to get in shape, or b) want to believe there's an easier way to remedy a problem that took them years to get to.

If that sounds harsh or insensitive, I apologize, but it is what it is.

Being fit, being healthy, and being the best version of the physical you that is humanly possible takes hard work—every day. It's not easy and it's certainly not something you can do for 12 weeks and then stop. You have to make a lifestyle change and stick to it. If you don't, you will eventually return to the the same you that you are hoping to leave behind.

That being said,  the only question you ever need to ask yourself before beginning a weight-loss plan is this: how committed are you—really?

What's Your Dream?

Your dreams are your dreams. No one should judge them and tell you that they're too big, too small, too outrageous, or too silly. Your dreams are your dreams and you should do whatever you can to make them happen.

See, the problem with us—I include myself in that equation—is we spend far too much time trying to figure out if our dreams are worth having or even possible. In fact, we spend so much time doing it that we, eventually, feel it's better to let them go rather than pursue them and that's when the excuses set in.

You know the excuses, right? Here's a couple of good ones for you: "they were never going to happen anyway" and "I don't have time to do the things I want anymore because of x, y, or z". Life gets in the way of what we want and time shortens the possibilities for ever seeing them come to fruition.

Well, here's the question: who's in charge of your life and your time?

That's a question you need to answer and, once you do—if you do—then you should come back and revisit why it is your dreams aren't able to find a place in your life.

We all have responsibilities, and we all have things that will, temporarily, knock us off our path, but those things should not become the things that keep us from remembering that we have dreams and that those dreams are worth keeping alive—if for no other reason than to keep us living, loving, and moving forward.

There's A Difference Between "Keeping It Real" and Being Real

Most of us don't know who we truly are and we often have trouble separating our true self from the   facade we show to the world.

Of course many of us don't acknowledge the fact that we wear a mask on a daily basis. We just like to assume that we are "keeping it real"—it's everyone else that's being phony.

Well, here's a perfect test for those of you who subscribe to the latter point: think of a topic that interests you. Ponder the ins and outs of that topic for as long you deem necessary to espouse an intelligent opinion. Once you've done so, ask yourself what part of that opinion is based on your own knowledge, and what part of it is based on the knowledge you've absorbed from the sources around you. 

If you find that most of what you believe is built on an article you read, a talk show you heard, or a speaker you've listened to, then you aren't as "real" as you might think.

The natural response to this is to say we are all going to be guilty of doing that. After all, most of us are just a conglomeration of our experiences and social interactions. It's impossible not to be influenced or shaped by external factors in our environment. 

That's true, and in no way do I expect that this world will house a human being who hasn't been touched or influenced by something he/she read, did, or experienced. That's the way we become who we are—through experiencing this life as an observer.

However, you have to begin investigating and researching matters on your own, as well. You have to start realizing that regurgitating the philosophies of another doesn't make you sound intelligent, it makes you look misinformed.

In as much as you are an observer, you should also be an experimenter. Your belief system should be a result of what YOU know for sure and not what you've heard from the majority. Walk your own path, formulate your own opinions, and become your own person.

There are enough people out there "keeping it real", strive to be a part of the group that's just being real.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

You Can't Be Everything to Everybody—Stop Trying

I obsess a lot—what can I say?

My mind is never quiet long enough to actually enjoy the moment I'm in because it's always moving ahead to the next moment—trust me when I tell you it's the most frustrating aspect of being me. It's also hard to control without some serious effort on my part.

I've relied on both yoga and meditation in many situations, but my spiritual beliefs have guided me the rest of the way and, together, all have allowed me to be more aware of my connection to what's actually happening in front of me—keeping me grounded and focused on what's really important. 

However, in being such an emotion-hopper (yes, that's a made-up word), I have learned a very valuable lesson about the tendency of individuals to be continually absent within the present. You see, as it turns out, this issue isn't unique to me. We all do it.

We all find ourselves scattered into a million different thoughts, trying to figure out how to do it all. It's born of an inner desire to be both perfect and successful—we're afraid to screw up.

So, we overload, over commit, and overdo everything we can to make us feel that we are being productive and useful to those around us. This can especially be the case with mothers.

We put on our capes and strap on that 'S' and say "Superwoman. Yes, I am".


The only problem with that is, in reality, being a superwoman—or man for that matter—isn't a job meant to be done on a daily basis. And, if you do it long enough, you can become a Superdud everywhere else in your life.


Each of us has to find a way to limit the distractions and expectations we place upon ourselves so that we can begin to make room for the everyday things that actually require our attention: our significant others, children, loved ones, etc.

Those are the things that enrich us, and those are the things that will make the living of this life better.

Sometimes You Need A Little "Me Time"...

Most of us feel selfish when we realize we need time for self—especially when you have kids—it's as if we all decided that becoming a responsible adult meant the end of all activities geared towards personal enjoyment. There was to be no more fun...ever.

Well, forgive me for saying so, but, that's a load of crap!

Being a mother, father, sister, brother, cousin, friend, daughter, or son in no way obligates you to remain tethered to playing whatever role you feel you're expected to play. You are entitled to take that fishing/hunting trip, go see that movie you've been wanting to see, or make that jaunt to the local mall to catch up on your window-shopping.

You are every bit as important as those you give your time to, and if you don't recharge, you will regress into the solemn, sad, and stressed out state that lends to depression, anger, and resentment.

You owe it to yourself to be mindful of your needs—even if that means being selfish—and whenever the guilt creeps in, just remind yourself that even God rested on day seven.

Day 30: Don't Worry About It...

We worry. It's a part of life that most of us will not escape and one that we have grown accustom to accepting. And, truthfully, that's alright—that's normal.

That said, you have to start understanding that worrying is less about being stressed than it is about being aware that life still has much to teach us—if we are open to learning.

Many of us become so focused on the negative aspects of the actual worrying (i.e. what we don't have, what we can't have, or what we need to have) that we forget that there is more to the act of worrying than meets the eye.

Think about it, it's never so much the worrying that harms us as it is the potential outcome of the thing we're worried about.

"If I don't get this bill paid, I could lose x, y, or z", "If I don't get this job, I don't know what I'll do", or "If I can't pay for my child to do this, I'd hate to see his/her disappointment". All of that is valid, but it's surface and, mostly, outside of our control.

That said, if you dig deeper you'll find that at the very core of our worries is fear. A fear of being a failure. A fear that perhaps your confidence isn't as strong or as solid as you thought it to be.

It's about insecurity and that is something that is fixable if we refocus our attention on the root cause of said feelings.

Now, I'm not saying that all worries can be written off to feeling uncomfortable in our own skin, but I am saying that it's important to examine why that particular something is so bothersome to you—again, find the root cause.

If you can begin to figure that out, you might find a lot less reason to worry at all.






- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

New Year's Dissolution: Make 2011 The Year You Break The Bad

The problem with making resolutions, as so many of us do this time of year, is we almost never keep them. Sure, we start with great intentions and a lot of steam but, by March or April, we're done being focused—we are no longer able to sustain our enthusiasm for meeting those preset goals.

Some might call that an issue of commitment, but I call it an issue of life.

Failed resolutions are less about an inability to remain true to yourself than they are about an incapability to add more to a plate that's already full. If you're stretched thin already, how on earth will you find the time to meet the demands of joining a gym or finding a mate?

If your goal is to become debt free, how will you do that if you don't see a raise or any additional income in your immediate future.

You're planning to get a better job? Great, but who's hiring?

Life is just as much an obstacle to progress, as progress is an enhancer to life.

So, instead of making resolutions that can make you feel awful if they're not completed, start making goals with dissolution in mind. Here are just a few suggestions to get you started:

1. Release yourself from one outside commitment. 

Many of us obligate ourselves too much. Take stock of the things that enrich you and make them your focus—half of yourself given to 100 things is not better than all of you given to 10.

2. Learn to say 'NO'. 

'No' is not a bad word. Start changing the negative connotation behind it into what it truly means—in some instances—an opportunity to Nourish One's self. Take that time to reconnect with your inner spirit and you'll feel and be better for it.

3. Let go of the bad. 

Whether it's an old coat, a lingering thought, or a dying relationship, start the process of letting it go.

Remove the anger, the pain, and the resentment from your life so that you have more room for the happiness, the joy, and the forgiveness that your heart and soul crave.

4. Write a letter to yourself. 

Each of us is guilty of being too critical in our self-assessment. We belittle our efforts, eschew our talents, and pretend that we aren't worthy of better.

That said, write a letter to yourself. Make it a bold, scathing, and vitriolic indictment to the person you feel you are—then set it on fire.
 
5. Stop feeling guilty for being selfish. 

Selfishness is a necessity. There is no growth without attention to one's self. You have to become both knowledgeable and focused on making you into a better person, and that cannot be done if you spend a majority of your time beating yourself up for being a little indulgent. 

6. Devote 15 minutes a day to doing nothing. 

15 minutes may seem like a small amount but, for some, finding that 15 minutes is a challenge.

Outside of restroom breaks or sleep, we are constantly in motion or thought, and 15 minutes of nothing is just as much about being mentally still as it is about being physically still.

Find your center and take those minutes to just 'be'.
 
Conclusion:

Dissolution is about undoing bad habits and, without undoing some of the bad ones, you can never be resolute in introducing the good ones. The journey towards resolve starts with dissolving the negative parts of your life so that you can become whole again.

Start there and let the rest of your journey unfold as it may.

Day 24: Your Worth Is Infinite...

If you work hard, and live right, there is always a part of you that is looking to be rewarded for giving your maximum effort. And, while the payoff may not always arrive in the form you most desire, you should not be negatively viewed for expecting some amount of acknowledgment for what you've done.

The problem with most of us is we feel like we don't have the right to expect a "thank you" or a "nice job" in return for being generous with our time, but we couldn't be more wrong.

When you give of yourself, particularly when you do so at the expense of the time you might otherwise spend with family, friends, or in self-enhancement, you are elevating that person or cause to first priority; thereby sending a message that they/their cause is important to you—there is both honor and sacrifice in doing such.

For that alone, you deserve to be recognized and, in accepting that recognition, you need to feel confident that you aren't being self-centered or selfish, but rather understanding that your actions are worthy of praise—even if it's minor in nature.

To be clear, I am in not saying you should walk around expecting pats on the back or statues erected in your honor.  Humility is still expected, and no charitable act should be taken solely for the purpose of receiving an accolade.

However, if you are giving all the time, without ever receiving anything in return—even if it's only a "thank you"—then there is something wrong and, at some point, you could grow to resent the person or cause that you are devoting your efforts towards because you feel your sacrifices aren't being appreciated or considered.

Own your compassion in such a way that you never allow your kindness to be the button others are allowed to press for personal gain because while your worth is infinite, your time is short, and you should never let anyone use your time to such a degree that you feel worthless.

Day 23: You Can Do Bad All By Yourself...

There are a high-percentage of miserable people in this world who have one goal: to make your life miserable too.

They don't appreciate seeing you happy, accomplished, blessed, or ambitious. No, it's far easier and more satisfying to them if you fall flat on your face—a complete and utter failure.

Those kinds of people are better left in a boat, sailing alone, in an endless river—towards oblivion. Well, maybe not oblivion, but they definitely should not be allowed to be a functional part of your daily life because they, ultimately, serve no purpose.

While it's easy to understand the nature of a person who is willing to try and build a relationship with such a character—even Judas had friends—it's not smart for your soul. You cannot rely on that subtle instinct within you that says you can be the difference. You can make this person into a better man/woman simply by not giving up on them—showing them they too are worthy of greatness and love.

That's silly. Your job isn't to save them, it's to enhance your life in the best way you can and, chances are, that journey won't go very far if you continue pulling the 500 pound anchor that is negativity and resentment around with you. Let that person evolve by his or herself and not at the expense of your growth.

Now, if said individual resides in close proximity to you, let's say it's your friend, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, life-partner, or what have you, start asking yourself what Y-O-U are getting from an association that's so emotionally stalling—why do you feel you need to have this person in your life?
What purpose do they serve?

If their only function is in making you feel like, by comparison, you are much better person than they—shame on you. However, if they serve no purpose other than to drain you emotionally, physically, and psychologically, then why have them in your life?

Misery can be attained without help...don't waste your life giving it company.

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Day 22: Open Your Mind...

The biggest mistake that many of us make is in believing that our way is the only way to get something done.

Sure, it's wholly possible that you have devised the most efficient, effective, and effortless way to do a particular thing, but that doesn't mean that is the best way for everyone else.

Each of us makes our own way in this world via a path that we set, using the method that's most comfortable for us.

We might take cues from different schools of thought on how we might best accomplish our desired goal but, in the end, we still have to make our own way—and we do.

That said, you have to be willing to allow others to do the same.

Don't force your views, beliefs, or philosophy on another just because you feel they are incapable of being successful without the,—that's not only arrogant, but short-sighted on your part. Be respectful of the process each person needs in order to reach their maximum potential—not yours.

In the end, I'm simply advocating acceptance.

Accept the fact that your way isn't the only way. Allow yourself the opportunity to see things from another perspective, and allow that perspective to be an additional feather in your cap as you continue to evolve, learn, and grow.

Day 21: Testing Your Patience...

Sometimes the person you love the most can get under your skin. It's a privilege they have, born of the simple fact that they either a) have known you for a long time or b) are connected to you by blood.

In either case, they know where to hit you where it hurts when they get good and ready and, despite your best attempts, their daggers are difficult to ignore.

Understanding this point, you begin to realize that there will be situations where you cannot handle things diplomatically and you'll have to find your own way to fight back against the emotional and psychological conflict.

But how do you accomplish such a feat? What can you do that can be equally as effective, and nerve-wrecking as what they are doing to you?...Say nothing.

Be silent. Be Patient. Be still.

Now, I know what you're thinking. It immediately occurs to you that some things need to be addressed, and you are right—they do. However, choose to address them calmly. Don't yell, don't scream, don't trade barbs. Just correct what is wrong, and return to your silent meditation. By doing so, the person loses their target and the conflict loses it's luster.

No one wants to fight alone.

Become a temporary island where irrationality, bitterness, and contempt are not allowed to drop anchor—redirect those things, along with their carriers, to another location. Tell them to return only when they can be more intelligent with what they have to say and, in the meantime, say nothing.

Be silent. Be patient. Be still.

Day 18: There Are No Shortcuts...

Have you ever awoken on a particularly hectic day and thought to yourself, "can I just skip to the end"?

Although it seems like a nice thought, the problem with actually doing so is  you have no idea what you'll miss if you do.

Unfortunately, many of us live in a vacuum filled with the stress and expectations placed in our path by those who employ, love, and befriend us.  We don't want to hear the alarm clock go off in the morning because we know nothing but more stress, more fatigue, and more disappointment is likely all we'll get.

It's an existence that becomes tough to deal with, and many of us have to  develop mechanisms to get through the tough times.

So, we tell ourselves it's only a five-day week and we start living for the weekend.  Or, we party with friends and hope the camaraderie will provide a temporary escape. Better still, we immerse ourselves in the web—tweeting, facebook-ing, blogging, or browsing the myriad of sites cyber-world has to offer.

The cycle isn't vicious, but it's indicative of the world we live in today. We are all looking for the easiest way to appease the restless beast within us that feels trapped by the monotony of doing the same ol' thing everyday.

That said, it's high time that all of us, who are stuck in that rut, start re-evaluating our direction.

Don't continue to fall back on the same patent excuses that have come to be a staple of our explanatory repertoires—not enough time, not enough money, or not enough resources—but, rather, start looking at what opportunities you can make happen for yourself.

What can Y-O-U do to make your life better?

Because, the sooner you start believing and understanding that there is more to this life for you than a routine you'd just as soon chuck than adhere to, the more fulfilling your days and nights will become.

Day 17: Mirror, Mirror...

What you see when you look in the mirror can tell you a lot about yourself.

It's human nature to pick at the flaws: Our hair is too short or too long, our nose is too big or too little, our teeth are too crooked or too yellow, or we wish we had a more ideal body—one that rivals that of an athlete or a movie star.

That said, some of us have a tendency to be more critical than others. Some of us see flaws that aren't there—things that we perceive, in our minds, to be visible to others, but that are, in truth, only a reflection of what we feel inside.

It's those thoughts that can be the most damaging to our self-worth and overall growth potential.

At some point, you have to come to a crossroads about who you are, and who you can be. None of us are destined for perfection, but no one will fault you for trying to be the best version of you that you can—so, go for it.

However, don't lose perspective in the process. Always remember why you are doing what you're doing.

If your motivation is to fit a goal that you've already realized within yourself, then plug away. There is nothing wrong with self-improvement that's born of positive self-actualization.

On the flip side, if your goal is set based on external factors in your environment, then you could be setting yourself up for failure. There is nothing "real" about the images you see on a billboard or a television screen. A lot of people, trainers, and money are behind the pretty pictures you see, and setting your goal based solely those images is akin to setting out on a dark path—minus a working flashlight, a map, or a clear sense of direction—you might get there, at some point, but your emotional and psychological compass will be battered and bruised a great deal along the way.

Don't let your journey towards self-actualization be set using a worldly compass, develop your own compass, set your own pace, and have faith that, at the end of your journey, you will be every bit the person you hoped you could be.

Day 16: Don't Be A Doormat...

It is in the nature of a few less evolved beings to gain confidence by belittling, insulting, or invalidating another. It's a character flaw within them that cannot be corrected by anything that you say or do so, your best bet is to disassociate yourself from that person altogether and pursue a healthier relationship elsewhere.

Don't waste time trying to change the person or make them understand your point of view, just make a clean break from them altogether so they can, hopefully, be forced into the self-evaluation that they so desperately need to undertake.

In other words, there is no honor in being someone's plaything. You have to make the decision to believe that you are worthy of better than a relationship where a person's only aim is to use you to feel good about themselves.

Life is too short and the population too big to accept that you aren't worthy of more than a modicum of respect.

Don't be the doormat that people are content to walk on, there are plenty enough people ready to fulfill that role already—you don't need to add to that number. Instead, be the confident, potential-laden, person that you were born to be and make your friendship a privilege not an entitlement.

Day Ten: Sometimes Life Can Be Tough...

People love to wonder why "bad things happen to good people"...well, in truth, they happen to bad people too—we just don't care as much. Life isn't easy for any of us, but for those who have faith, it's a lot easier to take the good with the bad.

The amazing thing about life is how often so many of us take the little things for granted because we are too busy complaining about the big things. Of course that's only natural, no one likes to have his/her progress impeded by obstacles. So, we rail against those intrusions with our fists clenched tight and our voices screaming loudly to no one in particular: "WHY ME?!? WHY ME?"

Well, why not you? Who are you, specifically, to be immune to disaster? Last check there were only two mortals in the last 50-years who could profess to be even the slightest bit unnerved by life's injustice—one was named Ghandi and the other was named Mother Teresa—neither showed a penchant for complaining much.

The truth is, you aren't immune to anything. Life is going to take its best shot at you because that's what it's supposed to do. So, the real question you need to be asking instead of "why me?" is "what am I going to do about it?"

Day Ten: Know Your Dreams...

Do you know what you want out of life? If you don't, it's foolish to expect anyone else to be able to figure it out for you. Know yourself before you decide to become one with another—that can make all the difference.

Too many men and women are running around looking for a partner to define them. They don't feel complete without someone standing by their side telling them how important they are because they are loved.

Well, contrary to what you might have been told, you cannot count on another person to make you feel whole. It's far better to figure out who you are, for yourself, using your own devices, before you place your psyche into the control of another.

See, the trouble with losing yourself into a person is that if that person leaves, you won't know where to find what you have lost. How will you decipher the real you from the one who was attached to the label of girl or boyfriend? Do you know who you are minus your mate?

The question is the same where friendships are concerned. Don't attach your identity to the clique you claim or the social group you represent. You have to know who you are before you enter into a relationship, of any kind, with anybody. If you don't, you aren't doing yourself or those who wish to claim you, any favors.

Spend some time, alone, finding out exactly who you are now and who you want to be—get secure in that—and then take the steps to find the people who most compliment those ideals.