New Year's Dissolution: Make 2011 The Year You Break The Bad

The problem with making resolutions, as so many of us do this time of year, is we almost never keep them. Sure, we start with great intentions and a lot of steam but, by March or April, we're done being focused—we are no longer able to sustain our enthusiasm for meeting those preset goals.

Some might call that an issue of commitment, but I call it an issue of life.

Failed resolutions are less about an inability to remain true to yourself than they are about an incapability to add more to a plate that's already full. If you're stretched thin already, how on earth will you find the time to meet the demands of joining a gym or finding a mate?

If your goal is to become debt free, how will you do that if you don't see a raise or any additional income in your immediate future.

You're planning to get a better job? Great, but who's hiring?

Life is just as much an obstacle to progress, as progress is an enhancer to life.

So, instead of making resolutions that can make you feel awful if they're not completed, start making goals with dissolution in mind. Here are just a few suggestions to get you started:

1. Release yourself from one outside commitment. 

Many of us obligate ourselves too much. Take stock of the things that enrich you and make them your focus—half of yourself given to 100 things is not better than all of you given to 10.

2. Learn to say 'NO'. 

'No' is not a bad word. Start changing the negative connotation behind it into what it truly means—in some instances—an opportunity to Nourish One's self. Take that time to reconnect with your inner spirit and you'll feel and be better for it.

3. Let go of the bad. 

Whether it's an old coat, a lingering thought, or a dying relationship, start the process of letting it go.

Remove the anger, the pain, and the resentment from your life so that you have more room for the happiness, the joy, and the forgiveness that your heart and soul crave.

4. Write a letter to yourself. 

Each of us is guilty of being too critical in our self-assessment. We belittle our efforts, eschew our talents, and pretend that we aren't worthy of better.

That said, write a letter to yourself. Make it a bold, scathing, and vitriolic indictment to the person you feel you are—then set it on fire.
 
5. Stop feeling guilty for being selfish. 

Selfishness is a necessity. There is no growth without attention to one's self. You have to become both knowledgeable and focused on making you into a better person, and that cannot be done if you spend a majority of your time beating yourself up for being a little indulgent. 

6. Devote 15 minutes a day to doing nothing. 

15 minutes may seem like a small amount but, for some, finding that 15 minutes is a challenge.

Outside of restroom breaks or sleep, we are constantly in motion or thought, and 15 minutes of nothing is just as much about being mentally still as it is about being physically still.

Find your center and take those minutes to just 'be'.
 
Conclusion:

Dissolution is about undoing bad habits and, without undoing some of the bad ones, you can never be resolute in introducing the good ones. The journey towards resolve starts with dissolving the negative parts of your life so that you can become whole again.

Start there and let the rest of your journey unfold as it may.

Day Eight: Don't Debate With Idiots...

There's nothing wrong with having an intelligent debate with anyone, just make sure you bring your intelligence with you—ignorance isn't always blissful.

The ignorant love to argue.

They don't do it because they have anything relevant to say but, rather, because they want to feel relevant. Don't give them the satisfaction of, unnecessarily raising your ire. It's not worth it, for one, and it usually won't get you anywhere—for two.

The best thing to do when you're faced with a "debate" with a person who has left his/her intelligence at the door, is to keep walking. However, if you, just for kicks, want to engage in a conversation with a person who has offered an ignorant perspective to an otherwise intelligent round of chit-chat, then check your motivations. Do you, 1) only hope to educate them or 2) feel a need to strut your superior knowledge on a particular topic?

If the answer is number one, then good for you and bless your efforts. No change was ever made without first taking a step into the fire. However, if your motive centers around number two, then it's possible you might be just as ignorant as they are—so check yourself first—no one likes an arrogant S.O.B.

Day Seven: You Are What You Are...

never waste time trying to explain who you are to anyone. This is you now. This is you then, and in the future. Take it or leave it, but this is you.

It's amazing that people actually expect you to explain who you are to them...as if it's something you owe them—an explanation of you. Listen, you don't owe anyone an explanation for being who you are. You are a collection of experiences, emotions, relationships, time, and existence.

You are who you are because you've been blessed to breathe—period.

This life is short. Too short to start feeling as if the person you are or are becoming needs to justify itself.

Be who you are...without apologies—and no explanations. Tell everyone else to respect that or keep it moving.

Day Five: Change Is....Good?

People are who they are. You can try and change them but, in your attempts at doing so, ask yourself this: would you be open to someone trying to change you?

You hear a lot of chatter, particularly in relationships, about a person who seems unwilling to compromise. He or she just isn't willing to bend long enough to understand "my perspective", "my needs", or "my point of view". The belief behind that is simple: if they do things my way, things would be much better between us.

Understand something, most people aren't willing to be changed by any one person. They feel good about who they are and what they've done and, honestly, if their philosophy on life and dealing with people has, successfully, gotten them this far, why should they feel that doing things your way will be any better?

The important thing to do when you recognize an incompatibility, is to see just how much of an issue it truly is in your relationship. Is it a deal-breaker? Does it truly change the dynamic of your communication approach so much that you find yourself unhappy? Is it something you simply cannot live with?

If the answer to any of those questions is a solid yes, perhaps the only change you should be making is in the person you've chosen to spend your life with.

Nobody is perfect, so the best decision you can make for yourself where relationships are concerned is to not allow your time to be wasted by any one who isn't on the same page as you because, no matter what your circumstance, we are all worthy of a life more divine than the one we'll just settle for.