VIDEO: 15-Minutes to Sexy, Sculpted Arms? Ummm, Yes, Please.

I don't know about you but one of my favorite body parts to work on are the arms. There's just something so very sexy about a woman who can carry a tank or sleeveless well—the "no jiggle" woman is what my cousin calls her—but it takes a lot of hard work to sculpt the guns and I do commit a fair share of each routine I do to getting mine tippy-top.

That said, I'm not always able to devote my usual 30-45 minutes to the betterment of the guns; a mommy who is always on the go has to sometimes just fit in a quickie, so workouts like the one in the video below are right up my alley.

It likely won't challenge those who are truly into the lifting game, but that doesn't mean it can't be catered to your capabilities. All you need is 15-minutes to give your arms the jolt they need...and surely you can find that in your day.

I'm Almost There...

The hardest thing I ever did was to allow myself to feel beautiful. No, I'm not kidding.

Believe it or not, at least for me, it used to be difficult to look in the mirror on a daily basis and tell myself that I was every bit as gorgeous as the woman on the cover of the magazine, the starlet playing opposite her leading man, or the young lady at the local grocery store who's every bit as elegant as Audrey Hepburn.

But here's the thing I finally realized about physical beauty—and trust me it's a simple concept for me  to have glossed over—it's not in the eye of the beholder, nor is it defined by what society wants you to think it is (i.e. those women on the cover of Elle or Vanity Fair), but it is in fact a characteristic with absolutely no definition.

It was after the above epiphany that I began to understand that my personal quest to be beautiful will not be something I find in any mirror, but rather something I have spent far too much time concerning myself with because, in the end, it's irrelevant.

My face, my body, etc. are filled with little imperfections that I can't Photoshop or crop out, but those imperfections are unique to me. So I can either a) live with them and accentuate the parts that actually matter or b) allow my need to nitpick at said imperfections to lead me away from cultivating the parts of me that will be the most beneficial in the long run.

For the record, I chose to focus on the latter.

And even though I confess fully that my obsession with being fit caters a bit to that remaining vanity, I am okay with that because it also emphasizes to my daughter and son just how important it is to keep your body the temple God made it to be. 

In the end, I know that this is me...on my best day:

And I'm okay with that.

Judging eyes be damned.

Starting With The Woman In The Mirror

There was a time when I "hated on" the pretty girls. I freely admit this fact because I'm old enough now to see how unnecessary and unproductive that emotion was for me.

Some of you may know, if you've read this site before, that I grew up in a single-parent home where my mother often worked two, sometimes three, jobs to make ends meet. And though she made sure I never wanted for anything, I always looked at the other more privileged girls in high school and college and felt like I could never compete with their beauty or sense of style.

As a result of that insecurity, the early seeds of my need to exercise were planted because I figured what I lacked in beauty, I could make up for in body, and that would allow me to "compete" with those girls a bit more.

Don't even ask what stilted level of logic it took for me to believe that nonsense because even as I typed it I was shaking my head.

Nowadays, though, when I see beautifully fit women—especially those in the non-airbrushed real world—who have managed to remain absolutely stunning through marriage, pregnancy, stress, etc., I applaud them because I know how much hard work it requires to remain true to any sort of regimen when life is throwing so many responsibilities your way.

And while I still compare myself to other women, I can't lie,—I mean it's the nature of the beast to look at another gorgeous woman and say 'wow, I still have work to do',—my reaction to them is less about an insecurity than it is an acknowledgement that there is always another level for me to meet.

In short, I don't bother with the catty, sneering, unnecessary behavior that so many others often feel the need to convey by chopping down other women and accusing them of "thinking they're all that". It's unproductive and would only serve as interference to my personal fitness goals.

We are all uniquely striving for something more than the mirror reflects and if we're doing it the right way, there won't be a need to wonder what everyone else is thinking because that won't matter. If nothing else, stick to you plan and keeping doing you. And let the progress you make be a form of motivation for that woman who's likely watching you and wondering where her next level might be because, trust me, there will always be someone watching.

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The Undefined Woman

I don't know about you, but my daily list of things to do does not include trips to the spa, a personal trainer, or my local nail salon—not that there's anything wrong with any of that—I'm a simple woman.

I love wearing a comfortable pair of jeans/slacks, a nice top, and a great smile. That's how I make my mark on the world—physically—everyday.

I've never bothered with make-up much, don't care much for heels, and probably know more about football than fashion, but  that's the me I'm happy to be.

The me who has stopped being overly concerned with any suggestion that I'm not "feminine" enough simply because I don't fit into a certain idea of what a woman is "supposed" to be. 

Let me tell you this, despite what you've been told, being a woman has nothing to do with the clothes you wear, the bag you carry, or the face you put on in the morning. Those are merely the things that please the eyes of those around you and make you feel good about yourself when you step out your front door every day.

None of those things mean a hill of beans where peace of mind, heart and spirit are concerned.

You should be able to remove all of the material comforts that people associate with you, and still know who you are, what makes you tick, and what you stand for.

Any woman can buy a pretty piece of clothing and wear the devil out of it, but not many have the courage to say 'this is me, love me or hate me, but this is me' once stripped bare of all the glitz—can you?

When you wake up in the morning you are already beautiful, tussled hair and all. All the stuff that accompanies you out your front door—the bag, the make-up, the shoes—are just the cherries on top of an already perfectly iced cake.

Don't ever forget that.

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Charity Spotlight: FashionABLE Looks To Make A Stylish Difference

fashionABLE is a non-profit organization focused on helping Ethiopian women rebuild their lives through offering them the opportunity to maintain a sustainable business creating beautiful scarves. The scarves are handmade and available for purchase now through the fashionABLE website.

Below is a video giving more insight into the mission of fashionABLE, and you can click here to both see the scarves as well as read more about the women their cause is helping.

You Can't Be Everything to Everybody—Stop Trying

I obsess a lot—what can I say?

My mind is never quiet long enough to actually enjoy the moment I'm in because it's always moving ahead to the next moment—trust me when I tell you it's the most frustrating aspect of being me. It's also hard to control without some serious effort on my part.

I've relied on both yoga and meditation in many situations, but my spiritual beliefs have guided me the rest of the way and, together, all have allowed me to be more aware of my connection to what's actually happening in front of me—keeping me grounded and focused on what's really important. 

However, in being such an emotion-hopper (yes, that's a made-up word), I have learned a very valuable lesson about the tendency of individuals to be continually absent within the present. You see, as it turns out, this issue isn't unique to me. We all do it.

We all find ourselves scattered into a million different thoughts, trying to figure out how to do it all. It's born of an inner desire to be both perfect and successful—we're afraid to screw up.

So, we overload, over commit, and overdo everything we can to make us feel that we are being productive and useful to those around us. This can especially be the case with mothers.

We put on our capes and strap on that 'S' and say "Superwoman. Yes, I am".


The only problem with that is, in reality, being a superwoman—or man for that matter—isn't a job meant to be done on a daily basis. And, if you do it long enough, you can become a Superdud everywhere else in your life.


Each of us has to find a way to limit the distractions and expectations we place upon ourselves so that we can begin to make room for the everyday things that actually require our attention: our significant others, children, loved ones, etc.

Those are the things that enrich us, and those are the things that will make the living of this life better.

New Year's Dissolution: Make 2011 The Year You Break The Bad

The problem with making resolutions, as so many of us do this time of year, is we almost never keep them. Sure, we start with great intentions and a lot of steam but, by March or April, we're done being focused—we are no longer able to sustain our enthusiasm for meeting those preset goals.

Some might call that an issue of commitment, but I call it an issue of life.

Failed resolutions are less about an inability to remain true to yourself than they are about an incapability to add more to a plate that's already full. If you're stretched thin already, how on earth will you find the time to meet the demands of joining a gym or finding a mate?

If your goal is to become debt free, how will you do that if you don't see a raise or any additional income in your immediate future.

You're planning to get a better job? Great, but who's hiring?

Life is just as much an obstacle to progress, as progress is an enhancer to life.

So, instead of making resolutions that can make you feel awful if they're not completed, start making goals with dissolution in mind. Here are just a few suggestions to get you started:

1. Release yourself from one outside commitment. 

Many of us obligate ourselves too much. Take stock of the things that enrich you and make them your focus—half of yourself given to 100 things is not better than all of you given to 10.

2. Learn to say 'NO'. 

'No' is not a bad word. Start changing the negative connotation behind it into what it truly means—in some instances—an opportunity to Nourish One's self. Take that time to reconnect with your inner spirit and you'll feel and be better for it.

3. Let go of the bad. 

Whether it's an old coat, a lingering thought, or a dying relationship, start the process of letting it go.

Remove the anger, the pain, and the resentment from your life so that you have more room for the happiness, the joy, and the forgiveness that your heart and soul crave.

4. Write a letter to yourself. 

Each of us is guilty of being too critical in our self-assessment. We belittle our efforts, eschew our talents, and pretend that we aren't worthy of better.

That said, write a letter to yourself. Make it a bold, scathing, and vitriolic indictment to the person you feel you are—then set it on fire.
 
5. Stop feeling guilty for being selfish. 

Selfishness is a necessity. There is no growth without attention to one's self. You have to become both knowledgeable and focused on making you into a better person, and that cannot be done if you spend a majority of your time beating yourself up for being a little indulgent. 

6. Devote 15 minutes a day to doing nothing. 

15 minutes may seem like a small amount but, for some, finding that 15 minutes is a challenge.

Outside of restroom breaks or sleep, we are constantly in motion or thought, and 15 minutes of nothing is just as much about being mentally still as it is about being physically still.

Find your center and take those minutes to just 'be'.
 
Conclusion:

Dissolution is about undoing bad habits and, without undoing some of the bad ones, you can never be resolute in introducing the good ones. The journey towards resolve starts with dissolving the negative parts of your life so that you can become whole again.

Start there and let the rest of your journey unfold as it may.

Day Ten: Sometimes Life Can Be Tough...

People love to wonder why "bad things happen to good people"...well, in truth, they happen to bad people too—we just don't care as much. Life isn't easy for any of us, but for those who have faith, it's a lot easier to take the good with the bad.

The amazing thing about life is how often so many of us take the little things for granted because we are too busy complaining about the big things. Of course that's only natural, no one likes to have his/her progress impeded by obstacles. So, we rail against those intrusions with our fists clenched tight and our voices screaming loudly to no one in particular: "WHY ME?!? WHY ME?"

Well, why not you? Who are you, specifically, to be immune to disaster? Last check there were only two mortals in the last 50-years who could profess to be even the slightest bit unnerved by life's injustice—one was named Ghandi and the other was named Mother Teresa—neither showed a penchant for complaining much.

The truth is, you aren't immune to anything. Life is going to take its best shot at you because that's what it's supposed to do. So, the real question you need to be asking instead of "why me?" is "what am I going to do about it?"

Day Ten: Know Your Dreams...

Do you know what you want out of life? If you don't, it's foolish to expect anyone else to be able to figure it out for you. Know yourself before you decide to become one with another—that can make all the difference.

Too many men and women are running around looking for a partner to define them. They don't feel complete without someone standing by their side telling them how important they are because they are loved.

Well, contrary to what you might have been told, you cannot count on another person to make you feel whole. It's far better to figure out who you are, for yourself, using your own devices, before you place your psyche into the control of another.

See, the trouble with losing yourself into a person is that if that person leaves, you won't know where to find what you have lost. How will you decipher the real you from the one who was attached to the label of girl or boyfriend? Do you know who you are minus your mate?

The question is the same where friendships are concerned. Don't attach your identity to the clique you claim or the social group you represent. You have to know who you are before you enter into a relationship, of any kind, with anybody. If you don't, you aren't doing yourself or those who wish to claim you, any favors.

Spend some time, alone, finding out exactly who you are now and who you want to be—get secure in that—and then take the steps to find the people who most compliment those ideals.

Day Eight: Don't Debate With Idiots...

There's nothing wrong with having an intelligent debate with anyone, just make sure you bring your intelligence with you—ignorance isn't always blissful.

The ignorant love to argue.

They don't do it because they have anything relevant to say but, rather, because they want to feel relevant. Don't give them the satisfaction of, unnecessarily raising your ire. It's not worth it, for one, and it usually won't get you anywhere—for two.

The best thing to do when you're faced with a "debate" with a person who has left his/her intelligence at the door, is to keep walking. However, if you, just for kicks, want to engage in a conversation with a person who has offered an ignorant perspective to an otherwise intelligent round of chit-chat, then check your motivations. Do you, 1) only hope to educate them or 2) feel a need to strut your superior knowledge on a particular topic?

If the answer is number one, then good for you and bless your efforts. No change was ever made without first taking a step into the fire. However, if your motive centers around number two, then it's possible you might be just as ignorant as they are—so check yourself first—no one likes an arrogant S.O.B.

Day Seven: You Are What You Are...

never waste time trying to explain who you are to anyone. This is you now. This is you then, and in the future. Take it or leave it, but this is you.

It's amazing that people actually expect you to explain who you are to them...as if it's something you owe them—an explanation of you. Listen, you don't owe anyone an explanation for being who you are. You are a collection of experiences, emotions, relationships, time, and existence.

You are who you are because you've been blessed to breathe—period.

This life is short. Too short to start feeling as if the person you are or are becoming needs to justify itself.

Be who you are...without apologies—and no explanations. Tell everyone else to respect that or keep it moving.

Day Five: Change Is....Good?

People are who they are. You can try and change them but, in your attempts at doing so, ask yourself this: would you be open to someone trying to change you?

You hear a lot of chatter, particularly in relationships, about a person who seems unwilling to compromise. He or she just isn't willing to bend long enough to understand "my perspective", "my needs", or "my point of view". The belief behind that is simple: if they do things my way, things would be much better between us.

Understand something, most people aren't willing to be changed by any one person. They feel good about who they are and what they've done and, honestly, if their philosophy on life and dealing with people has, successfully, gotten them this far, why should they feel that doing things your way will be any better?

The important thing to do when you recognize an incompatibility, is to see just how much of an issue it truly is in your relationship. Is it a deal-breaker? Does it truly change the dynamic of your communication approach so much that you find yourself unhappy? Is it something you simply cannot live with?

If the answer to any of those questions is a solid yes, perhaps the only change you should be making is in the person you've chosen to spend your life with.

Nobody is perfect, so the best decision you can make for yourself where relationships are concerned is to not allow your time to be wasted by any one who isn't on the same page as you because, no matter what your circumstance, we are all worthy of a life more divine than the one we'll just settle for.