Day 12: Staying Motivated...

It's a tough thing to do. No matter what your goal, exercising, eating right, finishing a project, reading a book, etc., it's tough to keep your mind settled and focused long enough to maintain the level of progress that you feel is necessary to say you are a success.

Some will say the trick is to set small goals each day and concentrate on meeting that one goal—that way you aren't overwhelmed by the enormity of it all.

The problem with that is, some of us are so intertwined in the day-to-day task of just being ourselves (as parents, as caretakers, as employees, etc.) that we fall short of even the small goals we endeavor to set. When that happens, we feel even more discouraged, making it easier to give up and abandon the idea of success altogether.

In my humble opinion, the trick isn't in setting a small goal that you can meet, but in remembering that if you don't meet your goal for that day, tomorrow presents a new opportunity for doing so.

Don't beat yourself up over what you haven't done, take pride in what you do manage to accomplish and give it another go tomorrow.

Does this work in all situations, of course not, but the idea is to keep your mind settled on remaining positive and recognizing your progress (no matter how big or small it turns out to be)—the rest will fall into place as your life makes room for it.

Day Ten: Sometimes Life Can Be Tough...

People love to wonder why "bad things happen to good people"...well, in truth, they happen to bad people too—we just don't care as much. Life isn't easy for any of us, but for those who have faith, it's a lot easier to take the good with the bad.

The amazing thing about life is how often so many of us take the little things for granted because we are too busy complaining about the big things. Of course that's only natural, no one likes to have his/her progress impeded by obstacles. So, we rail against those intrusions with our fists clenched tight and our voices screaming loudly to no one in particular: "WHY ME?!? WHY ME?"

Well, why not you? Who are you, specifically, to be immune to disaster? Last check there were only two mortals in the last 50-years who could profess to be even the slightest bit unnerved by life's injustice—one was named Ghandi and the other was named Mother Teresa—neither showed a penchant for complaining much.

The truth is, you aren't immune to anything. Life is going to take its best shot at you because that's what it's supposed to do. So, the real question you need to be asking instead of "why me?" is "what am I going to do about it?"

Day Ten: Know Your Dreams...

Do you know what you want out of life? If you don't, it's foolish to expect anyone else to be able to figure it out for you. Know yourself before you decide to become one with another—that can make all the difference.

Too many men and women are running around looking for a partner to define them. They don't feel complete without someone standing by their side telling them how important they are because they are loved.

Well, contrary to what you might have been told, you cannot count on another person to make you feel whole. It's far better to figure out who you are, for yourself, using your own devices, before you place your psyche into the control of another.

See, the trouble with losing yourself into a person is that if that person leaves, you won't know where to find what you have lost. How will you decipher the real you from the one who was attached to the label of girl or boyfriend? Do you know who you are minus your mate?

The question is the same where friendships are concerned. Don't attach your identity to the clique you claim or the social group you represent. You have to know who you are before you enter into a relationship, of any kind, with anybody. If you don't, you aren't doing yourself or those who wish to claim you, any favors.

Spend some time, alone, finding out exactly who you are now and who you want to be—get secure in that—and then take the steps to find the people who most compliment those ideals.

Day Nine: Reality TV Is Ruining The World...

It's amazing how much "reality television" is on tv these days. No need to bother being talented anymore, just be a complete moron, or a total huzzy, and we'll (society) make you a star!

Whenever a promo for The Jersey Shore comes on, there is an immediate reaction—complete and utter disgust.

The "entertainment" industry has played a huge role in dumbing down our need for quality television. Who needs a script or good, quality acting anymore, just be the biggest slut or the most obnoxious ass you can be and you'll get your fifteen-minutes soon enough.

Even still, it's tough to, completely, blame the film or television industry for the lack of quality coming into our cineplexes and living rooms because you can't market what isn't in demand.

However, at some point, why not offer something for those of us who aren't entertained by a bunch of untrained idiots parading as superstars? Offer a television program that has a script—as odd as that sounds—and actors who want to be taken seriously? That would be a lovely change of pace.

A much better alternative than this garbage:



...quality television at its best.

Related articles

• Video: Is TV Ruining Our Children? (time.com)

Day Eight: Don't Debate With Idiots...

There's nothing wrong with having an intelligent debate with anyone, just make sure you bring your intelligence with you—ignorance isn't always blissful.

The ignorant love to argue.

They don't do it because they have anything relevant to say but, rather, because they want to feel relevant. Don't give them the satisfaction of, unnecessarily raising your ire. It's not worth it, for one, and it usually won't get you anywhere—for two.

The best thing to do when you're faced with a "debate" with a person who has left his/her intelligence at the door, is to keep walking. However, if you, just for kicks, want to engage in a conversation with a person who has offered an ignorant perspective to an otherwise intelligent round of chit-chat, then check your motivations. Do you, 1) only hope to educate them or 2) feel a need to strut your superior knowledge on a particular topic?

If the answer is number one, then good for you and bless your efforts. No change was ever made without first taking a step into the fire. However, if your motive centers around number two, then it's possible you might be just as ignorant as they are—so check yourself first—no one likes an arrogant S.O.B.

Day Seven: You Are What You Are...

never waste time trying to explain who you are to anyone. This is you now. This is you then, and in the future. Take it or leave it, but this is you.

It's amazing that people actually expect you to explain who you are to them...as if it's something you owe them—an explanation of you. Listen, you don't owe anyone an explanation for being who you are. You are a collection of experiences, emotions, relationships, time, and existence.

You are who you are because you've been blessed to breathe—period.

This life is short. Too short to start feeling as if the person you are or are becoming needs to justify itself.

Be who you are...without apologies—and no explanations. Tell everyone else to respect that or keep it moving.

Day Six: Money Isn't Everything...

At some point, your life will become less about what's pricey, than it is about what's priceless. Be sure to save the best parts of you for the moment when that happens.

People are far too obsessed with labels these days. It's all about whose name your wearing: If it's not (insert latest designer name here), then it's garbage. Or, if you're still wearing shoes by so and so, then you need to get caught up.

Well, my philosophy has always been, if it feels good, looks good, and the price is right, then I'm all over it—but I realize I'm in the minority. The point is, trends change. What was hot a year ago is not likely as hot now and chasing after what's "in" is bound to drive you crazy at some point.

You have to begin to understand the part of you that isn't obsessed or concerned about the materials you possess. You have to become cognizant that, in order to grow, you have to be deeper than the surface.

Why?

Well, believe it or not, at some point material things will play a secondary role in your life.  You'll want more for yourself than just a nod of approval from your "crew". You'll want to know that you are respected—no matter who you're wearing—because you are a person of quality and dignity.

Am I saying that there's something evil or wrong with wearing designer clothing? Absolutely not. But, when you take those labels and make them a criteria for judging the worth of yourself or others, then that's a problem.

It may sound cheesy but, in the long term, what do you want people to say about you when you're gone: that you were a great dresser or you were a great person?

Think about it.

Day Five: Change Is....Good?

People are who they are. You can try and change them but, in your attempts at doing so, ask yourself this: would you be open to someone trying to change you?

You hear a lot of chatter, particularly in relationships, about a person who seems unwilling to compromise. He or she just isn't willing to bend long enough to understand "my perspective", "my needs", or "my point of view". The belief behind that is simple: if they do things my way, things would be much better between us.

Understand something, most people aren't willing to be changed by any one person. They feel good about who they are and what they've done and, honestly, if their philosophy on life and dealing with people has, successfully, gotten them this far, why should they feel that doing things your way will be any better?

The important thing to do when you recognize an incompatibility, is to see just how much of an issue it truly is in your relationship. Is it a deal-breaker? Does it truly change the dynamic of your communication approach so much that you find yourself unhappy? Is it something you simply cannot live with?

If the answer to any of those questions is a solid yes, perhaps the only change you should be making is in the person you've chosen to spend your life with.

Nobody is perfect, so the best decision you can make for yourself where relationships are concerned is to not allow your time to be wasted by any one who isn't on the same page as you because, no matter what your circumstance, we are all worthy of a life more divine than the one we'll just settle for.

Day Four: Free Thinking Individual…

Your mind is Your own. You can think what You like, have an opinion on whatever You want, and know that there is very little that any one can do about it.

The beauty of living in a free country is you don't have to apologize for being an individual. So long as your beliefs don't infringe upon another's right to live, you can pretty well do and say as you please. So, why do people feel a need to follow the "herd mentality"?

You see, it's one thing to research and take on an issue because it genuinely moves you, but it's quite another to take something on because some television host told you it was important.

Chances are, if it wasn't that important to you before, it won't remain so for very long after, therefore you've wasted the personal efforts of yourself and the time of those truly devoted on an endeavor you didn't care that much about in the first place.

Be your own person.

Discover the things in this world that mean something to you—even if they seem ridiculous—and give those things your all. But, by all means, do it because YOU want to, not because someone else said you should.

Day Three: Friendships Shouldn't Be Built On Lies...

You Weren't put on this earth to be a 'yes man'. If youHave to be that in order to remain A person's friend, keep walking, life is too short to spend it kissing someone's backside.

A true friend isn't going to be critical of you for having an opinion. There are always situations where your silence or tact are necessary, but you should never be okay with compromising your beliefs for the sake of pleasing another.

The true definition of friendship lay in the ability of two people to be honest with one another, no matter what the circumstance, and to, within that honesty, find comfort in the knowledge that it comes from a place of respect and love. If that can't happen, the friendship is doomed to fail because neither of you is "keeping it real".

Leave the phoniness at the door where your long-term relationships are concerned. No one needs a union based on BS.

Day Two: Whose Life Are YOU Living?

You can either let others live for you or you can live your own life. Take a stand, be proud of who you are, and remember that you are your own legacy—leave something behind that you can be proud of.

It's a simple concept, really, most of us have no idea how to live our own life. We are all constantly influenced by the environment around us: people, places, commercials, television, movies, friends, colleagues, etc. There is, literally, no way of understanding where the "I" begins because it is so intertwined in the "we" of society.

So, how does one detach from the madness long enough to gain an understanding of who they actually are—minus the bull? Well, there are no hard-line answers to that question, but there is a methodology to it all that can make that act a lot easier:

1. Make a list of everything you think defines you.


2. Mark off all the items that relate to your profession, your material  possessions, and your education.


3. Now, look at that list...what's left?

If the answer is "nothing", you have a lot of work to do. However, if what you see in front of you is a list filled with possibilities, something you—the person—can build on, start from there.

The point is, no one is looking for you to lead a perfect life and, the pursuit of said perfection will never grant you the happiness that you're looking for. Stop wasting time looking for that elusive and fantasy-born ideology of a "happily ever after"—it's not there.

Start living the life that makes YOU happy and let that life make this world a better place to be present in—for you, for others, and for the legacy you haven't created yet.

Day One: Selfishness Is Sometimes Necessary

It's impossible to please everybody, so stop trying. Keep it simple, concentrate on you, and tell everyone else to take a number.

There's nothing wrong with being a little selfish.

Sometimes, in our desperate attempts to be kind, empathic, sympathetic, and productive, we forget that we are human first. We all need to be taken care of—even those of us who might not realize it. It's important to remember to take time for yourself—you are not obligated to set aside your needs for that of others. By doing so, you only serve to short-change yourself and them because you cannot fully commit yourself to one person, one project, or one act if you are spreading yourself thin.

Be the conduit through which all good things can flow, as opposed to the clog where all bad things build—eventually, sullying the good around you.

Even more, don't feel guilty for taking time to enhance you because, while no one should expect you to be perfect, there's nothing wrong with striving towards some semblance of excellence.