Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained

As we get older, we start to over-analyze the choices we've made. Perhaps we feel that one decision, here or there, would have altered the trajectory of our life for the better. Or, maybe we are just feeling sorry for ourselves because the life of this or that person turned out better than our own—jealousy can prompt self-reflection very quickly.

Well, here's what you have to do in those moments: stop being so hard on yourself. You cannot change the past and the only thing dwelling on it will do is make the steps you try to make in the future that much harder to take.

This path you are on is the one you are supposed to be on—even if it seems like a rather difficult one at present—and when you reach the end of your journey, you can expect one of two things to happen: you will either 1) feel grateful for the experience and reposition your life based on what you've come to learn, or you'll 2) let self-doubt and self-pity take over, learn nothing, and remain stuck right where you are.

The roads we travel have many directions, it's up to you to choose the right one.

Everything Comes To The Light

It's impossible to live a lie for very long. At some point you have to address the issues around you for what they are and try to bring the truth into focus. It won't matter that beneath the surface there lies a mountain of pain or that neither you, nor the involved party—assuming there is one—are ready to accept the truth. The ultimate goal, for you, will be to find peace.

Peace of mind, peace in heart, and peace for the soul you've neglected for so long by living in a way that's untrue to what you believe is the best version of yourself.

The trouble with love and relationships is that so many of us feel the need to give away the most important parts of what makes us who we are, so that we can co-exist with another. While compromise is always necessary where love (and to some extent friendship) is concerned, sacrifice should not be— there is a difference between the two.

However, when companionship is wanted, needed, we do what we feel we must to make it happen—we go outside of our character. We make changes because we feel it's better to be broken than alone. But, ask yourself this: is it worse to be alone with your self-respect and dignity, or broken but with someone?

A person that loves you, cares for you, and wants what's best for you, WILL NOT let you compromise who you are to be with them—they will love you for and, sometimes, in spite of those things, and you will work together to find a place for those parts within your relationship. You won't have to choose—and you shouldn't.

Despite what people tell you, two halves  don't make a relationship whole—you should be able to bring all of yourself to the table when you make the decision to turn over your heart. If that's not possible, step away—no matter how much it hurts.

Day Ten: Sometimes Life Can Be Tough...

People love to wonder why "bad things happen to good people"...well, in truth, they happen to bad people too—we just don't care as much. Life isn't easy for any of us, but for those who have faith, it's a lot easier to take the good with the bad.

The amazing thing about life is how often so many of us take the little things for granted because we are too busy complaining about the big things. Of course that's only natural, no one likes to have his/her progress impeded by obstacles. So, we rail against those intrusions with our fists clenched tight and our voices screaming loudly to no one in particular: "WHY ME?!? WHY ME?"

Well, why not you? Who are you, specifically, to be immune to disaster? Last check there were only two mortals in the last 50-years who could profess to be even the slightest bit unnerved by life's injustice—one was named Ghandi and the other was named Mother Teresa—neither showed a penchant for complaining much.

The truth is, you aren't immune to anything. Life is going to take its best shot at you because that's what it's supposed to do. So, the real question you need to be asking instead of "why me?" is "what am I going to do about it?"

Day Ten: Know Your Dreams...

Do you know what you want out of life? If you don't, it's foolish to expect anyone else to be able to figure it out for you. Know yourself before you decide to become one with another—that can make all the difference.

Too many men and women are running around looking for a partner to define them. They don't feel complete without someone standing by their side telling them how important they are because they are loved.

Well, contrary to what you might have been told, you cannot count on another person to make you feel whole. It's far better to figure out who you are, for yourself, using your own devices, before you place your psyche into the control of another.

See, the trouble with losing yourself into a person is that if that person leaves, you won't know where to find what you have lost. How will you decipher the real you from the one who was attached to the label of girl or boyfriend? Do you know who you are minus your mate?

The question is the same where friendships are concerned. Don't attach your identity to the clique you claim or the social group you represent. You have to know who you are before you enter into a relationship, of any kind, with anybody. If you don't, you aren't doing yourself or those who wish to claim you, any favors.

Spend some time, alone, finding out exactly who you are now and who you want to be—get secure in that—and then take the steps to find the people who most compliment those ideals.

Day Eight: Don't Debate With Idiots...

There's nothing wrong with having an intelligent debate with anyone, just make sure you bring your intelligence with you—ignorance isn't always blissful.

The ignorant love to argue.

They don't do it because they have anything relevant to say but, rather, because they want to feel relevant. Don't give them the satisfaction of, unnecessarily raising your ire. It's not worth it, for one, and it usually won't get you anywhere—for two.

The best thing to do when you're faced with a "debate" with a person who has left his/her intelligence at the door, is to keep walking. However, if you, just for kicks, want to engage in a conversation with a person who has offered an ignorant perspective to an otherwise intelligent round of chit-chat, then check your motivations. Do you, 1) only hope to educate them or 2) feel a need to strut your superior knowledge on a particular topic?

If the answer is number one, then good for you and bless your efforts. No change was ever made without first taking a step into the fire. However, if your motive centers around number two, then it's possible you might be just as ignorant as they are—so check yourself first—no one likes an arrogant S.O.B.

Day One: Selfishness Is Sometimes Necessary

It's impossible to please everybody, so stop trying. Keep it simple, concentrate on you, and tell everyone else to take a number.

There's nothing wrong with being a little selfish.

Sometimes, in our desperate attempts to be kind, empathic, sympathetic, and productive, we forget that we are human first. We all need to be taken care of—even those of us who might not realize it. It's important to remember to take time for yourself—you are not obligated to set aside your needs for that of others. By doing so, you only serve to short-change yourself and them because you cannot fully commit yourself to one person, one project, or one act if you are spreading yourself thin.

Be the conduit through which all good things can flow, as opposed to the clog where all bad things build—eventually, sullying the good around you.

Even more, don't feel guilty for taking time to enhance you because, while no one should expect you to be perfect, there's nothing wrong with striving towards some semblance of excellence.