Don't Linger In Negativity

I have bad days—days where I feel worthless, unfit to be a mother/wife, and completely dismayed that the path I've set myself on is one that will lead me straight into the bowels of hell—I am not unlike anyone in that regard, as we all have days where we question our purpose.

However, once I pull myself out of that pit of despair and self-loathing, I remember I am a good person, with a good heart, and I try to view such moments of negative thinking as personal challenges to my resolve as opposed to signs that things are about to get worse.

Even so, many of us have a problem doing the latter and we interpret these moments not as challenges, but as chores, and in so doing greet the roadblocks placed in our way by such momentary losses of confidence with disdain—they're just "one more thing" thrown on top of an already crappy day.

I empathize with those of you who feel that way—I used to feel much the same—but after marriage and children, I no longer feel I have the luxury of lingering in negativity for too long because it leads to a lack of productivity and I have too many responsibilities to be unproductive. 

So, what I try to do each day is reaffirm my strengths. I remind myself that I can handle anything and if I can't handle it right then, I try to move beyond it—save it for meditation and reflection at a later time if necessary—but my ultimate goal is not to emotionally linger inside that negativity.

Now, I know what you're saying, that approach doesn't always work in a job situation. Sometimes you're assigned a task that spells misery from the start and will be miserable until you get the job done. I understand that, but notice I said "don't emotionally linger"?

There is a difference.

Even the work day ends at some point, right? So, the question you have to answer is do you leave the misery at its source or do you carry it home with you?

If the answer is the latter, then there is your problem. You cannot be effective at home, with friends, in relationships, or anywhere else if you never detach from the negativity and frustrations that often play a major hand in laying the foundation for the self-loathing I spoke of at the start.

All of us are going to be faced with moments where we feel poorly, inside and out, but the choice to keep and carry those things around versus letting them go belongs to you as an individual and you should never place that power in the hands of another. 

Be cognizant of what you internalize so that you can refocus your energy on enhancing the things that fill you with a greater sense of purpose and joy as opposed to holding onto the things that are suffocating you and making your life, as well as those around you, less rewarding.

Stay Committed, Stay True, Stay Toned

I fall and fail as much as I get up and succeed. This is my truth and it applies to everything in my life—including my workouts. I often ask myself on any given day, particularly on the days where the biggest challenge can be just getting out of bed, "what is my motivation?". It's a fair enough question, wouldn't you say?

Each of us whether we realize it or not, begins our journey towards a better body or sense of self for a reason: to get into that pair of skinny jeans, to look good for an upcoming social event, or because we are tired of looking in the mirror and not loving the body we see. In all of those cases, there is something external to motivate us. We have something material we can look at and work towards to keep us on the right track.

But, what happens when that thing no longer exists? Where do you find the internal motivation once you reach your goal?

As easy as you consider the answer to this question to be, please understand that it is much harder than you think. We all to some extent become satisfied enough with our progress to start making allowances for our actions.

It may start with an act as simple as eating a slice of pie or skipping a workout. Before you know it you're justifying eating out and cutting back on your cardio because "one day won't hurt me"—believe me, I've been there, and it's a miserable feeling to wallow in the guilt you feel when your "one day" turns into one week, one month, and so on.

You have to commit everyday to being the person who is dedicated to keeping his/her workout regimen in tact. If you don't, you run the risk of seeing all your hard work go down the drain.

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There's A Difference Between "Keeping It Real" and Being Real

Most of us don't know who we truly are and we often have trouble separating our true self from the   facade we show to the world.

Of course many of us don't acknowledge the fact that we wear a mask on a daily basis. We just like to assume that we are "keeping it real"—it's everyone else that's being phony.

Well, here's a perfect test for those of you who subscribe to the latter point: think of a topic that interests you. Ponder the ins and outs of that topic for as long you deem necessary to espouse an intelligent opinion. Once you've done so, ask yourself what part of that opinion is based on your own knowledge, and what part of it is based on the knowledge you've absorbed from the sources around you. 

If you find that most of what you believe is built on an article you read, a talk show you heard, or a speaker you've listened to, then you aren't as "real" as you might think.

The natural response to this is to say we are all going to be guilty of doing that. After all, most of us are just a conglomeration of our experiences and social interactions. It's impossible not to be influenced or shaped by external factors in our environment. 

That's true, and in no way do I expect that this world will house a human being who hasn't been touched or influenced by something he/she read, did, or experienced. That's the way we become who we are—through experiencing this life as an observer.

However, you have to begin investigating and researching matters on your own, as well. You have to start realizing that regurgitating the philosophies of another doesn't make you sound intelligent, it makes you look misinformed.

In as much as you are an observer, you should also be an experimenter. Your belief system should be a result of what YOU know for sure and not what you've heard from the majority. Walk your own path, formulate your own opinions, and become your own person.

There are enough people out there "keeping it real", strive to be a part of the group that's just being real.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sometimes You Need A Little "Me Time"...

Most of us feel selfish when we realize we need time for self—especially when you have kids—it's as if we all decided that becoming a responsible adult meant the end of all activities geared towards personal enjoyment. There was to be no more fun...ever.

Well, forgive me for saying so, but, that's a load of crap!

Being a mother, father, sister, brother, cousin, friend, daughter, or son in no way obligates you to remain tethered to playing whatever role you feel you're expected to play. You are entitled to take that fishing/hunting trip, go see that movie you've been wanting to see, or make that jaunt to the local mall to catch up on your window-shopping.

You are every bit as important as those you give your time to, and if you don't recharge, you will regress into the solemn, sad, and stressed out state that lends to depression, anger, and resentment.

You owe it to yourself to be mindful of your needs—even if that means being selfish—and whenever the guilt creeps in, just remind yourself that even God rested on day seven.

Day Ten: Sometimes Life Can Be Tough...

People love to wonder why "bad things happen to good people"...well, in truth, they happen to bad people too—we just don't care as much. Life isn't easy for any of us, but for those who have faith, it's a lot easier to take the good with the bad.

The amazing thing about life is how often so many of us take the little things for granted because we are too busy complaining about the big things. Of course that's only natural, no one likes to have his/her progress impeded by obstacles. So, we rail against those intrusions with our fists clenched tight and our voices screaming loudly to no one in particular: "WHY ME?!? WHY ME?"

Well, why not you? Who are you, specifically, to be immune to disaster? Last check there were only two mortals in the last 50-years who could profess to be even the slightest bit unnerved by life's injustice—one was named Ghandi and the other was named Mother Teresa—neither showed a penchant for complaining much.

The truth is, you aren't immune to anything. Life is going to take its best shot at you because that's what it's supposed to do. So, the real question you need to be asking instead of "why me?" is "what am I going to do about it?"

Day Ten: Know Your Dreams...

Do you know what you want out of life? If you don't, it's foolish to expect anyone else to be able to figure it out for you. Know yourself before you decide to become one with another—that can make all the difference.

Too many men and women are running around looking for a partner to define them. They don't feel complete without someone standing by their side telling them how important they are because they are loved.

Well, contrary to what you might have been told, you cannot count on another person to make you feel whole. It's far better to figure out who you are, for yourself, using your own devices, before you place your psyche into the control of another.

See, the trouble with losing yourself into a person is that if that person leaves, you won't know where to find what you have lost. How will you decipher the real you from the one who was attached to the label of girl or boyfriend? Do you know who you are minus your mate?

The question is the same where friendships are concerned. Don't attach your identity to the clique you claim or the social group you represent. You have to know who you are before you enter into a relationship, of any kind, with anybody. If you don't, you aren't doing yourself or those who wish to claim you, any favors.

Spend some time, alone, finding out exactly who you are now and who you want to be—get secure in that—and then take the steps to find the people who most compliment those ideals.

Day Seven: You Are What You Are...

never waste time trying to explain who you are to anyone. This is you now. This is you then, and in the future. Take it or leave it, but this is you.

It's amazing that people actually expect you to explain who you are to them...as if it's something you owe them—an explanation of you. Listen, you don't owe anyone an explanation for being who you are. You are a collection of experiences, emotions, relationships, time, and existence.

You are who you are because you've been blessed to breathe—period.

This life is short. Too short to start feeling as if the person you are or are becoming needs to justify itself.

Be who you are...without apologies—and no explanations. Tell everyone else to respect that or keep it moving.

Day Six: Money Isn't Everything...

At some point, your life will become less about what's pricey, than it is about what's priceless. Be sure to save the best parts of you for the moment when that happens.

People are far too obsessed with labels these days. It's all about whose name your wearing: If it's not (insert latest designer name here), then it's garbage. Or, if you're still wearing shoes by so and so, then you need to get caught up.

Well, my philosophy has always been, if it feels good, looks good, and the price is right, then I'm all over it—but I realize I'm in the minority. The point is, trends change. What was hot a year ago is not likely as hot now and chasing after what's "in" is bound to drive you crazy at some point.

You have to begin to understand the part of you that isn't obsessed or concerned about the materials you possess. You have to become cognizant that, in order to grow, you have to be deeper than the surface.

Why?

Well, believe it or not, at some point material things will play a secondary role in your life.  You'll want more for yourself than just a nod of approval from your "crew". You'll want to know that you are respected—no matter who you're wearing—because you are a person of quality and dignity.

Am I saying that there's something evil or wrong with wearing designer clothing? Absolutely not. But, when you take those labels and make them a criteria for judging the worth of yourself or others, then that's a problem.

It may sound cheesy but, in the long term, what do you want people to say about you when you're gone: that you were a great dresser or you were a great person?

Think about it.