Don't Linger In Negativity

I have bad days—days where I feel worthless, unfit to be a mother/wife, and completely dismayed that the path I've set myself on is one that will lead me straight into the bowels of hell—I am not unlike anyone in that regard, as we all have days where we question our purpose.

However, once I pull myself out of that pit of despair and self-loathing, I remember I am a good person, with a good heart, and I try to view such moments of negative thinking as personal challenges to my resolve as opposed to signs that things are about to get worse.

Even so, many of us have a problem doing the latter and we interpret these moments not as challenges, but as chores, and in so doing greet the roadblocks placed in our way by such momentary losses of confidence with disdain—they're just "one more thing" thrown on top of an already crappy day.

I empathize with those of you who feel that way—I used to feel much the same—but after marriage and children, I no longer feel I have the luxury of lingering in negativity for too long because it leads to a lack of productivity and I have too many responsibilities to be unproductive. 

So, what I try to do each day is reaffirm my strengths. I remind myself that I can handle anything and if I can't handle it right then, I try to move beyond it—save it for meditation and reflection at a later time if necessary—but my ultimate goal is not to emotionally linger inside that negativity.

Now, I know what you're saying, that approach doesn't always work in a job situation. Sometimes you're assigned a task that spells misery from the start and will be miserable until you get the job done. I understand that, but notice I said "don't emotionally linger"?

There is a difference.

Even the work day ends at some point, right? So, the question you have to answer is do you leave the misery at its source or do you carry it home with you?

If the answer is the latter, then there is your problem. You cannot be effective at home, with friends, in relationships, or anywhere else if you never detach from the negativity and frustrations that often play a major hand in laying the foundation for the self-loathing I spoke of at the start.

All of us are going to be faced with moments where we feel poorly, inside and out, but the choice to keep and carry those things around versus letting them go belongs to you as an individual and you should never place that power in the hands of another. 

Be cognizant of what you internalize so that you can refocus your energy on enhancing the things that fill you with a greater sense of purpose and joy as opposed to holding onto the things that are suffocating you and making your life, as well as those around you, less rewarding.

There's Always One Moment

Each morning, around the time I manage to get my bearings together (in other words, about the time I realize it is morning, I do have to get up, and it will be another busy day), I've found myself engaging in one particular ritual: There's about sixty seconds where I decide if I will be a positive or a negative presence on the day.

Now, I know what you're thinking, who chooses to be a "negative" presence? Negativity isn't usually the go-to option of anyone. We all strive to be positive, don't we? Well...not really.

Think about it, in choosing to be positive, you are committing to taking each moment as it comes—with zero preconceived notions.

For example, let's say you agree to meet a friend for lunch, and that particular friend has been known to be a touch over-dramatic—about everything. You might find that you actually begin to "prepare" yourself for your interaction with them before it actually happens.

Through that act of preparation alone, you've already begun setting the tone for your lunch date.

Whereas, if you chose to take things as they came, and remained open to the possibility of good (i.e. perhaps this time they will be different), you would leave room for a less stressful atmosphere because, let's face it, if you go in with negative expectations, that is precisely what is likely to greet you.

Does that mean you won't become annoyed if your friend does indeed live up to their reputation? No, but at least you wouldn't have diminished the chance of having a pleasant lunch simply by attaching your negative energy.

Positivity takes conscious effort. You have to work hard at it, daily, if you expect to make it a habit. And each new day will force you to make a choice as to who you will be in this world.

What will your choice be today? 

Day 23: You Can Do Bad All By Yourself...

There are a high-percentage of miserable people in this world who have one goal: to make your life miserable too.

They don't appreciate seeing you happy, accomplished, blessed, or ambitious. No, it's far easier and more satisfying to them if you fall flat on your face—a complete and utter failure.

Those kinds of people are better left in a boat, sailing alone, in an endless river—towards oblivion. Well, maybe not oblivion, but they definitely should not be allowed to be a functional part of your daily life because they, ultimately, serve no purpose.

While it's easy to understand the nature of a person who is willing to try and build a relationship with such a character—even Judas had friends—it's not smart for your soul. You cannot rely on that subtle instinct within you that says you can be the difference. You can make this person into a better man/woman simply by not giving up on them—showing them they too are worthy of greatness and love.

That's silly. Your job isn't to save them, it's to enhance your life in the best way you can and, chances are, that journey won't go very far if you continue pulling the 500 pound anchor that is negativity and resentment around with you. Let that person evolve by his or herself and not at the expense of your growth.

Now, if said individual resides in close proximity to you, let's say it's your friend, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, life-partner, or what have you, start asking yourself what Y-O-U are getting from an association that's so emotionally stalling—why do you feel you need to have this person in your life?
What purpose do they serve?

If their only function is in making you feel like, by comparison, you are much better person than they—shame on you. However, if they serve no purpose other than to drain you emotionally, physically, and psychologically, then why have them in your life?

Misery can be attained without help...don't waste your life giving it company.

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