Welcoming In The New Year: Are You The Superstitious Kind?

Over the years I have subscribed to many an "old wives tale". Most of them don't appear to have any history behind them, but  if not followed, the alleged outcome is supposed to be something unfavorable and who needs more bad luck, right?

Well, just for kicks, I figured I might track down some of the more well-known wives tales regarding both welcoming in and saying goodbye to the New Year.

So, get your pin and pad, you may need to write some of this down.

1. Eat your black-eyed peas and greens: The black-eyed peas are supposed to represent good fortune, and good health, while the greens ensure you will have money throughout the year.

As a southern girl, I have had my fair share of greens and peas on New Years Day and, I gotta tell ya, I haven't seen much difference. However, it never hurts to try!

2. Do no laundry on New Years Day: The washing of garments is a representation of the death of someone close to you. Stay away from the washing machine and, just for good measure, don't wash dishes or cars either—better safe than sorry.

3. Kiss your significant other: Be sure to kiss the man/woman in your life at the stroke of midnight if you hope to continue a healthy relationship into the new year. No kiss is a harbinger of a cold and difficult year together.

4. Invite a friend...just make sure it's a dark-haired man: Make the first guest that enters your home in the New Year be a male one. Males bring good luck—females, not-so-much. Don't ask me why.

5. Have a clean house: Make sure your humble abode is spotless before the New Year comes in, or else be a victim of having a messy house all year long.

6. Open the doors: Let the New Year in, and the old year out, by opening the doors at midnight. Welcome in the good possibilities of 2011 and allow its predecessor to be on its merry way.

Happy New Year!

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Sometimes You Need A Little "Me Time"...

Most of us feel selfish when we realize we need time for self—especially when you have kids—it's as if we all decided that becoming a responsible adult meant the end of all activities geared towards personal enjoyment. There was to be no more fun...ever.

Well, forgive me for saying so, but, that's a load of crap!

Being a mother, father, sister, brother, cousin, friend, daughter, or son in no way obligates you to remain tethered to playing whatever role you feel you're expected to play. You are entitled to take that fishing/hunting trip, go see that movie you've been wanting to see, or make that jaunt to the local mall to catch up on your window-shopping.

You are every bit as important as those you give your time to, and if you don't recharge, you will regress into the solemn, sad, and stressed out state that lends to depression, anger, and resentment.

You owe it to yourself to be mindful of your needs—even if that means being selfish—and whenever the guilt creeps in, just remind yourself that even God rested on day seven.

Breaking Free of Your Holiday Hangover

The blues don't come with a warning and sometimes it can take you a moment to realize that you are '"sad". The end of the holiday season can bring about such a feeling—believe it or not.

For a great many of us, Christmas is about more than the shopping and the gifts—it's about the comfort we get from being around those we love. Despite the stress and drama that can come with the presence of family/friends, you still appreciate the opportunity to have loved ones with which to spend that time.

You conversate, eat, and exchange memories with these people and those actions envelop you with feelings of great warmth and security. You forget—temporarily—about the issues of being an adult so that you can enjoy the beauty of the season with those around you—becoming like a kid again. 

So when the festivities end, and we all begin to make our way back to the chore of living our real life, it can be a major letdown because few of us are interested in dealing with the stress of the everyday —bills, job, mortgage/rent, etc.

We prefer the fantasy.

So, how do we combat the feelings of sadness? Well, for one, we have to pinpoint the reasons we think we are sad. If it's the realization that everything must return to normal, then it's time to start figuring out what it is about that "normalcy" that makes you feel so bad?

What are you running away from and when did that become the definition of who you are?

If it's about the lights and the consumeristic quality of it all, then you may need to dig deeper to discover why it is that you need to see the bells and whistles to feel complete. What is your spirit lacking?

There is nothing wrong with feeling a little under-the-weather about the demise of the holiday season. Don't feel bad about it if you do. Instead, take that time to focus on the good memories made and the ones still to come in the years ahead.

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Day 30: Don't Worry About It...

We worry. It's a part of life that most of us will not escape and one that we have grown accustom to accepting. And, truthfully, that's alright—that's normal.

That said, you have to start understanding that worrying is less about being stressed than it is about being aware that life still has much to teach us—if we are open to learning.

Many of us become so focused on the negative aspects of the actual worrying (i.e. what we don't have, what we can't have, or what we need to have) that we forget that there is more to the act of worrying than meets the eye.

Think about it, it's never so much the worrying that harms us as it is the potential outcome of the thing we're worried about.

"If I don't get this bill paid, I could lose x, y, or z", "If I don't get this job, I don't know what I'll do", or "If I can't pay for my child to do this, I'd hate to see his/her disappointment". All of that is valid, but it's surface and, mostly, outside of our control.

That said, if you dig deeper you'll find that at the very core of our worries is fear. A fear of being a failure. A fear that perhaps your confidence isn't as strong or as solid as you thought it to be.

It's about insecurity and that is something that is fixable if we refocus our attention on the root cause of said feelings.

Now, I'm not saying that all worries can be written off to feeling uncomfortable in our own skin, but I am saying that it's important to examine why that particular something is so bothersome to you—again, find the root cause.

If you can begin to figure that out, you might find a lot less reason to worry at all.






- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Day 29: Sometimes It's Best To Say Nothing...

Silence is an art. It takes a good bit of restraint to remain silent when everything within you is screaming to say something—anything—that will relieve the frustration and angst that has suddenly been instigated by the words/deeds of another.

The trick in recognizing when silence is best comes with understanding the motivation of the one with whom you are speaking and developing the ability to see beyond the immediate emotionality of the moment.

If the conversation seems prompted by frustration or anger—and you are certain that you have done nothing to cause the discomfort—you can be sure that this episode is one of misdirected anger. In which case, a decision to engage does nothing more than negatively fuel the moment. There is nothing  gained from fighting a losing battle—walk away—don't try for the last word.

In cases where you are less certain of the other's motives, you will have to trust your instincts. How do you feel? Do you feel attacked? Or do you get the feeling that there is more to the discussion than the surface level rhetoric it has presented itself to be?

If you feel that the conversation is more than what it seems, silence is best because it's obvious that you are dealing with a situation where it's difficult for the person to get to the point without meandering around for a bit—although frustrating—it's best to let them get there at their own pace.

Don't scurry the chat to its climax because you've mistakenly pegged it as another round of "what's wrong with you, what's right with me".

On the other hand, don't become the target of a vitriolic attack either. It's okay to defend yourself by saying something productive and pointed—if the situation calls for such honesty. In the end it's simply about being patient with the process and understanding that the outcome should be productive—not painful—if either of you is going to progress. 

Christmas Gift Conundrum: Five Thrifty Gift Ideas For The Harried Mom In Your Life

Let me warn you right off the bat, this isn't your average Christmas list. While I do emphasize these as great gifts for the harried mom in your life, some may disagree with the choices below.

That said, as a mom myself, I am more given to practicality than extravagance—even at Christmas—and I can appreciate receiving a gift that makes my life easier.

So, let's just jump right in:

1. A book of stamps.

Seriously! While I have joined the electronic age and pay many of my bills online, I cannot tell you how often I run across a bill that requires a mail-in (curse you country power company) and it is safe to assume that I am not the only one.

Even more, the mere thought of purchasing a stamp seems time consuming. The driving, the waiting in line...who has time?

Think about it.

2. Dish towels.

We're all cooks—good or bad—and we spend a great deal of time in the kitchen. A lovely set of dish towels from HomeGoods or your favorite retailer is practical and useful.

My mom gave me two sets last year and they came in handy during this holiday season when I've spent so much time playing chef.

3. A DVR or TiVO.

Okay, they can be a bit pricey, but sometimes you have to splurge.

A DVR or TiVO device will allow your superwoman to record all of her favorite shows and watch them at a later date.

4. A handmade coupon book.

The one thing a busy mom never has enough of is time. Every hour of the day is usually accounted for and little of that involves anything for her. As moms, we aren't likely to fuss about that fact much—it's in our nature to be Superwoman—however, there is always the desire for a little "me-time".

So, why not make a coupon book that offers small opportunities for just that—time. The book could be for as many different occasions as you like (although 12 is a nice start) and could include items like:

• A Mom's Day Out—minus the kids.
• A night off from preparing dinner or cleaning up afterwards.
• An hour for taking a relaxing bath.
• A Free massage

Be creative!

5. A journal.

The one thing most don't do enough is take note of our own thoughts.

Journaling doesn't have to involve a daily entry or even a long one. It's simply an opportunity for getting some of the stress of the day off your chest and decompressing.

It's also a great way to maintain mental health.

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BREAKING NEWS for Moms: Drop-Side Cribs Now Outlawed In The U.S.

The details are still in development, but the news is already being spread on the internet: the U.S. Government plans to outlaw all drop-side cribs from this point forward. Don't know what a drop-side crib is? Well, here's a hint, just about every mother with a newborn baby likely has one in her possession.

The drop-side was invented to make lifting and placing your infant/toddler into bed much easier via a lever or foot-controlled mechanism which lowered and lifted the railing. Now, apparently, due to the 30 or so deaths which have resulted from these cribs, manufacturers will no longer be permitted to sell or re-sell these cribs to the consumer.

I must admit, the first question that came to mind—seeing as how I currently own a drop-side crib myself—is what will they do with all the cribs currently on the market? Will there be a sudden recall of all cribs made in this mold? Will current moms-to-be have to scrap their nursery plans?

The drop-side has been around for years and it seems bizarre to imagine what will have to be done in order to completely phase them out of the marketplace. However, over the last couple years, there have been more and more deaths and incidents linked to this particular brand of crib.

Only recently, Bassetbaby issued a recall on all of their drop-sides due to entrapment issues.  This past summer saw Pottery Barn also issuing a recall on over 82,000 of their drop-sides—marking the start of the federal government's crusade to end their sale altogether.

As a mother of a toddler, there is nothing more important to me than the safety of my child. However, I am forced to wonder how this move will impact all the young mothers out there who may, at this time, not have many alternatives to look towards.

What say you about this monumental shift in consumerism?

Related articles

• Gov't to vote on new cribs standards amid deaths (sfgate.com)
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New Year's Dissolution: Make 2011 The Year You Break The Bad

The problem with making resolutions, as so many of us do this time of year, is we almost never keep them. Sure, we start with great intentions and a lot of steam but, by March or April, we're done being focused—we are no longer able to sustain our enthusiasm for meeting those preset goals.

Some might call that an issue of commitment, but I call it an issue of life.

Failed resolutions are less about an inability to remain true to yourself than they are about an incapability to add more to a plate that's already full. If you're stretched thin already, how on earth will you find the time to meet the demands of joining a gym or finding a mate?

If your goal is to become debt free, how will you do that if you don't see a raise or any additional income in your immediate future.

You're planning to get a better job? Great, but who's hiring?

Life is just as much an obstacle to progress, as progress is an enhancer to life.

So, instead of making resolutions that can make you feel awful if they're not completed, start making goals with dissolution in mind. Here are just a few suggestions to get you started:

1. Release yourself from one outside commitment. 

Many of us obligate ourselves too much. Take stock of the things that enrich you and make them your focus—half of yourself given to 100 things is not better than all of you given to 10.

2. Learn to say 'NO'. 

'No' is not a bad word. Start changing the negative connotation behind it into what it truly means—in some instances—an opportunity to Nourish One's self. Take that time to reconnect with your inner spirit and you'll feel and be better for it.

3. Let go of the bad. 

Whether it's an old coat, a lingering thought, or a dying relationship, start the process of letting it go.

Remove the anger, the pain, and the resentment from your life so that you have more room for the happiness, the joy, and the forgiveness that your heart and soul crave.

4. Write a letter to yourself. 

Each of us is guilty of being too critical in our self-assessment. We belittle our efforts, eschew our talents, and pretend that we aren't worthy of better.

That said, write a letter to yourself. Make it a bold, scathing, and vitriolic indictment to the person you feel you are—then set it on fire.
 
5. Stop feeling guilty for being selfish. 

Selfishness is a necessity. There is no growth without attention to one's self. You have to become both knowledgeable and focused on making you into a better person, and that cannot be done if you spend a majority of your time beating yourself up for being a little indulgent. 

6. Devote 15 minutes a day to doing nothing. 

15 minutes may seem like a small amount but, for some, finding that 15 minutes is a challenge.

Outside of restroom breaks or sleep, we are constantly in motion or thought, and 15 minutes of nothing is just as much about being mentally still as it is about being physically still.

Find your center and take those minutes to just 'be'.
 
Conclusion:

Dissolution is about undoing bad habits and, without undoing some of the bad ones, you can never be resolute in introducing the good ones. The journey towards resolve starts with dissolving the negative parts of your life so that you can become whole again.

Start there and let the rest of your journey unfold as it may.

Day 28: You're Not A Mind-Reader...

Each of us are individuals. We all have different wants, needs, desires, and dreams and none of us are so attached at the hip that we can say, with confidence, that we want entirely the same things as the person we've chosen to spend our life eating dinner with—it's simply not possible.

See, what happens when you fall in love with someone is you begin to compromise on the above-mentioned wants, needs, desires, and dreams. You start re-evaluating just how relevant those things are to the life you've chosen, and you omit the things that have no place or purpose in your new life.

It's an action most of us take, willingly, and one that many of us never think twice about until something within said relationship either goes wrong or becomes a source of on-going conflict. It's only then that we start to wonder about what we "gave up" to be with this person. It's then that we start to question our compromises and wonder if we've made a mistake.

I'm here to tell you, that's a natural response. Your mind is always given to question, and your heart is always given to doubt—put the two together and the result is, almost always, confusion and speculation.

That said, your job, as a reasonable person with a better than average knowledge of yourself and your relationship, is to be able to separate the bumps from the sinkholes.

Every relationship has bumps. The trick is to remember that having conflict is necessary if you wish to grow as a couple. You have to begin to understand the kinds of things your mate likes and dislikes, where their boundaries exist, and what insecurities still lie within them now that they've decided to give themselves to you.

The bumps become ongoing learning opportunities that, one day, lead you both into a healthy level of communication and comfort. It's only then that you can find the balance that you always hoped to achieve and finally understand how you both fit together.

That said, no one should expect you to be a mind-reader. You are not responsible for deciphering codes and translating emotions into what your mate feels is a desired action. That duty falls on the individual who feels that their needs aren't being met—not you.

Your role is to be present and willing to build a positive foundation for the direction you want your relationship to go and that requires a team effort.

Aretha Franklin: 10 Songs That Always Touched My Heart

I'm a huge fan of the oldies. I mean, I've often felt that I was born at the wrong time because there is just as much Motown in my catalog as there is modern.

I loved the sound, the soul, and the seduction of the great voices of that era: Otis Redding, Marvin Gaye, Eddie Kendricks, The Jackson 5, The Temptations, etc. They offered so much emotion and raw pain in their delivery. So much truth.

When Sam Cooke sang "A Change Is Gonna Come", you knew that he was hoping for something better in the future. The same angst and longing could be heard in Curtis Mayfield's voice when he belted out "People Get Ready". Their words meant something because they were speaking from the heart about a time when pain was prevalent and hope was personal.

You just don't hear that kind of music these days. The content of today is full of the superficial—money, cars, clothes. It's all about being flashy and looking like a centerfold. There's nothing personal or real about the words—no meaning behind the stories being told. It's very disheartening.

That said, one of my all-time favorite artists from that time period is Aretha Franklin. I've always felt that she epitomized soulful. Her voice, her delivery, and her honesty was always something I appreciated. She didn't mince words, even back then, and even now when I listen to her catalog, I feel a kinship with some of the words she spoke. It's like an elder statesman giving advice to a young girl. A girl still coming into her own.

So, upon learning of the possibility of her having pancreatic cancer, I felt compelled to write a small tribute to the woman that has played such a huge role in my world. These are 10 of the songs that, for whatever reason, have always struck a chord within me.

1. 'Dr. Feelgood': That first line always gives me a slight chuckle. I'm feeling Sister Re all the way through this one.

2. 'Call Me': There is nothing tougher than letting a loved one go. Re puts that longing to hear their voice again into words in this one.

3. 'Never Loved a Man': The basic message is simple, "you make me crazy".

4. 'Baby, Baby, Baby': A powerful song about love and letting go.

5. 'Do Right Woman, Do Right Man': Self-explanatory. Just listen.

6. 'Who's Zoomin' Who':

 7. 'I Knew You Were Waiting':

8. 'Put You Up On Game':

9. 'A Rose Is Still A Rose': A personal favorite of my mom—for good reason.

10. 'Freeway of Love':

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Day 26: Moving On...

Love can be painful. It's not intended to be such, but when you allow a person into your heart and mind long enough, they become intimately knowledgeable about all the things that make you tick—if they're paying even a modicum of attention. And, when it becomes clear that your relationship is over, they have the ability to push those buttons—if they choose—and make a tough situation more difficult to bear.

Keeping that in mind, it's up to you to decide the type of person you wish to be when it comes time to release yourself from a relationship.

Do you want to be the mature, respectable, adult who takes the high-road and refuses to stoop to their level? Or do you want to embroil yourself in an emotional war where, quite frankly, everyone loses?

The decision can be tougher to make than some think because, while it's easy to have someone tell you to be the bigger person, no one can possibly understand what you're going through. None can say for sure that they would do things differently because they aren't standing in your shoes—these are your decisions, based on your experiences, and no one should feel fit to judge you for how you handle your pain.

However, in attempting to move forward, you have to become aware of when your desire to hurt said person overcomes your desire to heal—if you can't heal, you can't move on.

The most important thing you can do for yourself is allow the healing process to happen—however it happens. If that means you give yourself a 6-month pity party—go ahead. Love is not something that goes away simply because the person does. You are mourning the death of a relationship that, at some point, meant everything to you.

You deserve time to come to grips with that fact. Even still, don't place yourself in wreckless situations that could possibly lead to regrets later.

Own your pain, find a way to mend your heart, and trust in the possibilities that lie ahead—your life is not over—and, eventually, you will be fine.

Day 25: Find Your Fight...

Most people are content to admit that they are defeated. Believe it or not, it's easier to give up than it is to say, "you know what, no matter what happens here, I'm all-in ". No we, as human beings, feel the easier way is to disappear and accept that we are not strong enough to win.

In truth, there is fight in all of us.

While some of us may not know our strengths yet, we do understand our weaknesses well enough to not leave them exposed. We know where our deepest fears lay, and it is that understanding that keeps us from putting ourselves out there to rise up against the challenges and conflicts that life sets in our path.

That said, it's important to realize that inaction is as dangerous as action.

If you allow yourself to fall prey to circumstance, you will never break free from the negativity or the misery that surrounds you. It's important that you always remember that you have the option of fighting—always.

Never allow the fears fed to you by self-doubt keep you from making progress. Find that lion inside your heart and make it roar. Make it roar loud enough that everyone can hear you—show this world just how strong you truly are.

Day 24: Your Worth Is Infinite...

If you work hard, and live right, there is always a part of you that is looking to be rewarded for giving your maximum effort. And, while the payoff may not always arrive in the form you most desire, you should not be negatively viewed for expecting some amount of acknowledgment for what you've done.

The problem with most of us is we feel like we don't have the right to expect a "thank you" or a "nice job" in return for being generous with our time, but we couldn't be more wrong.

When you give of yourself, particularly when you do so at the expense of the time you might otherwise spend with family, friends, or in self-enhancement, you are elevating that person or cause to first priority; thereby sending a message that they/their cause is important to you—there is both honor and sacrifice in doing such.

For that alone, you deserve to be recognized and, in accepting that recognition, you need to feel confident that you aren't being self-centered or selfish, but rather understanding that your actions are worthy of praise—even if it's minor in nature.

To be clear, I am in not saying you should walk around expecting pats on the back or statues erected in your honor.  Humility is still expected, and no charitable act should be taken solely for the purpose of receiving an accolade.

However, if you are giving all the time, without ever receiving anything in return—even if it's only a "thank you"—then there is something wrong and, at some point, you could grow to resent the person or cause that you are devoting your efforts towards because you feel your sacrifices aren't being appreciated or considered.

Own your compassion in such a way that you never allow your kindness to be the button others are allowed to press for personal gain because while your worth is infinite, your time is short, and you should never let anyone use your time to such a degree that you feel worthless.

Day 23: You Can Do Bad All By Yourself...

There are a high-percentage of miserable people in this world who have one goal: to make your life miserable too.

They don't appreciate seeing you happy, accomplished, blessed, or ambitious. No, it's far easier and more satisfying to them if you fall flat on your face—a complete and utter failure.

Those kinds of people are better left in a boat, sailing alone, in an endless river—towards oblivion. Well, maybe not oblivion, but they definitely should not be allowed to be a functional part of your daily life because they, ultimately, serve no purpose.

While it's easy to understand the nature of a person who is willing to try and build a relationship with such a character—even Judas had friends—it's not smart for your soul. You cannot rely on that subtle instinct within you that says you can be the difference. You can make this person into a better man/woman simply by not giving up on them—showing them they too are worthy of greatness and love.

That's silly. Your job isn't to save them, it's to enhance your life in the best way you can and, chances are, that journey won't go very far if you continue pulling the 500 pound anchor that is negativity and resentment around with you. Let that person evolve by his or herself and not at the expense of your growth.

Now, if said individual resides in close proximity to you, let's say it's your friend, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, life-partner, or what have you, start asking yourself what Y-O-U are getting from an association that's so emotionally stalling—why do you feel you need to have this person in your life?
What purpose do they serve?

If their only function is in making you feel like, by comparison, you are much better person than they—shame on you. However, if they serve no purpose other than to drain you emotionally, physically, and psychologically, then why have them in your life?

Misery can be attained without help...don't waste your life giving it company.

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