Thoughts On Love and Becoming Whole

The beauty of the human heart lay in its capacity to love without end and be loved in return.

I made the decision to attend graduate school closer to my hometown and I did so, in many ways, to save a relationship that was going nowhere.

Now, I know what you're thinking, she was one of those girls. You know the type I'm referring to: the one who would drop everything for a guy.

Well, the answer to that is yes and no.

I spent four years attending school in Iowa—at a school more than 1200 miles away—just to get away from said guy. However, it's difficult to stop loving a person until you truly understand that real love is not meant to be unrequited, painful, or difficult to sustain on a daily basis.

While I understood those things, in theory, I didn't yet have the strength or confidence to use that understanding to break away from the relationship.

In short, I was a girl who needed fixing.

So, one day as I sat alone on my mother's front porch—stood up yet again by this guy I "loved" so much—I said a prayer. I asked God, very simply, to send me the man who would be for me in all ways. I decided I wanted more out of love and life than I was getting from this guy who wasn't yet ready for what I was willing to give to him.

I wanted more not only for me, but for my future children as well.  And, more importantly, I  understood I was worth that and then some.

Often times in life, as we struggle to become the picture perfect version of what the world considers successful, or pretty, or acceptable, we stop remembering to check our inner compass to make sure our spirits are headed in the right direction.

We are far more than a conglomeration of our accomplishments, and are likely filled with exceedingly more depth and character than anyone can assess in a 15 minute conversation. So, as you navigate your way through this world, it's always important to remember who you were before you made that first step towards letting the world know you. What did you stand for? What did you believe? What were you willing to accept?

Don't let another persons definition of those things define the individual you become, and never allow yourself to be redefined in such a way that you lose the very essence of what made you so uniquely wonderful in the first place.

I remembered sitting on my mothers porch that day that, first and foremost, I am a child of God and He would not have approved of the woman I was becoming; the kind of woman who had belittled herself so much that she didn't know how deserving she was of all the things He wanted her to have.

After that day, I began to feel the traces of doubt, fear, and indecision leave and that allowed me to open my heart to love...a real love.

I never worried about that guy again because I trusted that God would bring me someone infinitely better, and he did. I was blessed with a man who was more than any dream or fairytale could have predicted.

We'll celebrate our 14th year together this October.

It doesn't matter who you are, what religious principles you subscribe to, or what philosophy you choose to lead your life by, we are all touched and molded by love. In the end the most important thing to remember is to be open to a love that doesn't attempt to change who you are, but rather makes the person you already are better.

Day 26: Moving On...

Love can be painful. It's not intended to be such, but when you allow a person into your heart and mind long enough, they become intimately knowledgeable about all the things that make you tick—if they're paying even a modicum of attention. And, when it becomes clear that your relationship is over, they have the ability to push those buttons—if they choose—and make a tough situation more difficult to bear.

Keeping that in mind, it's up to you to decide the type of person you wish to be when it comes time to release yourself from a relationship.

Do you want to be the mature, respectable, adult who takes the high-road and refuses to stoop to their level? Or do you want to embroil yourself in an emotional war where, quite frankly, everyone loses?

The decision can be tougher to make than some think because, while it's easy to have someone tell you to be the bigger person, no one can possibly understand what you're going through. None can say for sure that they would do things differently because they aren't standing in your shoes—these are your decisions, based on your experiences, and no one should feel fit to judge you for how you handle your pain.

However, in attempting to move forward, you have to become aware of when your desire to hurt said person overcomes your desire to heal—if you can't heal, you can't move on.

The most important thing you can do for yourself is allow the healing process to happen—however it happens. If that means you give yourself a 6-month pity party—go ahead. Love is not something that goes away simply because the person does. You are mourning the death of a relationship that, at some point, meant everything to you.

You deserve time to come to grips with that fact. Even still, don't place yourself in wreckless situations that could possibly lead to regrets later.

Own your pain, find a way to mend your heart, and trust in the possibilities that lie ahead—your life is not over—and, eventually, you will be fine.