Don't Linger In Negativity

I have bad days—days where I feel worthless, unfit to be a mother/wife, and completely dismayed that the path I've set myself on is one that will lead me straight into the bowels of hell—I am not unlike anyone in that regard, as we all have days where we question our purpose.

However, once I pull myself out of that pit of despair and self-loathing, I remember I am a good person, with a good heart, and I try to view such moments of negative thinking as personal challenges to my resolve as opposed to signs that things are about to get worse.

Even so, many of us have a problem doing the latter and we interpret these moments not as challenges, but as chores, and in so doing greet the roadblocks placed in our way by such momentary losses of confidence with disdain—they're just "one more thing" thrown on top of an already crappy day.

I empathize with those of you who feel that way—I used to feel much the same—but after marriage and children, I no longer feel I have the luxury of lingering in negativity for too long because it leads to a lack of productivity and I have too many responsibilities to be unproductive. 

So, what I try to do each day is reaffirm my strengths. I remind myself that I can handle anything and if I can't handle it right then, I try to move beyond it—save it for meditation and reflection at a later time if necessary—but my ultimate goal is not to emotionally linger inside that negativity.

Now, I know what you're saying, that approach doesn't always work in a job situation. Sometimes you're assigned a task that spells misery from the start and will be miserable until you get the job done. I understand that, but notice I said "don't emotionally linger"?

There is a difference.

Even the work day ends at some point, right? So, the question you have to answer is do you leave the misery at its source or do you carry it home with you?

If the answer is the latter, then there is your problem. You cannot be effective at home, with friends, in relationships, or anywhere else if you never detach from the negativity and frustrations that often play a major hand in laying the foundation for the self-loathing I spoke of at the start.

All of us are going to be faced with moments where we feel poorly, inside and out, but the choice to keep and carry those things around versus letting them go belongs to you as an individual and you should never place that power in the hands of another. 

Be cognizant of what you internalize so that you can refocus your energy on enhancing the things that fill you with a greater sense of purpose and joy as opposed to holding onto the things that are suffocating you and making your life, as well as those around you, less rewarding.

Personal Reflections on this Father's Day Weekend

My husband is currently the same age my father was at the time of his death. I'm floored by that realization because it's a subtle reminder to me of just how young my father was when he passed. I cannot imagine my husband not being here now to share in this life we've made so beautifully together. It's not something I want to ever have to endure as it would break the hearts of both me and our children irreparably.

As many of you who read this blog already know, I am the product of a single-parent household. My father was present in our lives, but he didn't live with us, eat, with us, share holidays, or participate in the ideal way many of us imagine fathers should. He had far too many demons to escape and those demons made it difficult for him to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

By the time he died it was clear to most of us that his illness was something that he could mentally and physically never overcome without the support and presence of something more powerful in his life. The battle was his, but he didn't have the strength to fight it, and in the end it was all of us who bore the pain of his struggle.

So, as this Father's Day weekend approaches, I feel a bit of sadness at the fact that I cannot call or see my father, but blessed in the knowledge that I have a man in my life who is both a wonderful father and husband. It's a bittersweet trade-off to be certain, but I understand the deeper meaning hidden behind it all and feel fortunate that I was able to accept this gift no matter the circumstances wrapped around the box.

Each of us have a father and a mother. It's the common thread that binds us all. Whether those parents are good or not, we each have a story woven within us that will become the foundation of who we are. Acknowledge it or don't, but the experience you have of either growing up with or without the presence of your father has been one of the driving forces for everything you have done to this point in life.

I know, without question, that the absence of my father is the reason it was so important for me to find a man who was the very opposite of his bad, but the very embodiment of all his good. I found a few duds along the way, but in the end I was delivered a man with whom my life could feel complete and favored beyond my wildest dreams.

That said I still feel an incredible amount of empathy for my younger brother who never had the opportunity to know our father, develop his own opinion of the kind of man he was, nor have the chance to see and remember him for both the good and the bad parts of who he was to many of us. It's a relationship that never had the chance to be created and I feel the sadness as deeply for my father as I do for my brother because he missed out on a little boy who became one very handsome, well-educated, talented, and most importantly, good young man.

Happy Father's Day to all of you as you reminisce, celebrate, and continue to understand the men who make, love, and become the fabric by which all of us are clothed.