Facing The Music: Even Living In "The Now" Has Limitations

As a woman who has accepted the fact that she is always trying to become better than she was the day before, I understand that growth is about making your way through the easy and the tough moments. You're not always going to have the best response to things, but you will learn some lesson of worth— if you're open to it.

I often try to tell myself that I can be of sound mind, even in the worst of circumstances, because my spiritual and mental side has progressed to that point—I have arrived! But, to be frank, I am no more immune to fits of indecision than the next person. As a matter of fact, I am often completely confused by exactly where my learning process began and what part I'm supposed to play in making it a more enlightening experience.

However, in my defense, even in those moments of confusion, I am still striving to do what's best for me. The only problem with that approach is that it, at times, leaves me without a grasp on the bigger picture—which can lead to my feeling emotionally distraught about all the things I don't know or understand.

In other words, because I am so focused on the moment, I lose sight of the long-term purpose of my actions and reactions. I cease to see how this moment will, ultimately, change the course of all the others that follow and—while that may not seem like a bad thing for a person who prides herself on living in the now—it can be problematic because one of the biggest lessons you have to learn as an individual is when to take things deeper than the surface. 

The best I ever hope for is to come out the other side of each day with a clearer purpose than which I entered. And while I am fully aware that this approach will, at times, leave me unprepared for accepting the worst case scenarios when they undoubtedly do happen, I'm okay with that because life is nothing if not unpredictable.

I wasn't meant to foresee it all, just to live it and hope like hell that my actions make all the difference in the person I am trying to be.

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Battling Through A Short-Term Injury or Illness

I don't handle being ill very well. I am , literally, the type of person who gets angry when they get sick because it slows me down more than necessary. Suddenly, it's harder to get out of bed, more difficult to get the simplest of tasks done, and—most importantly—it's tough to find the energy to exercise.

You know how they say, sometimes, it's just "mind over matter"? Well, where being ill is concerned, my mind doesn't matter one bit. Anything that slows down your physical being will force you to take a different approach to how you handle any plans you might have had on the docket for that day.

So, how do you handle such small, inconvenient, setbacks? Well, the first thing you must do is see such times as an opportunity to rest your mind and body.

Your body can be as well-oiled a machine as you want it to be, but if it's suffering the effects of a cold or some other common challenge of the physical kind, then take that as a sure sign that you need a minute to re-energize yourself—and sometimes getting sick is the only way most of us will do so.

Secondly, us the time to engage in meditation or some other form of spiritual enhancement because your mind is every bit as important as your body.

Lastly, understand the value of such challenges as they pertain to your overall self-improvement goals. I find that I am more motivated after recovering from a cold or an injury because I feel more refreshed and renewed from all the rest and relaxation time I was granted.

So, the next time those allergies are kicking your rear, or that flu bug makes its home on your front door, consider it a good thing (okay, well maybe not a good thing, but you get my meaning) and take it as your opportunity to fine-tune the other sentient parts of you and get them back on track. 

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Living Fit Is Always A Challenge

I have always had an eye towards fitness—even when I was pregnant I maintained my dedication to being as healthy and fit as I possibly could. Even so, prior to the birth of my first child, I felt justified eating many of the same foods I enjoyed as a child in the South. That means I didn't shy away from southern staples like fried chicken, sweet potato pie, and collard greens (cooked with the pre-requisite ham hocks/neck bones) on the occasions they were made available.

My justification was that I didn't indulge in these types of foods often, so why worry about eating them on the minimal occasions that I did find my plate near their simmering goodness. And, good gracious, who can turn down granny's homemade fare—ever? The trouble with such thinking was it often wasn't relegated to singular moments. I found that once I allowed the gate to open, I took far more liberties than I should have allowed.

I snagged a pastry or two from the lounge at work, ate lunch out with colleagues, "rewarded" myself with a weekend jaunt to my favorite restaurant, treated myself to that cheesy, jalapeno laced, nacho concoction they offered at the cinema...the list was endless.

Again, the justification being, I didn't get fit to stay famished and I was, for the most part, good with my diet and ate even the worse stuff in moderation.

Even so, the commitment I made to myself was to maintain a level of awareness that went beyond  outer appearances. If I was going to live a healthy lifestyle, that meant living it at all times—no cheats, no shortcuts. And, I have to tell you, that was hard for me.

If you read here often, you know I wasn't raised on junk or processed foods, but there are still plenty of ways to make a good thing bad if you aren't educating yourself about food and how it works in your body. For example, those tasty collard greens made by granny were certainly delicious to the palate, but the ham hocks and salt added to "enhance" their flavor was not.

I find that cooking veggies in organic broths and seasoning with herbs yields a plate of greens that is just as flavorful—again, you have to step outside the box.

That said, my pantry has found other items that work for me:

1. Almond Milk: I'm not much of a milk drinker, but back when I was calorie counting on a daily basis, I needed to find a comparable alternative that wasn't so unfriendly on the wasteline—enter almond milk. Where soy milk often left me with a bitter aftertaste, almond milk (the unsweetened variety) did not and that appealed to me greatly. I often use it for cooking certain dishes and offer it to my kids as a companion to their favorite breakfast cereal. 

2. Black beans: I have yet to convince my husband that a black bean burger can be every bit as tasty as one made from ground beef, but he's at least considering giving them a whirl. Other than that, any legume of your choice offers a workable alternative to any dish that calls for ground beef—chili and burritos in particular.

3. Greek yogurt: you might not believe this, but as a substitute for sour cream, there is no better brand of yogurt to use than Fage. It has the same consistency and if combined with your favorite chunky salsa, you'll hardly note the difference.There are so many uses for this stuff, it's ridiculous.

4. Seafood: I don't eat meat much these days, but as a girl raised in Savannah, GA, it would be difficult for me to completely forsake my seafood roots. That said, I see no harm in pan-searing a piece of tilapia or salmon a few times a month. Mussels is another favorite; I often saute them in garlic and a little butter, just until the shells open up, and then throw in a handful of tofu noodles to simmer along with them for that final 15-minutes—delicious.

5. Tofu noodles: I'm a pasta lover, but I cannot deal with the carbs and whole grain pastas tend to be a bit on grainy side. So, I started using tofu noodles (again as a means of cutting calories). They are a wonderful low-calorie option and, like regular tofu, pick up the flavor of whatever you cook them alongside (see mussel reference above). I must warn you, however, straight out the package they won't warm your heart as they are packaged in lime water.

6. Granola (homemade or organically bought): I've stopped eating flavored yogurts because of their sugar content, but I don't mind buying plain greek yogurt (see Fage above) and mixing granola, or fresh fruit, along with a dash of cinnamon or a packet of my favorite low calorie sweetener as a means of flavoring it myself. 


7. Gardein: I usually limit my processed food intake to items that have four ingredients or less and are organic in nature, but it wouldn't be unusual to find several of these items in my freezer right now as I am not immune to fixing myself a vegetarian friendly meal in a pinch. My favorite is the Chick'n Scallopini; I often cover it with a bit of Wholly Salsa and serve it up alongside a nice salad or a plate of my favorite steamed veggies.

8. Yogurt dressing: As you can imagine, salads are a major part of my diet. I love salads and have found many ways to make them both filling and delicious. That said, nothing ruins a good salad like a fat-laden dressing—enter yogurt to save the day. I'm a ranch dressing fan, so this was right up my alley. It's more than half the fat (per serving) of regular ranch dressing and sacrifices little, if any, of the flavor—not even my hubby can tell you the difference between the two.

I'll end by saying this, everything I mentioned above works for me and my family, but you have to do what works for you. There are hundreds of great products out there if you're willing to take a chance and do a little hands-on research. Like anything, you'll find some duds along the way, but in so doing you'll also be adding to your overall knowledge base and that's part of the reward.

But, I also caution you by saying that any packaged items you opt to buy should act as compliments to a home cooked meal and not the basis for the meal itself. Frozen vegetables are safe in most forms, but any food you have to heat to eat was probably processed in such a way that it's not nearly as healthy as your body would like it to be, so limit your intake of such items as much as possible and stick to eating fresh and local when possible.

Even more, always read nutritional labels! Do not assume that just because it says 'organic' or 'low fat' or whatever, that it's "healthy". You have to be responsible for your own awareness and remember that most every food maker is out to make a profit of some kind and to do so they will all have to make a compromise somewhere. It's up to you to decide if the compromise they made is something you're okay accepting.

Anyway, off the soap box I go. Happy food hunting!

Time: Take More of It for Yourself

Count to ten. No, not that fast. Here, let me help you, close your eyes, take a deep breath and, as you exhale—slowly—count 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10.

In completing that exercise, you took time to stop and focus on yourself—and you did it without much effort I bet.

Even though that moment took little effort to complete, the reality is most of us can't find enough of these moments to constitute a feeling of contentment. Our days are filled to the brim with the things we need, want, and have to do—our schedules overrun with both what we can and, probably, shouldn't carry.

Here's a bit of science for you to consider: A minute is comprised of 60 seconds and, over the course of our 16 waking hours, we watch 960 (on average) of those minutes float away in all the things we need to get done. Understanding that, how is it that most of us can't take even a few of those 960 minutes for ourselves?

Of course, suggesting that you make time where there is none is like waiting for pigs to fly, so here's a plan that even the most time-strained individual should be able to follow: find five minutes within every hour that is just for you—trust me when I say those five minutes are there for the taking—and use them to declutter your mind, focus on positive energy, and take in the moment—no matter what is going on within it—so that you can remember what it's like to be "present" as a sentient being. 

Sure, the time might be more purposeful if it's spent in a candle-lit room, filled with soothing music, but by no means is that the only way to find perfect peace. You can learn to quiet your mind even when it's embedded within the world's chaos and step one is remembering that you have the power to quiet your mind and refocus your energy.

A trick I've used is to tell myself that the more chaotic things are, the calmer I should become. My brain, my consciousness, my psyche, my spirit—whatever you wish to call it—is programmed to use chaos as a trigger for peace within my body.

That said, you have to find what works for you.

90 minutes is what you should be able to give yourself. If that sounds like a lot, it isn't—it's only 15 percent of your average day—and believe me when I say you are worth that and then some.

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Perfecting The Art of Being Imperfect

I'm a bit of a perfectionist. I like things to be "like so", as my mother would say, and I don't take too kindly to people or things that might upset the balance of what I'm trying to do.

That said, I often take on more than I should because I figure if it's going to be done right, who better to get it done than good ol' responsible—and reliable—me!

Well, the flip side to that is, you can get yourself into a world of trouble when such thinking not only leads you to take on more than you should, but places you in the position to fall short or fail in your pursuits altogether.

Whether it's for a project at work, at home, or in our social circles, we can all become the target for those who might be less motivated, less qualified, or less interested in getting the job done than we are, thereby accepting each delegation as a challenge—even though it can bring on emotional and physical distress.

In my case, I'm so preoccupied with the notion of failure that I purposely over-obligate, over-stress, and over-reach myself to the point of absolute exhaustion even when I know I've taken on too much and should ask for help—I just feel like it's all on me.

As irrational as I know this thought process to be, it's one borne of experience and it's a tough habit to break overnight—but I'm working on it.

It's important to understand that the nature of life is not to be perfect, but to strive for your best version of excellence and part of being able to grow is developing the ability to fall flat on your face and arise stronger than you did at the start.

Life is about being, not being perfect, and I'm praying and striving daily to remember to just breathe, be, and focus on doing what I can.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Helping To Build Healthy Habits in Our Children

As a child my mother was on the Pritkin Diet (which as near as I can figure was considered a fairly radical method of weight control at that time), of which the basic tenets were low-fat, low sugar, low carb, and lots of fruits, vegetables, and protein (mainly from chicken and fish) combined with a commitment to exercise daily.

The result of such strict adherence to the above was that I grew up in a fairly healthy home. I wasn't offered sodas or sugary drinks (water only), nor was there much opportunity to overindulge in cakes or candies (such items were reserved for holidays and summers in the city with grandma). If I asked for a lollipop, I got a carrot with a radish on top (yes...seriously).

My mom's way of life was geared towards moderation and filling the body, with only foods that made her body operate at its most optimal level.

I share this to say, good food and eating habits often start early. To this day, I don't care for candy, rarely indulge in cakes or pastries, and shun all sodas and sugary drinks in favor of my favorite drink—water. My philosophies about food were built at the age of five and have never left.

Today, as a mother myself, I do many of the same things my mother did with me. I don't allow my children to drink sodas, eat many sweets, or partake in more than the occasional piece of candy.
I serve as much organic and locally grown fruits and vegetables as possible, limit their red meat intake, and offer increasingly more vegetarian dishes (if only to introduce their food palette to more diverse eating options). 

While I would never criticize or judge the way any parent decides to raise their child, I do believe that the role we play as parents is one that is as much about building good health habits as it is about building good character. And, in a society that has increasingly seen a trend towards childhood obesity, we have to start finding ways to educate our children about how their bodies operate and what the pleasures and perils of certain foods can mean for them as individuals.

I was reading an article the other day and came across some disturbing statistics:

• 17 percent of children aged 2-19 are obese
• 90 percent of elementary schools eliminated daily physical education 
• 40 percent of African American and Hispanic Children are obese
• 7.5 hours a day is spent by the average teenager using entertainment media like TV, computers, video games, cell phones and movies.

More and more these days the physical and mental health of our children will fall on the actions we take as parents and community leaders and we cannot take the above issues lightly as obesity not only effects the quality of life for those who are struggling with its effects, but to society as a whole as well.

My goal where my children and those I love are concerned is to have the food conversation, not in a judgmental or condemning way but, in a way that makes them more informed about how they make their choices so that they can, hopefully one day, do so on their own.

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Rediscover Your Belief In Infinite Possibility

As we get older, we start to settle into the roles we've accepted for ourselves and we stop trying to discover the infinite possibilities this world offers to us. Why do we do this? Is it because we're comfortable where we are, or because we're scared to take chances by doing something that falls  outside of our comfort zone?

Many of us are satisfied with knowing who we are and where we're going based on what we've learned about ourselves thus far, but it's spiritually unhealthy to settle so firmly into a role that you cease to grow, that you cease to investigate the hidden gifts of this worlds greatest attribute—the ability it has to both change and to change you.

Consider a child,  they have little to no understanding what society expects of them, so they're raw in their approach to everything. The simple delicacies of their environment—the appearance of the moon in a day lit sky, the presence of dandelions in a wide open field, the realization that they are but one small part of a much bigger universe—make them increasingly more curious about what's out there, where they can find it, and how they can get there.

This unfiltered, unjaded, approach to looking at the world allows them to dream big and believe they have the opportunity to be or do something great someday.

However, somewhere between the first 'that's impossible' and the first 'I do', that sort of thinking ceases. The wonder and awe is replaced with worry and stress about how what's out there could effect the quality of the life we've already built for ourselves.

We start becoming people who pay bills, vote, and raise families. Which, don't get me wrong,  is not a bad thing as responsibility is a major part of our adult contract. But, why does our becoming a responsible adult have to be so definitive? Why can't we recapture our ability to see this world through eyes of wonder and possibility?

Why don't some of us want to?

This week as you go through your day-to-day, I urge you to challenge your sense of normalcy. Do something different, it doesn't matter what it is. It can be as small as taking a new exercise class or as large as becoming a mentor to someone you've never met, but do something outside of your routine and note its effect on you. Note the windows it opens in your mind, your heart, and your spirit.

Start from a place of curiosity and let that curiosity lead you towards the place where infinite possibilities for growth exist.

Trust yourself and your instincts on this one and remember that sometimes personal growth is about getting uncomfortable and losing your inhibitions towards change.

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VIDEO: Remembering The Voices of 9/11

No Sunday Soundcheck today as we all pause to remember the lives and legacies of those who died during 9/11. Today marks ten years since the attack on the Pentagon, The World Trade Center, and the thwarted terrorist attack on the final—bound towards Washington, D.C.

This video captures the resiliency of the human spirit and what it can do when it finds a sense of purpose.

The Undefined Woman

I don't know about you, but my daily list of things to do does not include trips to the spa, a personal trainer, or my local nail salon—not that there's anything wrong with any of that—I'm a simple woman.

I love wearing a comfortable pair of jeans/slacks, a nice top, and a great smile. That's how I make my mark on the world—physically—everyday.

I've never bothered with make-up much, don't care much for heels, and probably know more about football than fashion, but  that's the me I'm happy to be.

The me who has stopped being overly concerned with any suggestion that I'm not "feminine" enough simply because I don't fit into a certain idea of what a woman is "supposed" to be. 

Let me tell you this, despite what you've been told, being a woman has nothing to do with the clothes you wear, the bag you carry, or the face you put on in the morning. Those are merely the things that please the eyes of those around you and make you feel good about yourself when you step out your front door every day.

None of those things mean a hill of beans where peace of mind, heart and spirit are concerned.

You should be able to remove all of the material comforts that people associate with you, and still know who you are, what makes you tick, and what you stand for.

Any woman can buy a pretty piece of clothing and wear the devil out of it, but not many have the courage to say 'this is me, love me or hate me, but this is me' once stripped bare of all the glitz—can you?

When you wake up in the morning you are already beautiful, tussled hair and all. All the stuff that accompanies you out your front door—the bag, the make-up, the shoes—are just the cherries on top of an already perfectly iced cake.

Don't ever forget that.

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Sunday Soundcheck: Alicia Keys Is In Constant Evolution

Alicia Keys is one of those artists who seems to constantly evolve. From the debut of her first cd, "Songs in A Minor" up to her most recent release, "The Element of Freedom", you can see her growth. Each new album goes deeper and with that depth comes the undeniable realization that she was never meant to be a one album wonder, but a long-standing member of the R&B/Pop landscape.

I have favorites from each one of her four studio albums, but I always have a tough time picking a song that exemplifies the very essence of has as an artist because she truly has the ability to transcend any category you venture to place her.

So, I've decided to simply take the easy way out and let my iTunes shuffle me into a decision. I'm pretty sure, I won't go wrong leaving this one to chance.

"Wreckless Love" from "As I Am"



"How It Feels To Fly" from "Elements of Freedom"

Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained

As we get older, we start to over-analyze the choices we've made. Perhaps we feel that one decision, here or there, would have altered the trajectory of our life for the better. Or, maybe we are just feeling sorry for ourselves because the life of this or that person turned out better than our own—jealousy can prompt self-reflection very quickly.

Well, here's what you have to do in those moments: stop being so hard on yourself. You cannot change the past and the only thing dwelling on it will do is make the steps you try to make in the future that much harder to take.

This path you are on is the one you are supposed to be on—even if it seems like a rather difficult one at present—and when you reach the end of your journey, you can expect one of two things to happen: you will either 1) feel grateful for the experience and reposition your life based on what you've come to learn, or you'll 2) let self-doubt and self-pity take over, learn nothing, and remain stuck right where you are.

The roads we travel have many directions, it's up to you to choose the right one.