The Christmas Spirit Escapes Me

A few weeks ago, as we returned from my son's soccer practice, I noticed someone already had their Christmas tree up, lit, and on display in their window—yet, at the time, it was still a week or more before Halloween!

Now I can understand being anxious for all the goodness Christmas brings, trust me. As a child I always looked forward to Christmas in a major way, too.

The sounds, smells, and look of the season gave me so much to smile about that I could hardly contain myself long enough to put up my own tree and decorations. But, lately it feels like we're being bombarded with the sales pitch for Santa earlier and earlier and that concerns me.

(BEFORE Halloween?...Seriously?)

You see, I'm one of those people who remembers the "reason for the season", and while the commercialization of Christmas hasn't lessened that knowledge, I worry that the day will soon come where Christmas is lumped in with a "holiday" like, say, Valentines Day—which is to say, it'll be just another day upon which money can be made.

Does that sound ridiculous? Well, brace yourself for the way I considered staging my own personal protest.

While I could never get away with foregoing presents—Santa and I are on speed dial at this point—I did consider ditching the tree and everything else this year as a way of reminding my children that as much as Christmas brings joy and good tidings for them, it's about the birth of Jesus Christ first and foremost, and He didn't require an inflatable reindeer to announce His arrival.

I know, I know, it's extreme, but I've finally become bothered by those who seek to make Christmas about the dollars and sense and, by doing so, letting the true reason go unnoticed.

In the end I will likely do as I have always done—put the tree and every other decoration up on Thanksgiving night—but this year I feel an even bigger need to refocus the attention (at least to those in our home) on why we celebrate this wondrous day in the first place. 

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You Have To Get Uncomfortable To Grow

Why do so many people believe life is supposed to be easy? The only thing this life has promised us is an earthly body. The quality and quantity of the life granted by that body is not guaranteed and if you have chosen to live your life based on some misguided notion of entitlement, then you could be selling yourself short.

It's important to realize that the blessing of life isn't in the receiving of riches, but in the molding of a life based on the pieces that can't possibly hold a price tag: your family, your children, your spouse, your friendships, etc. Those are the people on whom your impact is most precious and most beneficial to the world around you.

You must begin to realize, at some point, that you are part of something bigger and greater in this world and in order to grow into a person of true worth, sometimes it's necessary for life to get a little uncomfortable. You have to be tested, pounded, broken down, and even sometimes pushed to the very limits of what you feel your spirit can tolerate—then pushed one step further—before you can begin to appreciate and decipher the lesson you're being taught.

Does that mean the trials and tribulations you endure will be fair? No, because we are all meant to be tested differently, for different reasons, and at different times.

My father died when I was 11 years old and my relationship with him at the time of his death was contentious at best, estranged at worst. I never had the opportunity to know and understand him as the woman I am now and I struggle with that on a daily basis. However, the experience of him dying made me a stronger, more grateful, person because it made me appreciate early on the value of a life lived with purpose and love.

Perhaps if my father had been more in-tuned with the one (love), he might have been better equipped to fix the other (purpose), and maybe he would be with us today—but then would I still be the woman I am now?

Don't get me wrong, there's not a day that goes by where I don't think of my father and wish he were here to offer me the value of his experience—he'll never know his grandchildren or my husband, he wasn't there to walk me down the aisle, give me advice, or keep away the bad guys I encountered in my youth—but I understand that the plan God had for me required that I go through that experience to get to where I am now. My faith in Him won't allow me to question His purpose for that plan.

The blessings I've had, the choices I've made, and the people I've let in as a result of going through the pain of such a loss played a key role in making me the person I am.

Growth is an inevitable part of life but that growth cannot come without being tested. Forget the part where you think life is supposed to be easy and remember only this: life is a moment to moment conglomeration of everything you both are and can become, and to be tested is a blessing because it means God still knows you can get stronger. He has a plan for you, even if you can't see it yet, and whatever you are going through is His way of saying "I see you. I'm with you. Trust Me".

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Fighting The Demons Within You

This life isn't particularly kind to everyone. I recall being especially unhappy as a high school student with little-to-no social life, a less than stellar boyfriend, and a contentious relationship with my mother. The only thing I wanted to do was escape it all and reinvent myself as a woman of some importance—at least in my own mind—and be free of the pain and loneliness that seemed to frame my life at that time.

Back then, like many girls my age, I was envious of the popularity, good looks, and overall charmed existence of the "popular" girls. Why couldn't I be more like them? Where was my superstar boyfriend (AKA sports hero)? My invitation to all the hot parties? Why wasn't I living the "good life"?

Well, it didn't take me too long to figure out that I was asking and hoping for all the wrong things and,
as a result, it became necessary for me to start sorting out the woman I wanted to be—in this body I felt endlessly uncomfortable living in—with this soul that was sorely lacking in both direction and nourishment.

Now, a number of years later, I reflect upon that time as a moment in my life where I was too centered on the superficial aspects of living to appreciate all the good things I was blessed to have. I was too busy being shallow to understand what characteristics truly mattered in a person—their faith in Christ, their poise, their integrity, and their virtue.

It's a lesson I had to learn in order to "grow up" and become the woman I am today: one who has
so much more to give to those around her because she can see both sides of the battle. I understand what it feels like both to be accepted and to wonder what acceptance feels like.  And, though I'm still evolving on a daily basis, I feel more comfortable living and loving in the beautiful body the good Lord blessed me to have than I did 20 years ago.

Don't get me wrong, that 15-year old, lost, girl with low self-esteem is still a very real part of my story—she still makes an appearance here and there in those moments I find reason to doubt myself—she's just no longer the title character in the movie.

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