Beware of the "Shiny Buttons"

Do you know what the biggest obstacle to personal growth is? It's the inability of the individual to perceive that the only road blocks in their way were placed there by them.

Sure, there are unforeseen circumstances in nature that can keep you from moving ahead and doing the things you most need/want to do but, for the most part, our obstacles are embodied in the preconceived notions, misinterpretations, and ill-intentioned actions of those we surround ourselves with who may or may not have our best interests at heart.

You have to start taking stock of the people you're letting in and decide how much of their presence is necessary for a positive effect to be had on your life. If you find that you have to constantly supplement their actions in order to make the relationship work for you, then you're working too hard to sustain something that, in truth, is hurting you more than helping you.

My late grandmother used to tell me to be careful of the "shiny buttons".

Let me explain.

Back in the day when I was a very young girl, my mother used to love dressing me in these beautiful full-length dress coats with these ridiculously shiny, gold-plated buttons. The buttons made the color of the coat pop and looked deliciously cute on Sunday mornings.

However, my grandmother would say, 'you know, you can get buttons that are just as shiny by polishing the ones on her older coats. Why waste time buying new coats that will eventually suffer the same fate as the ones you now choose to eschew in the name of style?'

She would later apply that theory to everyday life where relationships with people and a relationship with God were concerned.  She'd say, 'Tara (my nickname), don't get caught up with the shiny buttons'. To her the "shiny buttons" were the temporary friends who would dot my life throughout high school, college, and my adult years. They were the people who could hold me back from both  reaching my greatest potential and fostering my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

However, that old coat, with the pretty brass buttons that simply needed a quick polish, was her symbol for Heavenly Father because no matter how much you choose to neglect that old coat, you'll hang onto it because you know it's still the warmest, most well-made coat in your closet. And you would miss it if you ever let it go.

It may seem like a weird analogy, but it's one that I find comfort and wisdom in whenever I'm struggling to reassess a personal relationship.

Each of us have to answer for our choices so, the way I figure it, we may as well make them good ones.

You Have To Get Uncomfortable To Grow

Why do so many people believe life is supposed to be easy? The only thing this life has promised us is an earthly body. The quality and quantity of the life granted by that body is not guaranteed and if you have chosen to live your life based on some misguided notion of entitlement, then you could be selling yourself short.

It's important to realize that the blessing of life isn't in the receiving of riches, but in the molding of a life based on the pieces that can't possibly hold a price tag: your family, your children, your spouse, your friendships, etc. Those are the people on whom your impact is most precious and most beneficial to the world around you.

You must begin to realize, at some point, that you are part of something bigger and greater in this world and in order to grow into a person of true worth, sometimes it's necessary for life to get a little uncomfortable. You have to be tested, pounded, broken down, and even sometimes pushed to the very limits of what you feel your spirit can tolerate—then pushed one step further—before you can begin to appreciate and decipher the lesson you're being taught.

Does that mean the trials and tribulations you endure will be fair? No, because we are all meant to be tested differently, for different reasons, and at different times.

My father died when I was 11 years old and my relationship with him at the time of his death was contentious at best, estranged at worst. I never had the opportunity to know and understand him as the woman I am now and I struggle with that on a daily basis. However, the experience of him dying made me a stronger, more grateful, person because it made me appreciate early on the value of a life lived with purpose and love.

Perhaps if my father had been more in-tuned with the one (love), he might have been better equipped to fix the other (purpose), and maybe he would be with us today—but then would I still be the woman I am now?

Don't get me wrong, there's not a day that goes by where I don't think of my father and wish he were here to offer me the value of his experience—he'll never know his grandchildren or my husband, he wasn't there to walk me down the aisle, give me advice, or keep away the bad guys I encountered in my youth—but I understand that the plan God had for me required that I go through that experience to get to where I am now. My faith in Him won't allow me to question His purpose for that plan.

The blessings I've had, the choices I've made, and the people I've let in as a result of going through the pain of such a loss played a key role in making me the person I am.

Growth is an inevitable part of life but that growth cannot come without being tested. Forget the part where you think life is supposed to be easy and remember only this: life is a moment to moment conglomeration of everything you both are and can become, and to be tested is a blessing because it means God still knows you can get stronger. He has a plan for you, even if you can't see it yet, and whatever you are going through is His way of saying "I see you. I'm with you. Trust Me".

Related articles

• Uncomfortable? That's when you know who you are. - David Goggins (lifechngr.com)
• Inasmuch as ye shall keep the commandments: 1 Nephi 2:20-23 (mormonapologeticstudies.org)