So...About That Dress I Was Preparing to Wear

Recall about a week ago when I mentioned the hubby and I were invited to a wedding and I'd found a dress to wear but wasn't altogether sure if I'd be able to pull it off? Well, said wedding was this past Saturday and I finally had the opportunity to wear that steal of a deal dress I found while vacationing near D.C. about a month ago.

(In case you don't remember, I was determined to wear the dress sans Spanx or any type of armor).

Well, the dress was more than a hit and I figured why not share the final result with you guys...what follows are a couple of pics—one with my handsome date for the night—of what I think turned out to be one lovely evening and, still (even with me in it), one hot-looking dress.

Yes, Happy Couples Fight Too...

I've been married for over 10-years to a wonderful man. He's everything I ever wanted and I have absolutely no doubt he was God's gift to me. That said, I can describe our marriage as such: Loving. Passionate. Blessed. We still hold hands, talk on the phone for hours, miss each other relentlessly when we're not together, and love as if we only met yesterday. He is my definition of what perfection in a man looks like and I could never imagine my heart in the hands of another.

Even so, I have yet to find one marriage that is perfect. Two people living and sharing the same space, on a daily basis, forever is not something that is always easy to do. And, given that fact, we become prone to disagreements about different things (money, time spent together, paint color, etc.).

However, it isn't the disagreements that matter but rather how you manage those disagreements.

For years I watched my parents struggle to find the ability to communicate effectively. However, they couldn't find the solution to their problems without hurting one another and that made for a difficult marriage and, eventually, a painful divorce. Yet it also made me keenly aware of how quickly things can fall apart if you're not constantly working together towards the same goal.

You have to know yourself, your mate, and your boundaries if everything is going to work as you'd like. And you cannot allow the elements that exist outside of your home to influence the approach you take inside of it.

When single girlfriends ask me how we continue to make our marriage work, I tell them it's because, if nothing else, we know that at the end of the day, we belong to each other and there is no place else we'd rather be.

We start from there and let God help us with the rest.

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Be Realistic

I have a pet peeve and some people might call it a rather obnoxious pet peeve, but it's a pet peeve nonetheless; I hate impatience where losing weight is concerned. People always seem to forget getting fit and losing weight is a process, and look opt for the easy way out; but that's the worst approach to fitness you can take because fit takes time.

While I continually strive for my own version of a goddess body, I have never in my life ingested a supplement (outside of vitamins) or subscribed to a fad diet—no Atkins, no Grapefruit Diet, no South Beach, no Zone...nothing, Nathan, nada—I simply don't believe in any of that stuff.

Now, I know what some of you might be saying, "good for you, but you've probably never lived outside of a size six in your life"; not true.

Despite maintaining an exercise regimen and a fairly decent diet, I still managed to gain better than 40lbs with my first child. And after he was born, I did not dive back into my routine right away  because I was too busy and overjoyed being a new mommy. I didn't have the time or the motivation to do anything more than a little yoga—and not even that was on a regular basis.

That said, once I finally did find the motivation to get things going again, I knew I had my work cut out for me because not only had I gained weight, but I'd lost muscle tone and definition. All the hours spent in gyms and on great eating habits officially went down the drain between my son's birth and the birth of our second child—a span of roughly 2 1/2 years.

However, once I got going again, I did so with one very important fact in mind: it took you three-years to get here, it'll take you at least that long to get back. And trust me, that wasn't an easy fact to accept. I certainly wanted to reach for that quick fix—I won't lie, it crossed my mind for a nano—but I knew that would be temporary and, as you know, my personal philosophy is "fit is forever". So I started slow and set realistic goals along the way and now, three-years removed from that personal pep talk, I am further along than if I'd never started.

You cannot be discouraged about what you're not losing. You have to be real with yourself and set reachable goals. That's the only way you'll stick with it.

And remember...take your time.

 

I Welcome The Spoils

The one thing I always tell myself when I'm at the point in my workout where I feel like one more set might kill me is: to be better than I was yesterday and stronger than I am now.

Pretty simple.

I approach each workout full bore because I want to challenge myself. I don't care if it's hard and I'm not looking for anyone to pat me on the back and say, "good job", I just want to be the very best physical version of me that I can and I know that won't come without me doing the necessary work.

So, I welcome the spoils of my labor—sweat, pain, and more of both where that came from—because I know that I am headed somewhere good physically if I never allow myself to get too comfortable with where I am now.

I know I can always get better. 

Source: Uploaded by user via Danielle on Pinterest

You Mean It Doesn't Matter When I Eat?

I love reading informative fitness articles, even when they touch on things that I already know after years of self-study, and the link below should be a bookmark on everyone's laptop because it is an invaluable resource to anyone who is either just starting out or considers themselves to be somewhat informed. 

It speaks of the "26 Myths..." of fitness and two in particular are heard by me on a regular basis:

...Myth #1 – If you eat after 7 p.m. you will gain weight.

Truth: Energy balance determines your bodyweight. If your energy intake (food and drink) is greater than your energy expenditure, then you will gain weight. If your energy intake is less than your energy expenditure, then you will lose weight. What time of night you eat does not make you gain weight!

G-Tip: I would suggest decreasing your carbohydrate intake later in the day and into the night when you are less active. Eat lean proteins, fiber and fats.

Myth #2 – If you are a woman and you lift weights, you will get bulky.

Truth: Women do not have enough natural testosterone to build large muscles. You will only get harder, leaner and firmer! Lifting weights will also help you burn calories and fat— during and after your workout.

G-Tip: Lifting weights is an essential component in any fitness program. No matter what your goals are, lifting weights will help build not only an amazing, well-sculpted, firm body, but keep you strong and build overall confidence and self-esteem!...

...Myth #10 – The best time to exercise is in the morning.

Truth: The best time to exercise is based on you. Some people are “morning people” and find they are most productive before noon. If this describes you, then you should exercise in the morning. However, others, whether through personal preference or due to their schedules, find it easier to work out in the afternoon or evening. This is what they should do. You will build the same amount of muscle in the morning or in the evening.

G-Tip: There are theories about when is the best time to do this or do that and everyone has their beliefs. For everyday lifestyle living, the bottom line is to get in your daily workouts no matter if that means you do so in the morning, afternoon or evening. Everybody's lives and schedules are different so you have to do what is best for you.

And that's just a few of the common misconceptions.

Personally, I've always heard the one about when to not eat and wondered how much sense it made simply because, like the article states, just because it's past 7 doesn't mean your day has ended. You could conceivably burn just as many calories in your nighttime activity (dancing, playing a sport, swimming, running, or otherwise) as you did during the day.

Quite frankly, during the summer months, when the days are longer, it's not unusual to find me in the yard or out and about.

So it makes sense that you would eat according to what your body needs but just resolve to eat smart. 

I highly suggest giving the link a look if you're even a little curious as to how many of those tried and true "facts" of fitness you might still be hanging onto for yourself. You might be surprised what you find.

26 Fitness Myths Revealed

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• To Lift or Not to Lift.... (mtwentysix.wordpress.com)

Monday Motivation

Enough said. Let's get it going on this Monday!!

Source: marcelafitness.files.wordpress.com via Kimberley on Pinterest

A Mother's Prayer of Love for Her Baby Girl

I saw this Pin and immediately thought of my daughter whom I pray will never have to know the heartache I did before finding my "prince".

Source: Uploaded by user via Kimberley on Pinterest

Even though I know the chances of my little princess going through the world with an unscathed, unbroken, heart are slimmer than slim. I do hope that the lessons she learns about love via her father and I will make her better prepared to recognize what a healthy love looks like when she does in fact begin to search for it on her own.

I suppose that's all any mother can hope for, right?

So,There's This Wedding...

Okay, time to share.

I had the great fortune of finding the most beautiful, form-fitting, dress whilst on a family trip to Washington, D.C. a couple weeks back—a sweetheart of a deal found on a Lord and Taylor rack for under $30 after being marked down from over $200—and I decided I was going to wear that very dress to a wedding that's quickly approaching (April 28th).

That dress is an absolute stunner, according to my hubby, and I have zero intention of wearing it with too much armor (i.e. spanx) as I hope I can pull it off without such accoutrements—wishful thinking, I'm sure, but that's the plan.

So, in an attempt to do just that, I upped my ab routine to include more planking, more crunching, and a lot more cardio. In other words, my regimen went from hell to, as my friend Ally at Copacetic in Carolina might call it, the 5th circle of hell (haha, I still think that's too funny) the moment I walked out of Lord & Taylor's. But it shall all be worth it if I can pull it off as that dress is definitely as much for the hubby as it is for me.

That said, I'm at the midway point and I'll be making even more adjustments over the coming days to see if I can reach my goal before then. Fingers, toes, and eyes are certainly crossed.

If you're curious as to how far I've come, just click here, otherwise silently be wishing me luck.

Just eight days to go!

Abs: They Take Time and Patience

If I could take a pill that would take my mid-section from what it is to what I intend it to be—minus the 1,000's of crunches and pain-inducing planks and ab workouts—believe me I would. However, even I know that these things take time and a lot of patience.

Keep at it, you'll get there if you stay the course and keep working hard.

Source: google.com via Kimberley on Pinterest

Squat-ariffic Workout

Saw this workout for the quads, buttocks, and hammies at one of my new fave sites for all things fit, Blogilates, and thought I might share it with my fit-minded readers. Try it on for size and see how those legs feel come tomorrow morning—I'll tell you I barely got through it without taking a breather or two...okay maybe three.

Oh Victoria, Your Secret is an Expensive Mess!

So, I decided to treat myself to a clothing allowance. I figure my wardrobe needs a bit of an update and I'm tired of wearing the same rotation of clothing I've been wearing since 2011—well, maybe not that long, but long enough. That said, I'm updating every stitch of clothing I own (donating what I can and pitching what isn't altogether useful) and taking to the internet, boutiques, and everywhere else to find out what my new style will become.

Thus far I'm still hopelessly enamored of Ann Taylor, find way too much at Banana Republic, and wish to heaven I could download clothing from Free People, Michael Stars, and James & Joy—love, love, love.

However, before the top layer goes on, the bottom layer must take center stage and that means my first trip was going to be to Victoria Secret for some of those pretty things that look ever so amazing on their "Angels".

The first thing I did was get a bra fitting from a wonderful associate named Nicole. The process itself wasn't the slightest bit uncomfortable and took about 30 seconds.

Once my size was confirmed, I went about the business of finding some bras that were both comfortable and sexy to look at (while you can say a lot of things about Victoria Secret, it would be impossible to deny that they have some undeniably gorgeous bras and panties) which was where my visit went quickly down the rabbit hole. 

The bras I chose were nearly $50.00 a piece, and let me tell you I understand how important support and style are but, $50 frickin' dollars?!? I nearly cried as I plopped down the cash for those brassieres—seriously, you would think they were dipped in gold and manufactured by Venus herself.

Again I admit they were super comfy—as far as that statement can apply to a bra—and lovely to look at, but they blew my budget for the day and reminded me why the last time I bought a bra it wasn't at that pricey pink store.

Jeez, Victoria, you are secretly killing me. 

Boxing As A Workout?...I Can Dig It

I've often come to the end of a long day and wished to heaven I had a heavy bag, a set of boxing gloves, and tons of space within which to use them both. Seriously, even as a stay-at-home-mom, there are days when you want to kick the living crap out of people for their blind ignorance.

That said, I have often mentioned the idea of purchasing said bag and gloves to my hubby—if only to at times save his shoulder from coming into contact with a wandering blow—and he's as been pretty receptive to the idea as well.

Bearing all that in mind, it was interesting to read the following article last week regarding the increasing number of women who use the sport of Boxing as a release and workout for both their bodies and their sanity.

"It's fun. It's empowering. It's as much psychological as physical," he said of the workout, which he said can burn up to 1000 calories. "If you can't do a six-punch combination, you do a two-punch. Everyone gets their own bag and goes at their own pace."

He calls the hour-long classes hardcore and quick.

"It's a testosterone-filled environment for people who seek out an intense workout. Women don't walk in there with makeup on."

...boxing workouts are great for toning the upper arms, back and abdominals, areas that women often like to target, while providing a high-intensity cardio session at the same time.
"It's all intermixed with boxing," she explained. "Just hitting the bag is cardiovascular, and you're working on your abdominals and your arms. You're also twisting, and then there are plyometric (jumping) moves, followed by pushups and sit ups."

She said boxing is a particular draw for professional women.

"The people who take our classes are Type A," she said. "They learn to do it well."

Her clients mainly attack heavy bags, not people. "I don't think anyone imagines they would hit anybody," she said. "But just imagining they could is a confidence booster."

 So I can burn up to 1000 calories and I get to hit something...sign me up!

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Strength Is Not Given

Strength is earned.

The biggest misconception any woman (or man for that matter) can have is to believe that strength is inherent from birth. It isn't. It's something that is acquired through overcoming the challenges and trials that He sets in your path. Those obstacles are like weights for your soul and—the more you lift, the stronger it gets—it's up to you to step up to the bench and do the heavy lifting all by yourself. That's the only way to become a stronger, more spiritually balanced woman of God.

Of course, over time, it becomes easier to remain still and shy away from the unknown because it's easier to not keep opening the doors with unknown paths and struggles behind them. However, there is little glory in conceding to your fears and allowing your soul to cower and remain weak in the face of a new challenge—challenges that, I truly believe, He skillfully places in our paths as reminders  that a) He knows you're there and b) is confident you can handle whatever it is He presents to you.

My personal view on facing these challenges is that we should feel blessed by their presence because it shows us that He's confident in our strength and ability even when we're not. That realization more than anything else gives me the motivation I need to continue to face my demons—no matter how frightening the battles might seem because I know where the strength to fight those battles will come from and I know I'll earn a few more stripes along the way if I stay the course.

Don't ever be afraid to step up to the bench, put on your gloves, and do that spiritual heavy lifting. I promise you as each set gets harder, He won't be far behind to help you—His hands beneath your elbows, offering you His services as your personal "spotter".

Get lifting.

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I'm Almost There...

The hardest thing I ever did was to allow myself to feel beautiful. No, I'm not kidding.

Believe it or not, at least for me, it used to be difficult to look in the mirror on a daily basis and tell myself that I was every bit as gorgeous as the woman on the cover of the magazine, the starlet playing opposite her leading man, or the young lady at the local grocery store who's every bit as elegant as Audrey Hepburn.

But here's the thing I finally realized about physical beauty—and trust me it's a simple concept for me  to have glossed over—it's not in the eye of the beholder, nor is it defined by what society wants you to think it is (i.e. those women on the cover of Elle or Vanity Fair), but it is in fact a characteristic with absolutely no definition.

It was after the above epiphany that I began to understand that my personal quest to be beautiful will not be something I find in any mirror, but rather something I have spent far too much time concerning myself with because, in the end, it's irrelevant.

My face, my body, etc. are filled with little imperfections that I can't Photoshop or crop out, but those imperfections are unique to me. So I can either a) live with them and accentuate the parts that actually matter or b) allow my need to nitpick at said imperfections to lead me away from cultivating the parts of me that will be the most beneficial in the long run.

For the record, I chose to focus on the latter.

And even though I confess fully that my obsession with being fit caters a bit to that remaining vanity, I am okay with that because it also emphasizes to my daughter and son just how important it is to keep your body the temple God made it to be. 

In the end, I know that this is me...on my best day:

And I'm okay with that.

Judging eyes be damned.

Don't Listen To That Negative Voice In Your Head

The question I get the most from family and friends is, "how do you stay so fit after having had two kids?". My answer is a simple one, "I work hard to look the way I do".

I don't diet, I don't take weight-loss pills, and I don't starve myself. My methods are the tried and true ones that continue to be the most effective of any diet I've ever heard or read about, "I eat right and exercise". Period. And though I always consider myself to be a work-in-progress, I know I am a lot further along than I was several years ago, and I'm proud of that fact.

So the advice I give to those who tell me they don't know that they can stick with a program long enough to see the results they'd like is they are their only roadblock.

It's not about being skinny, it's about being healthy, and being healthy is about changing the things about your life that contribute to your feeling bad about yourself—food and all.

The first step is to overcome that voice in your head that keeps saying "you can't" and replace it with the one that you've buried deep in your subconscious. The one that knows "you can".

Go find that voice and let it out. It's time for it to be heard. 

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