The only man who truly knows me and my heart is God and, although I give my all to being a wife and mother, I can accept that one truth about myself for what it is and not feel guilty about it.
Some might say that it's impossible to be truly whole or meaningful as a wife, mother, friend, etc., if you're only giving 76 percent of who you are to those around you—hell I might be inclined to agree with that statement—but here's what you have to think about.: If you're giving the best 76 percent you can give—flaws and all—isn't that better than allowing the 24 percent that's useless, negative, and unfocused into the picture?
See, the one thing I've noticed, at least about myself, is that I feel at my best when I am giving my best. The Negative Nancy within me doesn't serve as anything more than an unhealthy distraction to the woman I strive so hard to be each day. A woman who loves God, loves her family, and still dreams of a life filled with all the happiness that a woman like that deserves.
The life I have is filled to the brim with beauty, even in its imperfections, and I don't want to taint it with the pieces that don't fit my now. The pieces still left from a past that wasn't always painted with pretty colors and sunny days.
Yes, I have learned from every experience, yes those experiences are a part of me, and no I wouldn't trade one second of any of it for a life filled with more smiles and triumph, but life is just as much about progression as it is about learning lessons and, as we learn, we want to be able to move forward and evolve into the beautiful beings God created us to be; the kind of women and men who make the devil angry simply by opening our eyes in the morning.
So, it's not so much that I want to give less as it is I can see the value in giving more with less.
That 76 percent may not be the total package, but it's the very best of what God has blessed me with, for the moment, as He and I work together on that other 24.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Sunday Soundcheck: Some Say I’ll Be Better Without You...
The first time I ever heard Adele was in my car, while on my way to the grocery. The song I heard came through in an unexpected fashion as it was playing on my local R&B station—not that Adele doesn't have crossover appeal (the woman is brilliant in any genre), but most R&B stations usually press the pause button on such artists for fear of confusing their "listeners"—and I immediately turned up the radio and though I was at my stop already, I proceeded to listen until the end of the song.
Adele had drawn me in with her lyricism and harmony.
That very day, though I lived 30 minutes away from the nearest store, I made it a point to leave my house to go buy the "Adele 21" CD that same day. That's right, she was far too to pluck from iTunes. I wanted her CD to be in my collection—it may sound silly, but these days I only purchase CD's when I find an artist that I can't imagine not being able to grab the music of no matter where I am.
One of the first things I often read about Adele is that she is much like the the late Amy Winehouse, but I am put off by that comparison in a major way because, though both women sing with the same unmistakeable British accent, they are very different in both their delivery and choice of music.
Whereas Winehouse could be placed in the category of jazz mixed with a strong R&B influence, Adele creeps a little into every genre. She can at once be R&B (as on the lovely, haunting "He Won't Go"—I'll admit I thought of Joss Stone when I heard it initially), but then suddenly flip into country, as with the beautiful ballad "Don't You Remember" (which kind of made me think of Bonnie Raitt).
Adele is suitable for all ears, all genres, and for all who just like listening to good music. She isn't isolated to just one sound and you have to respect her for doing her thing so very well.
While it's hard for me to find one song that I love, there are at least two that I felt I had to share if for no other reason than they were the first two to find themselves on perpetual repeat:
Adele had drawn me in with her lyricism and harmony.
That very day, though I lived 30 minutes away from the nearest store, I made it a point to leave my house to go buy the "Adele 21" CD that same day. That's right, she was far too to pluck from iTunes. I wanted her CD to be in my collection—it may sound silly, but these days I only purchase CD's when I find an artist that I can't imagine not being able to grab the music of no matter where I am.
One of the first things I often read about Adele is that she is much like the the late Amy Winehouse, but I am put off by that comparison in a major way because, though both women sing with the same unmistakeable British accent, they are very different in both their delivery and choice of music.
Whereas Winehouse could be placed in the category of jazz mixed with a strong R&B influence, Adele creeps a little into every genre. She can at once be R&B (as on the lovely, haunting "He Won't Go"—I'll admit I thought of Joss Stone when I heard it initially), but then suddenly flip into country, as with the beautiful ballad "Don't You Remember" (which kind of made me think of Bonnie Raitt).
Adele is suitable for all ears, all genres, and for all who just like listening to good music. She isn't isolated to just one sound and you have to respect her for doing her thing so very well.
While it's hard for me to find one song that I love, there are at least two that I felt I had to share if for no other reason than they were the first two to find themselves on perpetual repeat:
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Sometimes You Just Need A Minute
Productivity is overrated. I can tell you without any hesitation that I start each day with a mountain of things to do and I end each day with a mountain of things to do. Any person with a life filled with responsibilities and deadlines knows exactly where I'm coming from on this one.
It's like one minute you're this carefree college kid, spending money on your newly minted platinum credit card, without a care in the world. The next you're this 20 or 30-something year old adult with a mortgage, a spouse, and all the mail you could ever imagine—most of it from people and places you'd just as soon not know your address.
In the "real world" this is called growing up and facing the music. None of us is promised a life filled with unchecked fun and endless money—unless you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth (in which case I just might be inclined to hate you...just kidding)—and even then you might be forced to view the world differently just because with money there is always some measure of accountability that many of us would like to forget.
As I've grown accustomed to this new life of mine—a life that I must say again is blessed—I start to understand that the most important element that I need to remember to return to is balance. It's way to easy for me, personally, to forget to attend to my needs and do the things I need for myself to be that productive, focused, married, mother of two that I so enjoy being.
This life is filled with endless lists and eternal things for us to do but, every once in a while, you need to take a moment to breathe and reset.
It's like one minute you're this carefree college kid, spending money on your newly minted platinum credit card, without a care in the world. The next you're this 20 or 30-something year old adult with a mortgage, a spouse, and all the mail you could ever imagine—most of it from people and places you'd just as soon not know your address.
In the "real world" this is called growing up and facing the music. None of us is promised a life filled with unchecked fun and endless money—unless you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth (in which case I just might be inclined to hate you...just kidding)—and even then you might be forced to view the world differently just because with money there is always some measure of accountability that many of us would like to forget.
As I've grown accustomed to this new life of mine—a life that I must say again is blessed—I start to understand that the most important element that I need to remember to return to is balance. It's way to easy for me, personally, to forget to attend to my needs and do the things I need for myself to be that productive, focused, married, mother of two that I so enjoy being.
This life is filled with endless lists and eternal things for us to do but, every once in a while, you need to take a moment to breathe and reset.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Mirror, Mirror On The Wall
I was watching my daughter play in front of the mirror the other day. She was dancing, primping, and admiring her beautiful little self and her comfort level got me to thinking, 'when was the last time I felt that confident and secure standing in front of the mirror?'
I was immediately taken aback by how much my relationship with my personal reflection differed from that of my baby girl's. Her ease in viewing her reflection is in stark contrast to my own, self-critical one, and I found that to be fascinating.
As a young girl growing up in Savannah, GA, I'll admit I wasn't the most fashion conscience. My clothing of choice then, much like now, is about comfort and convenience—with a touch of style thrown in here and there. That suits my life as a married, stay-at-home, mother of two.
My daily goals are simple: raise my babies and maintain my figure so that if I want to get sexy, I can do so without having to worry about what's lies beneath—you feel me?
That said, I still detest looking at myself because, unlike my sweetheart of a daughter, my reflection only offers me the opportunity to find all the things that I don't like, as opposed to the stuff I do. I continuously find reasons to not just say, 'you're perfect just the way you are, don't worry about it'.
But I will say this, when I see my gorgeous little girl standing in the mirror—loving herself just as she is—in that moment I find the inspiration to recognize the beauty within myself because I realize, at in that moment, that that beautiful little gift from God came from me. And knowing that means there is no way I could be anything but the same.
Then she stops playing in the mirror and I remember my hair is graying, my legs aren't long enough, and my skin will never be as smooth or even toned as I would like.
Like I said, I'm working on it.
I guess I'll forever be a work in progress but, then again, aren't we all?
I was immediately taken aback by how much my relationship with my personal reflection differed from that of my baby girl's. Her ease in viewing her reflection is in stark contrast to my own, self-critical one, and I found that to be fascinating.
As a young girl growing up in Savannah, GA, I'll admit I wasn't the most fashion conscience. My clothing of choice then, much like now, is about comfort and convenience—with a touch of style thrown in here and there. That suits my life as a married, stay-at-home, mother of two.
My daily goals are simple: raise my babies and maintain my figure so that if I want to get sexy, I can do so without having to worry about what's lies beneath—you feel me?
That said, I still detest looking at myself because, unlike my sweetheart of a daughter, my reflection only offers me the opportunity to find all the things that I don't like, as opposed to the stuff I do. I continuously find reasons to not just say, 'you're perfect just the way you are, don't worry about it'.
But I will say this, when I see my gorgeous little girl standing in the mirror—loving herself just as she is—in that moment I find the inspiration to recognize the beauty within myself because I realize, at in that moment, that that beautiful little gift from God came from me. And knowing that means there is no way I could be anything but the same.
Then she stops playing in the mirror and I remember my hair is graying, my legs aren't long enough, and my skin will never be as smooth or even toned as I would like.
Like I said, I'm working on it.
I guess I'll forever be a work in progress but, then again, aren't we all?
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