The beauty of the human heart lay in its capacity to love without end and be loved in return.
I made the decision to attend graduate school closer to my hometown and I did so, in many ways, to save a relationship that was going nowhere.
Now, I know what you're thinking, she was one of those girls. You know the type I'm referring to: the one who would drop everything for a guy.
Well, the answer to that is yes and no.
I spent four years attending school in Iowa—at a school more than 1200 miles away—just to get away from said guy. However, it's difficult to stop loving a person until you truly understand that real love is not meant to be unrequited, painful, or difficult to sustain on a daily basis.
While I understood those things, in theory, I didn't yet have the strength or confidence to use that understanding to break away from the relationship.
In short, I was a girl who needed fixing.
So, one day as I sat alone on my mother's front porch—stood up yet again by this guy I "loved" so much—I said a prayer. I asked God, very simply, to send me the man who would be for me in all ways. I decided I wanted more out of love and life than I was getting from this guy who wasn't yet ready for what I was willing to give to him.
I wanted more not only for me, but for my future children as well. And, more importantly, I understood I was worth that and then some.
Often times in life, as we struggle to become the picture perfect version of what the world considers successful, or pretty, or acceptable, we stop remembering to check our inner compass to make sure our spirits are headed in the right direction.
We are far more than a conglomeration of our accomplishments, and are likely filled with exceedingly more depth and character than anyone can assess in a 15 minute conversation. So, as you navigate your way through this world, it's always important to remember who you were before you made that first step towards letting the world know you. What did you stand for? What did you believe? What were you willing to accept?
Don't let another persons definition of those things define the individual you become, and never allow yourself to be redefined in such a way that you lose the very essence of what made you so uniquely wonderful in the first place.
I remembered sitting on my mothers porch that day that, first and foremost, I am a child of God and He would not have approved of the woman I was becoming; the kind of woman who had belittled herself so much that she didn't know how deserving she was of all the things He wanted her to have.
After that day, I began to feel the traces of doubt, fear, and indecision leave and that allowed me to open my heart to love...a real love.
I never worried about that guy again because I trusted that God would bring me someone infinitely better, and he did. I was blessed with a man who was more than any dream or fairytale could have predicted.
We'll celebrate our 14th year together this October.
It doesn't matter who you are, what religious principles you subscribe to, or what philosophy you choose to lead your life by, we are all touched and molded by love. In the end the most important thing to remember is to be open to a love that doesn't attempt to change who you are, but rather makes the person you already are better.
2 comments:
This ought to be required reading for every girl age 8 and above.
I don't know where and why we women develop this mentality for settling. I doubt there's a woman out there who hasn't at one time experienced what you just wrote - settling, not expecting more, holding on to less than we deserve, etc. But you don't see most men struggling with that issue. So where is it we've failed our girls? Why do so many of us struggle with self esteem issues - even those of us that were raised in church and KNOW God has great plans in mind for us?
I went through painful relationships too and learned the hard way my value and worth. Praise God i finally met a man that far exceeded what i ever dreamed for myself, but i've seen too many friends give up and settle for less than who they are. Mind boggling.
Seriously, this ought to be drummed into the heads of every little girl on the planet. Wait on God's plan, expect more, LOVE yourself, prepare your heart & mind for a GREAT man, and don't rush into heavy relationships.
Great advice Kim - thank you for your honesty. I'm forwarding this to my 2 best friends, the Mothers of my God-daughters.
Thank you so much for your kind words, Ally. I truly appreciate the compliment and the candidness with which you responded to this post and it's especially cool that you've decided to share it with others you love as well. Thank you for that also.
I wish I had the answer to those questions of why we women are so often damaged and misled by love and life. I have spent a lifetime searching myself for those answers and have yet to come up with anything concrete.
My only hope is that God allows me to use my experience in a positive way as I raise a young woman of my own. I hope to be the example she needs so that she won't have to go through the same sorts of situations.
But in the end, I know she will have to walk her own path and that can be a tough pill to swallow.
I am just grateful that both my children will have the chance to grow up in God, with love all around them, that is in and of itself the most beautiful blessing I could have ever hoped for.
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